Kennel Hills… The morning of the seventh day since I left home. Rolling fields of grass extend from Charlatan Forest to the Eastern Desert, nestled between the Ogre Fen and the Human Plains. This is where the battle begins.

From where I hover in the air high above, I see the Wolf Lord’s monster camp is much the same as I recall. It’s a fairly peaceful community for a predator lair. They have a larder of predominantly male prisoners and a number of breeding stock females of various monster species. Doggin puppies frolic about while the elites sit in a circle.

They’re not wholly unaware, though.

Many Dire Wolves roam the region, serving as advanced scouts, and they’ve undoubtedly reported the troop movements of the Ogre Fen’s coming Incursion. Noncombatants are segregated, and prisoners secured while the warriors assemble. The canine-headed, muscular Wolf Lord marches to meet the enemies while scores of Dire Wolves run in waves—‘mini-packs’ of five to nine in ‘V’ shapes. Each Dire Wolf is the size of a stallion. It’s a formidable fighting force, no question.

However, the Ogre Fen’s forces are completely unlike anything I’ve seen until now.

Book of Monsters Entry – Goblin Private: Goblinoid monster. 2nd Tier, Inferior Rank, Tier-Promoted. The cannon fodder of a militaristic Goblinoid monster. Having been Promoted from First Tier Goblins through the Draft, their evolved form is stripped of individuality and all sense of self-preservation. Often seen on the frontlines operating as sacrificial pawns to draw out the enemies’ weaknesses. Their strength is much improved compared to a base Goblin. Wields wooden spears, giving them a significant edge even over the equally-ranked base Hobgoblin.

Hundreds of Goblin Privates dressed in cloth scraps march in a kind of phalanx formation. They’re tightly packed with their long spears pointing out like a hedgehog. Each spear is several Goblin body-lengths from tip to butt, allowing the Goblins two and three rows back to have their sharp ends sticking out in front of their allies. Spears protrude from the sides and rear as well, preventing the enemy from simply circling around to flank them.

Dozens of taller monsters are sprinkled throughout the formation. They’re protected by their smaller compatriots, allowed to support the formation with ranged attacks or fill a gap as necessary. They wear tattered uniforms I recognize from Home Town textbooks on ancient human militaries.

Book of Monsters Entry – Hobgoblin Corporal: Goblinoid monster. 2nd Tier, Below-Average Rank, Rank-Promoted. The light infantry of a militaristic Goblinoid monster. A Hobgoblin Drafted into the ranks of their superior’s chain-of-command. Their weaponry, skills, and agility are all improved through this promotion. Perhaps starting as Second Tier monsters before the Draft allows them to retain a semblance of self, but each is mostly indistinguishable from the others in their unit. Often seen skirmishing with foes using their steel-headed javelins.

From the description I recall of these Hobs, their plan seems to be for the battle to go one of two ways. In the first case, the formation stays intact, and they rain death on their enemies. The formation is shattered in the second case, and the scattered Privates will turn on their attackers, encircling them while the skirmishers run about causing chaos.

Then, behind the phalanx, comes a smaller, tighter square.

Book of Monsters Entry – Orc Sergeant: Goblinoid monster. 2nd Tier, Above-Average Rank, Rank-Promoted. The heavy infantry of a militaristic Goblinoid monster. An Orc Drafted into the ranks of their superior’s chain-of-command. Their improvement over a simple Orc relies on weaponry and training. They function as a single unit with their Goblinoid brethren, wielding pikes in a square like ancient humanity. Strangely, some of them reportedly receive fragmented memories from humans who lived long ago, along with knowledge of weapon proficiency.

This formation operates with almost mechanical precision. The Orcs are dressed in grubby uniforms, but they have a smattering of actual steel armor. Helmets, bracers, chainmail, and such; inconsistent, but better than nothing. The real menace is the pikes they wield, the shafts stretching several times the length of the Goblins’ spears.

This square isn’t a hedgehog, but a spiny urchin! Approaching it would mean death for most melee combatants. In its center stands a single Orc, a head taller than his brother and sisters. He nearly has a complete set of chainmail armor and bears a rusty medal on his uniform.

Book of Monsters Entry – Orc Captain: Goblinoid monster. 3rd Tier, Below-Average Rank, Tier-Promoted. The spearhead of a militaristic Goblinoid monster. An Orcish warrior Drafted into the ranks of their superior’s chain-of-command. Years of training exercises are drilled into their mind the instant they are Promoted, a wealth of experience they share with their unit through an almost telepathic bond. This transforms an already formidable combatant into a real threat on the battlefield. Often seen wielding a spontoon at the head of their pike square.

Staring down from above, I can’t help thinking the Wolf Lord’s army is in serious trouble! While each Dire Wolf outweighs an Orc by a wide margin, the Ogre Fen’s forces outnumber them, and they have a definitive advantage with weaponry and tactics. Thing is going to be a bloodbath…

Well, not if we have anything to say about it.

Alex’s Guide to Conquering an Army in Four Easy Steps!

Step One: Have a Rainbird.

"Gale is ready for dooty!" My lover is wearing her cloud bikini instead of whatever the fleecy steeple cooked up. She looks totally relaxed, hovering in the sky above the Incursion. The sweet birdbrain is even making light of the situation.

"It’s, umm,” I start, clearing my throat before finishing, “The phrase is 'ready for duty.'"

"Ew, no. Gale wants to get to work!"

"...Go ahead."

"Eye-eye!" The lovely Rainbird woman salutes me with a wink before coasting easily through the air over to her partner.

Step Two: Have a Dank Mothra.

Gale embraces Delilah with her wings, not needing them for flight with Aviation active. Our mutual Mothra lover floats using the anti-gravity scales on her insectoid wings, so the two of them make their aerial embrace look effortless. They practically dance through the air as if gliding through an ancient human ballroom.

Delilah herself is as tranquil as ever. It’ll take more than two clashing armies to bring this moth girl down from her perpetual high! She’s wearing the maid uniform Spindle wove for her sake, both monster and outfit seeming especially out of place on the battlefield.

The Rainbird with multicolored hair nuzzles her face against Delilah’s, tenderly brushes their lips together while the moth girl’s eyes close in bliss. Gale’s tender tangerines press onto Delilah’s more sizable rack as the two of them hold each other close. She takes things slowly as if enjoying a decadent meal. My precious Rainbird always surprises me when she displays her predatory tendencies, and always in a lusty yet somehow innocent manner.

I cough into my fist. “Ahem.”

That finally kickstarts the second phase for real.

Gale locks lips with Delilah’s and inhales. Air is sucked through the spiracles on the moth girl’s insectoid abdomen, bubbling up through the viewports of glowing green liquid in Delilah’s tummy and chest. The Rainbird’s eyes roll up into her head as she fills her lungs to capacity.

For a moment, I doubt the plan. If Gale is silly on ‘normal’ mode, how will she behave on Delilah’s herbal supplements? But, no, Gale doesn’t forget the mission.

Instead, my Rainbird, who one might also describe as a cloud-bird, pulls away from Delilah to exhale a truly massive blanket of green mist that sinks onto the center of the battlefield where the two forces are set to collide. Both armies hesitate once they see the unnatural fog before them. Some look up at us to find the mysterious phenomena’s origin.

Step Three: Have a few Sirens. The more, the better.

Jonny swoops into view with Tink at his shoulder. Inside his sculpted body are Sue, Chris, and Terzetto—the triple Siren—all bound together by Brenda’s Green Stone Symbiont Consortium. He appears as a totally nude living marble statue with Froggin legs, bunny ears, six wings, and four faces on his head in the cardinal directions. Hoarfrost coats his hands like gloves. Glowing cracks thread their way across his body while his eyes, mouth, and nostrils shine like gateways to a green hell. His is a form almost as great and terrible as my own.

He opens the mouths of his three feminine Siren faces, and a three-part harmony spills forth, ““~Come here, come here, find peace beneath my wings~”” The Goblin Privates break ranks and pour forward. ““~Come here, come here, shelter in my embrace~”” The Hobs cave next and follow their peers. ““~Come here, come here, let me ease your burden~”” Lastly, the Dire Wolves revert to men and women as they stumble into the green cloud beneath Jonny in their attempts to reach him.

I hear a piercing howl—perhaps it’s the Wolf Lord drowning out the song, but I wasn’t counting on this working on him—regardless, it doesn’t protect more than his inner circle.

Step Four: Don’t let anyone escape.

“It’s done,” Gabby announces as she coasts to a stop at my side. She’s wearing her Witch’s black robes and hat. “Alex, you’re staring.”

I blink. “Sorry, I still just can’t believe you got this ability on top of everything else. You’re incredible, honey.”

She adjusts her spectacles and flashes me a sharp-toothed grin, “I know.”

Gabby is riding atop an honest-to-God-Beast flying broomstick. She’d carved it from a piece of the Twisted Elder that escaped the fire. It had taken her most of the night to baptize the wood in blood, harden it with fire, and tie the straw with strands of her hair until the Witchcraft had fully taken hold. Now, it obeys her every thought like a noble steed.

Its flying speed is nothing to sneeze at, either—especially when Gabby uses her Air Magic for propulsion.

“I-I don’t think I’ll ever get used to flying…” Bonny confesses from her ‘little spoon’ seat in front of her mistress. The bigear mouse girl is wearing her Apprentice outfit, a red robe with a yellow rope belt, white gloves, and a conical blue hat bearing moon and stars insignias.

The two of them had just flown the perimeter of the battlefield. Gabby used her Spell Persistence on Plant Growth Magic to create and animate a line of perpetually flailing vines that would snare anyone attempting to leave Kennel Hills. At the same time, Bonny had cast her version of Plant Growth Magic to conjure a hedge of thornbushes alongside her mistress. Monsters caught by the vines would get pulled into the thorns (these living plants would persist naturally). Working together allowed them to accomplish this feat in half the time.

And Step Five: Profit!

A horde of monsters pours into the green-tinted fog bank beneath us. Goblins and Dire Wolves tire and lie down in droves. A few cover their ears and attempt to flee, but they can’t get past the thorny vine hedges before Terzetto’s song drills into their heads. The massacre is prevented!

And to think, I’d been worried. Our Harpy Airforce lets loose a cheer of celebration. Most of the mountain's denizens are assembled here to support us, circling around me as I hover in place.

Then screams and sprays of blood burst into vibrant reality around me. Whipping my head around reveals a dozen harpies are run-through with javelins. They plummet groundward, unable to keep themselves in the air as they bleed out.

“It’s the Orcs!” Bonny shouts and points at the square of Goblinoid monsters. They’re somehow ignoring Terzetto’s song. Their higher-Ranked strength allows them to reach us high above with their thrown weapons—something we hadn’t anticipated.

“Where are they getting all those weapons from?” Jonny asks, or at least one of the monsters inside him does. "I thought they only summoned pikes?" We'd shared the details of some likely Promotions we might encounter with the others before the battle. "And how did they resist the Siren song?"

“I think I know…” Gabby mutters to herself.

Pink tentacles whip out and snag the falling Harpies, who bounce and dangle like unwilling bungee jumpers until Olindia pulls them up, “Don’t worry. I’ve, like, got ‘em, no worries!”

The Large Strawberry Moon Jelly has fully manifested her magnificence. Her enlarged mantle hangs on her humanoid frame like an oversized costume on a child. She floats effortlessly in the air as if bobbing on the surface of the sea, her prehensile tendrils snaking through the air while searching for targets. They have a surprising reach thanks to their stretchiness.

“I’ll handle the bleeding.” Despite being impaled, the wounded Harpies are in surprisingly good condition thanks to Flou. They’re all wearing her First Tier Cores as jewelry, accessories, or embedded in Fleecy Sheeple clothing. She manages to catch every drop of blood that spilled and prevents the bird folk from losing more with incredible proficiency. Thanks to her Swarm Slime Distributed Intelligence, she can wield the magic of each Core in her network simultaneously to stop every wound from bleeding despite having a fraction of the Multitasking Focuses otherwise necessary.

The already spilled blood streams and spirals up to Flou, where the ruby bunny girl stands sentinel on Olindia's jellyfish bell hat. She collects the crimson liquid and crystallizes it into a large axe. Flou may not have upgraded her Color, yet, but her SSDI ability allows her to harness the nine Second Tier Cores in her body to control greater volumes of blood than ever.

Under the glow of Olindia’s healing aura, the Harpies’ bodies eject the javelins skewering them as their wounds close. They’re not feeling their best after, but they’re alive and airborne by their own power again in a minute.

We’d brought the Harpies along for reconnaissance, communication, and emergency evacuation. They weren’t intended as primary combatants. That’s why I'm grinding my teeth to see them getting targeted like this.

Another round of javelins flies our way, but we're ready this time.

Flou hops on one of Olindia's tendrils and slides down the length while forming a large crystal blood aegis. The jellyfish arm wraps around her waist and swings her about. With Olindia's help, she intercepts a dozen javelins that shatter on impact with her shield.

Jonny covers a gaggle of Harpy girls with his six wings of stone, Tink forms a big bubble around another couple of birds, and Gabby copies the bubble spell to protect herself and Bonny.

Cottontail is there with us in the sky, dangling from a bouquet of balloons by one hand, and she blows on a pinwheel to produce a startlingly strong breeze that blows a few javelins off course. Ryb the Trio-Trio, my three-headed Harpy Hybrid, flaps his six wings to produce another powerful gust that adds to the pinwheel, amplifying the headwind.

Then I swoop in using Bloodwing Air Dodge, my aerodynamic insectoid wings buzzing and glowing with multiple flight buffs as I rush forward. At the forefront of the flock, I grab four javelins from the air with quartet of hands, and another dozen with my whipping, prehensile Slime hair tendrils. Casting a glance about, I confirm that's all the projectiles taken care of and nod to myself. They never stood a chance of hitting us a second time.

"Gale is feeling all tingly and tired. Can't we find a place to roost for a quick nap?"

"Same, but I could use some nibbles, too," Delilah agrees while swooning into her avian lover’s embrace.

Gabbie's eyes bulge, seeming huge behind her spectacles. "You two are ready to evolve already?" I recall some relevent entries from the book of monsters. Apparently, although the conversion rate is poor, you can substitute defeating monsters of a lower tier for your evolutionary requirements. Subduing all those Goblinoids and Wolves probably did impressive things for their total experience levels—even after splitting the credit with Terzetto—and Gale was already on the upper edge of meeting her requirements. "Delilah is an herbivore, after all…" the Gobliness trails off, pensive.

I suppose she’s thinking of how most herbivore monsters use ‘encounters’ rather than combat victories for their evolutionary path. With the Echidna boost and all this experience, it’s no wonder Delilah has crossed the threshold as well.

“It's no surprise. Mistress Gale is incredible,” Monal the pheasant Harpy asserts.

“It’s about time,” Rosie the ebony-skinned flamingo Harpy adds, “She should’ve Evolved after fighting the Elves yesterday.”

I think the only reason she didn’t is because they didn’t quite technically win that fight. Instead, they fled because reinforcements were coming. I'm sure it added a little to her experience total, though.

“But, most of all,” Delilah says as her lips brush against Gale’s, “I’m super horny.” The Dank Mothra kisses Gale once more, and this time, the Rainbird exhales a pink puffy haze when they part. Uh oh. It looks like Delilah’s libido is changing the nature of her herbal concoction.

“Wait, don’t…!” I’m too late.

Gale’s eyes dilate as she seizes Delilah, grinding their cores together as they descend into the mist below, their focus narrowed to a world of touch, lust, and pleasure. When the Mothra disappears from sight, the massive green cloud quickly shifts to a delicate pink.

""Wait for us, Mistress Gale!"" Monal and Rosie dive in after them, and I face-palm.

A cacophony of crude noises can be heard coming from the fog bank a few seconds later. The entirety of both armies and our favorite birdbrain's team has devolved into a massive orgy. "That's got to be some kind of record..." I mumble to myself.

"At least they'll double-dip on experience with the sexual encounters. Even the wing-maidens might get there if the orgy grows large enough," Gabby shrugs, "So, it's not a total wash. I can't wait to see what they become!" Bonny rolls her eyes at her mistress’s eccentric nature.

Ahh, I see. Despite being predators, their Evolution Tokens' Rank-boost will prevent them from getting trapped in dead-end Matron Evolutions even if they evolve through sex. I suppose that wouldn't be likely anyway with Aello filling the role for the Harpy community, but this might at least let them advance with an Elemental Attribute.

"We've got other things to worry about," Flou interrupts as the Orcs throw another wave of javelins our way. We only have to repeat what we did before to deflect the projectiles, but she's right. It’s time to move.

"Initiate Plan B!" I shout, and we spring into action.

In the case where some of our enemies resist our pacification strategy, we decided to split ourselves into several groups. Better to go meet the enemy ourselves than wait for them to enter one big melee if we want to minimize casualties.

Team Canine Crushers: Gabby the Witch, Bonny the Apprentice, Cottontail the Stage Magician, Olindia the Moon Jellyfish, and Flou’s main body will break off from the Airforce to confront the remaining canine monsters. Suka the Flamestalker, Moka the Dustbunny, and Steelheart the Pseudo-Hydra are already advancing on foot in anticipation of Plan A going awry.

Team Ogres Layers: Jonny and I will head in the opposite direction. Megan the Denki Nezumi, Dura the Ogress, Isabella the Flower Dryad, and Effie the Nursemaid should be approaching at the same time to meet up with us halfway.

Team Air Support: Gale, Monal, Rosie, Delilah, Ryb the Trio-Trio, and the Harpy flock are to observe the battle from above, scouting, helping with communication, or offering assistance where it’s needed.

Team Field Town: At practically the last second, we decided to fortify Field Town (Home Town was deemed too spread out to be easily defensible). My biggest concern was that the mysterious kidnapper would come for my classmates, but I didn't rule out a sneak attack on our base either. Who knows, both could happen.

This is the solution we agreed on:

The Fleecy Sheeple headed back through the underground passage, with basically everyone else staying. The forest kids, the field Fuzzies, and my classmates are all hiding in the New Warren today. They're being guarded by adult rodent kin and Lizardmen guards, each well-acquainted with fighting underground, not to mention Mother Heather and Mrs. Fleece to keep everyone calm.

The Fruit Nymphs are safe in a separate chamber with good sound-proofing. They're to be entertained by Gretta, Douglas, and the Kobolds while we’re gone. Meanwhile, the Sweet Bees are being taken care of by the Busty Willows (my Apian children should be able to fly away in the event of an emergency and escape any encroaching danger).

Aello the Harpy Matron, Lois the Dormouse Matron, both Pseudo-Cerberuses, the Guard Doggins, the remainder of the Lizardmen, Drosera the Sundew Trap, and the Strangler Figs are defending Field Town topside. Janine, my Hobgoblin Secretary, is coordinating the guard. Spindle, Opal the Melusine, the Sand Goblin tribe, and the Belly Dancers are engaged in an important ritual at my favorite Webling’s request.

As tempting as it was to bring the tribal armies with us, I knew they’d only become casualties on this battlefield. We’re more than enough to end the war ourselves. So, I told them it was their responsibility to make sure we’d have a home to return to. They took it about as well as I could hope, though I may have to make it up to everyone tonight.

I think we did a decent job of splitting the offensive teams in terms of powerful individuals, not knowing the exact relative strength of our enemies. Also, we made sure to have a healer in both offensive parties.

Team Ogres Layers follow me as I descend, while Team Canine Crushers go the opposite direction. The Orc Captain points his spontoon our way, and his Sergeants raise their javelins at us.

This is it. Battle is joined.