Dragging one drunk man was bad enough. Dragging two was downright torture.

Soren braced himself, jaw tight, as Leon leaned all his weight against him like a sack of bricks. Meanwhile, Riven was clinging to his arm like a barnacle on a ship.

"Friendship is eternal," Leon slurred proudly, tightening his death-grip on Soren’s shoulder. "Right, Rivvy?"

"Forever and ever," Riven agreed with a dramatic sigh, then rubbed his cheek against Soren’s sleeve like a cat. "And Soren is our... Our... Blanket."

Rivvy? Blanket? What the fuck was wrong with them?!

"I just can’t," Soren said flatly, trying and failing to pry Leon’s arm off him. The man’s grip was ironclad, and no amount of subtle shoving budged it. Soren cursed under his breath. Who knew the drunk royal, no, ex-royal, had such octopus arms?

Together, the three of them stumbled and shuffled through the halls. Riven kept stopping to whisper "secrets" into Soren’s shoulder. He missed Soren’s ear by a lot, that was how drunk he was.

By the time they reached the bedroom, Soren was red-faced, maybe from exhaustion, maybe from embarrassment, either way, he was not going to tolerate this any longer.

He half-dropped, half-rolled both men onto the bed, only for them to immediately latch onto him again like overgrown toddlers.

"Warm..." Riven murmured, hugging Soren’s waist with a blissful smile.

"My best friend," Leon declared, face buried in Soren’s other shoulder.

"I am going to kill you both when you wake up," Soren muttered, tugging futilely at his sleeves.

He tried to peel them off, first Riven, then Leon, but the moment he freed one arm, the other reattached itself with startling determination. At one point Leon even muttered, half-asleep, "Don’t leave me, Rivvy."

Soren stayed still, he would rather this lion hug him than Riven.

Riven, eyes shut, added, "We’re a family now... me, you, and Leon..."

Soren’s eye twitched. He glanced at the ceiling, he never imagined he would be in this position ever. Nothing went as planned ever since he met Riven, and although it led to situations like this, he would not change a thing.

Changing into something more comfortable? Impossible. Both drunks were wrapped around him so tightly he couldn’t even move his legs without risking pulling them along with him.

At last, he sighed in defeat, lying back stiff as a board while Riven nuzzled into his chest and Leon sprawled across his side like a territorial cat.

"This is not how it was supposed to... Sigh."

But the only replies he got were Riven’s soft snoring and Leon’s mumble of, "Best...friends..."

Soren closed his eyes, utterly done. It was official: this was the worst night of his life.

The morning light was merciless. It streamed through the tall curtains like a personal insult to the two men groaning on the bed.

"Ugh..." Leon croaked, rolling over and immediately regretting it. His skull felt like someone was hammering anvils inside it. "Why is the sun so... So bright? Who allowed this?"

Riven let out a pained whimper, clutching his head. "Stop talking."

"You stop talking," Leon shot back weakly, squeezing his eyes shut. "Your voice feels like it’s stabbing me."

Riven raised one hand, finger trembling as he pointed accusingly. "Then don’t answer me when I tell you to stop talking."

"You first!"

"Both of you shut up," Soren yelled. These two woke him up just as he fell asleep.

All night long, he had been wedged between two human heaters who alternated between clinging, mumbling nonsense, and drooling. His shirt was now wrinkled, damp in suspicious places, and he could still feel Leon’s iron grip on his ribs.

He sat up slowly, extracting himself like a man prying free from a bear trap, and glanced down at the wreckage.

He wanted to get mad... He really did. But he was just so tired.

"You’re both idiots," he said flatly.

Riven cracked one eye open and winced. "Soren, please... Keep it down..."

"I’m not loud."

"You’re... Loud in my soul," Riven mumbled pitifully, pressing the pillow over his head.

Leon groaned in agreement. "Yes. Soul-loud. Exactly."

Soren pinched the bridge of his nose. Soul-loud. What kind of idiocy was that supposed to mean? Leon is not a good influence on Riven. He should be kicked out.

By the time Soren came back from washing up, the household staff had already delivered breakfast to the sitting room. He found Riven and Leon slumped over the table like wilted plants, both clutching mugs of steaming coffee as if their lives depended on it.

"As requested, strong coffee," one of the attendants had warned out of concern. "It’s strong, do pace yourselves."

Naturally, neither listened.

Riven downed half his mug in a single desperate gulp. His eyes widened, he made a strangled sound, then slammed the cup down as if bracing against an earthquake. "If this doesn’t help, I don’t know what will!"

Leon, not to be outdone, chugged his own in three swallows. His hands were trembling before the mug even left his lips. "My heart- It’s racing! Is it always like this?!"

"Is this your first time drinking coffee?" Riven asked... Well, almost shouted.

"You’re both idiots," Soren said calmly, but his lips betrayed him with the faintest upward twitch. 𝓯𝙧𝙚𝒆𝙬𝙚𝒃𝙣𝙤𝒗𝓮𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢

Riven clutched his chest dramatically. "I- I can hear colours and smell tastes- how strong is this?!"

"Stop shouting!" Leon yelled back. His first experience with coffee was not a pleasant one, he felt like- He felt like he was going to die!

Soren, entirely unbothered, raised his cup and took a sip.

"Take your own advice!" Riven could not stand any sound right now. His poor wolf ears were being assaulted. His brain was being assaulted. He needed to go lie down again, he just couldn’t deal with this!

"If this is what coffee does, why do people drink it?! I will NEVER drink this again. I am a tea man! A TEA man!" Leon growled. Oh, this was so dreadful, he hated this. He heard that coffee magically rejuvinated one but those were all lies! He had been lied to!