If there hadn’t been an argument between us back then, I wouldn’t have realized that I could feel heartache because of you. I wouldn’t have known how to express it. The final decision back then was nothing but separation.

"Since you’ve already said that the man told you himself that he has no feelings for you, why are you still so determined to be with him?

Is it because I’m not good to you, or because I’m not as nice as she is? Is it because I’m not good-looking, or have I wronged you in some way? Why do you have to do such heartless things to me?

Do you not consider me your husband in your heart? Does the safety of our family mean so little to you? Where do you place your family? Since you chose to build a family with me, you must be responsible for it. When you act like this, what do you consider each person in this family? Just pawns you can discard at will?"

Zhang Zhentian grew increasingly angry the more he thought about it. He never imagined that his wife could become like this one day.

He couldn’t understand how the lively and cheerful woman he once knew in front of him had changed so drastically. Why did everything he said seem meaningless to her? Everything he did seemed wrong in her eyes?

Perhaps he didn’t know all along. When one person stops loving another, no matter how "inflated" the other person may be, it’s of no use. It may seem like she’s always thinking of him, but in the end, it’s nothing.

"Don’t say it like that. With you, I’ve truly been happy, really happy. You once gave me everything I wanted, even at any cost. But have you ever thought about what kind of life I truly want? What kind of future we would have together? The outcomes of your arbitrary decisions have blocked my life time and again!

Have you ever considered the kind of life I want? I live every day in unbearable pain. Who has ever given me the happiness I long for? Time and again, I struggle in sickness and torment. I want the life I desire, yet what have you all given me in the end?

I once asked him if he could keep crying and laughing with me, but ultimately, I achieved nothing. When I hugged him from behind again and again, did you know my heart was cursing in pain? It hurt so much, so much. I genuinely wanted to hold him forever and never let go. I yearned for time to stop at that moment forever. But would Heaven really focus on me so much? Absolutely not!

Whenever I held her, I prayed over and over within my heart for Heaven to slow time down a bit or to freeze it at that moment forever and never let it pass. But when I looked up, time had moved on, and he had turned away, leaving me alone waiting silently at the original spot. How lonely and desperate I felt—who could possibly understand?

You might think a person shouldn’t be so selfish, but do you know what I want is just this simple? As long as I can stay by his side, I don’t need anything else.

Through all these years, I’ve always considered others, yet in the end, what have I gained? In my heart, this is a failed outcome, no matter how much I’ve cared for others. In others’ eyes, what am I really?

Despite the pain torture of sickness, I chose to be with him. All I wanted was merely to catch him smiling once, even if my heart bleeds. As long as he’s smiling, I’m still genuinely happy.

Maybe you think I’m being foolish and naive, but do you know this is true love? Right now, I don’t need him to give me any feelings. I don’t need him to place his heart on me. As long as I can give him my feelings and my heart, it’s enough. Whether I end up covered in scars or find lifelong happiness, I only need to be without regrets. It’s enough. I’ve lost him once after another; this time, I genuinely don’t want to lose him again. If I lose him once more, I don’t even know how long I can keep going..."

Zhang Zhentian didn’t anticipate that his wife could love that man so deeply, even to the extent of forsaking her own life. To him, what is he as her husband? Is he repeatedly just a substitute for emotions? Is it really just a matter of transferring affection?

"I never thought you could love her so deeply. You would risk everything for him, even your life. Why couldn’t you do it for me just once? I remember when we were together, you pretended to love me so fervently that I thought I had already entered the paradise of happiness. But later, I realized that it was the beginning of a hellish nightmare!

Even if you don’t want to be with me anymore, even if there’s no room for me in your heart, could you consider my feelings? I just want to live my life healthy, happy, and joyful, even if it’s just a bit. But have I been truly happy these past years? No, I’ve spent so much for you, wandering and drifting through the world. For you, I’ve given up my entire family. For you, I’ve endured the bitterness of longing.

I clearly know my father is waiting for his biological son to come home and visit him. I clearly know my father is waiting with hope for us to return to the family.

But knowing all these, for your happiness, I still chose to pretend that I knew nothing. Do you know how desperate I am? Do you know how hard my father has lived? You’ve never considered what kind of life we really want. Your decisions are always based solely on satisfying your selfish desires!

Isn’t it truly you who is selfish and self-serving? Don’t you have any sense of accountability for what you’ve done?

Stop fantasizing about others forgiving you because what you’ve done makes it impossible for them to forgive you in this lifetime. You can only live in your pain, in your world, never coming out again, because in this lifetime, you have no path to return. You can’t escape the torment of pain, enduring it time and again, hurting time and again. In the end, you’re just tasting the consequences of your actions!"

Thousands upon thousands of doorsteps, always someone chooses to leave first. Since I can’t linger in your embrace, why can’t I enjoy the departure while tears uncontrollably fall?