Chapter 17: (Bonus Chapter) What If Future Timeline [Part 2 Bad Ending...?]

3.500 words bonus Chapter, oh boy.

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Enjoy :)

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***

Looking at Alan standing against the wall with his hands raised exactly the way I told him to, I couldn’t help but laugh.

I hadn’t had anything to laugh about lately.

Everything had finally returned to normal.

I had simply been driving down a well-paved road and happened to fall into the mud once—but I managed to crawl back out of that muddy pit, didn’t I?

Now no one can stop us anymore...

Everyone makes mistakes at least once in their life. People lose their way, wander around, and eventually come back.

But in the end, you returned home to me, didn’t you?

That means living with me is better than living with that woman, right?

In the end, you chose me.

Everyone makes mistakes while living their lives, so I think it’s pointless to keep arguing over who was right and who was wrong.

I want to be a good person for Alan.

So... I won’t ask what happened between you and those damned foxes.

You’d prefer that too... wouldn’t you?

Because you must’ve gone through horrible things at their hands.

"...Alan, what’s this on your clothes?"

"...Hm?"

I brushed something off Alan’s shoulder as I spoke.

A single strand of hair.

Long, smooth, glossy black hair.

Something that could never have come from Alan himself.

...I know exactly whose hair this is.

Why was this stuck to his clothes?

Did she rub herself against him like some dog?

She must’ve clung desperately to Alan while he was trying to come back to me.

...I should wash him before letting him properly into the house.

And I need to throw away everything he’s wearing.

Honestly, if I tossed these clothes into the washing machine, it’d feel like all the laundry inside would get contaminated.

I should seal them in a trash bag instead.

"...You’re hungry, right? Let’s get cleaned up first. I’ll get you a change of clothes."

"...Huh?"

"You need a shower. Right now."

"...O-Oh. Yeah... I’ll wash up."

Maybe I sounded a little harsh.

But Alan didn’t seem to mind much, obediently heading to the bathroom like I asked.

With a rustling sound, his clothes fell into the laundry basket, and soon the sound of running water echoed from inside the bathroom.

I stared down at the clothes in the basket.

Disgusting.

Putting on a pair of vinyl gloves, I grabbed a trash bag and carefully stuffed the clothes inside.

Back when I was drowning in debt and living alone, cockroaches used to appear in my apartment sometimes.

I somehow managed to kill them with poison, but afterward another problem appeared—I had to throw away the corpses.

The dead roaches lying belly-up on the floor looked like they were still twitching and wriggling...

I hated touching them.

It made me want to gag and cry at the same time.

Actually... I still feel that way now.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I pinched Alan’s clothes between my fingers and shoved them deep into the trash bag.

When I picked up his pants, though, I felt something heavy inside the pocket.

A wallet.

Thank goodness...

I almost threw this away too.

This wallet was the one I’d given Alan as a present before.

I think a wallet is one of the most important things a person owns.

Even if the clothes changed, I was relieved the most precious thing hadn’t.

But...

All the photos I had placed inside it were gone.

Normally, when you opened the wallet, there should’ve been my ID photo and pictures of us together at the amusement park.

Well... it’s okay.

I still have all the originals.

Tomorrow, I can just go to the photo studio, print new copies, and put them back inside for Alan.

It’s not like I’ll be busy acting anymore.

After preparing clean clothes and everything Alan needed after his shower, I started cleaning the house.

I’d neglected the chores for days, so I swept and wiped every corner of the floor and emptied the overflowing trash bins.

While I was washing the pile of dishes in the sink, Alan came out into the living room with a towel draped around his neck.

"Need help with anything? I’m done showering."

"No, no. If you start cleaning, you’ll just get dirty and have to shower again. There’s nothing much to do anyway, so just sit down and rest, okay?"

Wearing the clothes I prepared for him, Alan obediently nodded and sat on the sofa watching TV.

It was rare seeing him listen to me this well.

When I walked closer to him, a pleasant scent drifted toward me.

Earlier... that strange fruity smell had made my stomach churn...

But now it was gone.

Now all I could smell was the soft milky fragrance I loved.

Personally, I always use milk-scented body wash, so having that same scent lingering on Alan’s body made me happy.

Watching him sit there with that dazed, exhausted expression after finally coming back home... he looked just like a sleepy child.

Even though he was huge, somehow he looked unbearably cute to me.

Cute enough to make me want to give him everything in the world.

"Are you hungry? What do you want to eat?"

"I’ll eat whatever."

I pinched Alan’s cheek gently.

Did he lose weight because he stayed with that woman...?

It looked like he’d suffered there.

His cheeks were thinner than before.

His eyes looked slightly sunken too, and his skin seemed dry...

"...Wait here. I’ll make you something delicious."

If I ever get the chance, I’ll torture those foxes.

Come to think of it, I hadn’t eaten properly in a while either.

Maybe today was finally the day I should show off my cooking skills again after so long.

If only I’d known earlier, I would’ve gone grocery shopping before coming home...

"Alan, I’m heading to the mart. You’re coming with me, right?"

"...Huh? Oh. Sure."

"Let’s go buy something good to eat. Get dressed."

I pulled some clothes out of the closet and handed them to him.

...Now that the weather had gotten warmer, he’d need more spring clothes too.

I should buy him new outfits later.

"Hey... what about the clothes I came in with? They were still clean enough to wear again..."

"I threw them away."

"What? Wh—"

"Is there a problem?"

"...No. Why’d you throw them away...? Ah, forget it. Fine."

Alan looked like he wanted to say something, but in the end he simply changed into the clothes I gave him and followed me to the mart.

Alan liked meat, so I bought high-quality beef and pork.

He liked sashimi too.

I wanted to feed him everything.

Before I realized it, I’d filled the cart with groceries and brought them all home.

"Isn’t this too much food?"

"What’s wrong with it?"

"You bought a lot."

"If we’re eating three meals together every day, we’ll definitely finish it all eventually, right?"

"...Three meals a day? Aren’t you supposed to be dieting and maintaining your weight as an actress?"

"I’m not going back to work anymore. I’m thinking of quitting. Then I can stay home with you all the time, right? If we’re eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner together every day, we’ll need at least this much, won’t we?"

Alan stared at me with a deep frown.

"...You’re quitting acting? You? Are you serious?"

"I have plenty of money, okay? It’s completely fine if I quit now. I’ve basically achieved financial freedom already."

Alan fell silent, staring blankly ahead with his mouth slightly open.

"So that’s why my System disappeared..."

He seemed to mutter something quietly under his breath.

Well...

I’m not the broke girl who used to borrow money from shady loan sharks anymore.

The apartment is under my name, and with all the money I earned from acting, plus stock dividends, Bitcoin investments, savings interest, and deposits, I already make enough passive income to live comfortably forever.

There’s no reason for me to keep working while leaving Alan behind alone.

And honestly... I’d already been planning to quit anyway.

After we got home, I sat Alan down in a chair and started cooking properly for the first time in a while.

I made stir-fried pork, sashimi, crispy golden tonkatsu, and wagyu yakiniku.

"...Isn’t this way too much food?"

"But you’re hungry, aren’t you, Alan? You need to eat properly."

Your cheeks are this hollow...

Just how much mental stress did you go through over there for your face to become this thin?

"You weren’t eating well, were you?"

"No..."

"No?"

"Look, if you cook this much, you’ll tire yourself out. That’s why I said it, you—"

"Ah...! This much is nothing! Really! Next time, just tell me if there’s something you want to eat! I’ll make anything for you whenever you want!"

I quietly sat across from him and watched him eat.

Stuffing food into both cheeks like a squirrel...

It was so cute I almost laughed again.

Pretending he couldn’t eat much.

And yet he finished everything.

"...Thanks for the meal."

Alan finally put down his spoon with difficulty.

"See? Eating delicious food makes you happy, right? Wait, I’ll make dessert too. Alan, you like coffee, don’t you? Ah—look at this. This is called Geisha coffee. Do you know what kind of coffee that is?"

I excitedly pulled out the coffee beans from the shelf while explaining them to him, but Alan’s expression suddenly darkened.

His complexion looked awful.

"Why do you look like that?"

"...Nothing. I just... seriously can’t eat anymore."

"...Really?"

If he said he didn’t want any more, then I didn’t want to force him.

So I quietly placed the coffee back where it belonged.

...Though I still wanted to make him just one cup.

"Alan, what do you want for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Just... fruit, maybe. Is that okay?"

"Then I’ll make you some delicious fruit tomorrow! The fruit shop was selling whole boxes of apples earlier."

"A whole box?"

His expression still looked strange.

Was his stomach upset?

"They were crisp and sweet. You’d definitely like them."

I brushed his pale bangs back gently.

"Let me see your stomach."

"...What?"

"Maybe your stomach hurts?"

As I reached toward his shirt—

"W-Wait...! Hold on!"

Alan suddenly pulled back.

"Why?"

"Well... I kind of gained weight recently, so it’s embarrassing to show you."

Weight?

To me, he looked thinner than before.

"I’ve also been slacking off on exercise, so my stomach sticks out a little now. I’ll show you later... yeah, later."

"...Really?"

Just like how I always wanted Alan to see only the prettiest side of me...

Right now, Alan probably wanted me to see only his coolest side too.

Yeah...

That was understandable.

I was okay with that.

***

I let Alan watch TV while I organized the refrigerator.

When I looked in the fridge earlier, I saw a lot of ingredients past their expiration date. I havent been keeping up with it lately, but I should now, right?

Because I’m not the only one using this refrigerator anymore.

Alan uses it too. If I don’t keep it as clean as possible, Alan might be disappointed in me.

And what if he eats something bad and gets an upset stomach?

With that in mind, I was organizing the vegetable drawer when I spotted a cucumber.

It was well-wrapped in plastic and hadnt been there long, so it seemed edible.

It was longer than both my hands spread out. Firm... and thick.

"..."

My stomach felt itchy inside, so I glanced at Alan.

I suddenly wanted to. I think I’ll need to wash myself throughly before bed tonight.

After finishing organizing the refrigerator, I noticed a lot of time has passed.

It wasn’t evening anymore but late at night, and it seemed like we should turn off the lights and go to sleep soon.

"Alan... should we sleep?"

"Oh... has that much time passed already...? Yeah, I should... sleep too, right?"

"Yeah, you can get some blankets from the closet, I’ll... go shower."

"H-huh...? Shower?"

Did Alan suffer a lot under that woman? Unlike before, he seemed dazed a lot.

Whenever I said something, he would stutter and hesitate a bit.

I believe this will get better with time.

Time heals all wounds, they say.

I went into the bathroom and washed myself.

Come to think of it... I kept walking around Alan without even washing properly.

That’s not right. Whenever I meet Alan, I should always be clean.

I should only show him my pretty side.

After finishing my shower and leaving the bathroom, Alan was covered with a blanket, ready for bed.

I naturally pulled back the blanket Alan was under and lay next to him.

Alan was trying to sleep in the living room. I couldn’t understand why.

Because if we go into my room, there’s a bed wide enough for both of us to sleep on.

Why? Why would he try to sleep on the hard living room floor without even a mattress?

We used to sleep on the bed before, didn’t we?

The only time Alan sleeps in the living room is when he takes a nap, other than that, he doesn’t sleep in the living room.

So why is he suddenly sleeping in the living room today?

I kicked away Alan’s pillow lying on the floor with my foot.

Thud.

Alan looked at the pillow that flew far away, then looked at me.

"Nozomi...?"

"You’re going to sleep here? Why aren’t you sleeping on the bed?"

Why are you making that face? Like what I’m doing now is wrong...

"Is this strange? Since when did you sleep in the living room? Shouldn’t you sleep on the bed with me? Why are you suddenly so suprised? Why?"

I sat up halfway and pressed down on Alan’s body with my hand as he tried to go somewhere else.

In case he runs away somewhere. I climed on top of Alan’s body.

It’s hard.

"...Alan♡"

Ah... is this why he didn’t want to sleep together.

Well, Alan is a man after all.

I should have though more about that. I didn’t think that far.

It stands up right away from just brushing clothes. Alan gets excited just from skin contact.

It’s built up.

Alan was a boy who needed to do it every day, and we haven’t been able to during this time.

Come to think of it, I’ve been too busy with work lately to properly take care of it myself.

Alan has built it up, but so do I... it’s embarrasing to say, but just seeing a cucumber while organizing the refrigerator made me feel strange.

If I’m like this, how much more must Alan be? He must want to...

But Alan was kidnapped by that woman until recently.

He looks fine on the outside, but his body is exhausted and his mind is tired. So he needed time alone.

Until his physical condition recovers.

"It’s okay... Alan, I’ll comfort you."

I pulled up the clothes I was wearing and tossed them onto the living room.

Winter is over. So there’s no need to do it on a fluffy bed.

And if the mattress gets soaked, it’ll be uncomfortable to sleep on.

Doing it on the floor hurts your elbows and knees, but I can endure that much.

"Let’s do it, right now."

I took mine off, but Alan didn’t take his off.

Doing it with clothes on is fine too. But i prefer doing it naked.

Because it gets dirty with sweat.

Earlier Alan said his body was a mess because he couldn’t exercise, but thats not really important, is it?

No matter how much belly he has, Alan is still Alan.

And if anything, he lost weight rather than having his belly stick out like an old man’s, right?

"Wait...! Just a moment, don’t take off my clothes!"

I pulled up the clothes Alan was wearing with my hands.

"Alan... what is this...?"

"..."

"Hey... you need to answer...? Explain this to me...?"

I trusted Alan.

Alan trusted me too.

The reason we could get along was because there were no lies nor secret between us.

I thought we could build this relationship because we had faith and trust in each other.

And... today, that mutual trust was broken.

"Alan, aren’t you going to answer?"

Alan lied to me.

Akari Hojo.

After he got kidnapped by that woman, Alan couldn’t exercise properly.

So he didn’t want to show me an embarrasing appearance. He said that. But it wasn’t true.

It wasn’t.

It wasn’t.

It wasn’t.

He deceived me!

He lied!

On Alan’s firm body were several terrible scars. Terrible scars that looked like they were scratched with fingernails and sucked on by insects.

I know what these are.

"Wait, hold it! I can explain everything! So... just come down for a moment, let’s talk!"

"You did it, didn’t you...?"

"Well... no... well... i was—"

"I can tell from how you cant speak. You did it."

I worried about whether Alan was eating properly.

Whether he was sleeping properly, whether anyone was hurting him there.

I worried so much my hair fell out, chewed my nails so much they were never intact.

But you enjoyed yourself so much that marks deep enough to leave nail scratches remained.

"You jerk! You fucking piece of trash!"

Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die!

Strangle him!

Strangle him so he can’t breathe!

How could you do this to me.

You said you’d only look at me!

You said you wouldn’t even glance at any woman other than me.

Was I only worth this much to you?

Is our relationship only worth that much?

I trusted you and gave you everything.

No matter what you did to my body, I endured it, bore it, and accepted it all. It’s disgusting, revolting, horrible.

I’m so horrible, i felt like dying.

I trusted only you and did everything you asked.

Even when you put it in every hole in my body. I endured it all.

I’ve been stretched so much that i’m nothing without you now.

After breaking a person completely, why... why did you do that with another woman?!

Why!

Why!

Why!

Why?!

"I need to cut it off."

So this never happens again.

I need to cut it off.

What if this happens again?

I can’t watch that.

How can I put something inside me that’s been inside another woman?

No. I can’t do that. Absolutely not!

Rather than putting your dirty thing inside me, it’s better if it doesn’t exist at all.

If I cant enjoy it, no other woman can either.

I got up and came back with a knife from the kitchen drawer.

"...Come here you piece of shit."

"..."

You’re already wearing shoes, ready to run away.

...Where will you go if you escape from me? Will you go back to that woman?

The woman with lots of money, cute, sexy, talented, with long hair down to her waist.

Akari Hojo.

What did I do wrong to you? I didn’t do anything. I’m just an ordinary citizen. So why do you torment me? You and your little sister!

Why? Why?? Why??? Why!

"...Calm down... don’t do this, put that down first, put that down and let’s talk, okay? Nozomi?"

Slash.

Like flower petals fluttering in the wind, blood droplets splatter on the floor.

So this is cutting my wrist feels like. It’s hot like a fire.

It hurts...

"...If you take on more step back. Next... it’ll be my throat."

Rather than watch you run away from me, I’d rather die. Rather than live and go through such misery again, its better to die.

"...Don’t think about running away."

I know too.

How much I fall short compared to your ex-girlfriends.

I don’t know how to do anything, I have no talent, I’m bad at studying, I’m always depending on you for everything.

And I still love Alan more than they do.

"...I need to stop the bleeding on you wrist first."

Alan didn’t know what to do when he saw the blood on my body.

Come to think of it, after I won an award for my brilliant acting, we spent a hot night at a motel.

Alan said then that I was everything. I trusted Alan and gave him my all.

Thud.

The knife in my hand fell.

Alan brought bandages from a first aid kit he found somewhere and wrapped my hand.

Alan’s mark was deeply engraved on my wrist.

"...Alan..."

"Does it hurt? Blood seems to seeping out a little... we should go to the hospital."

"Let’s do it again. I’m okay now. I’m fine."

"Huh?"

"So take it off."

I pushed Alan again, and climbed back on top of him.

So Alan can’t run away... i’m going to make a baby.

If Alan has a baby, he won’t look at other women and will live a life devoted to our family, right?