I want to forget everything from the past and become a simple person who asks nothing of the world.

"Mom, honestly, I don’t really want anything. I just want you to spend more time with me and fill the void I’ve had for all these years. Maybe nothing really matters to me, except the unwavering companionship of my parents!

These past years, Grandpa has truly had a difficult time living alone, always silently missing you. He has never expressed his longing for you to anyone because he’s an adult. He thought of burying all his longing deep within his heart, never letting anyone see through it, but he said I am his grandson and I can see through all his thoughts."

"Child, listen to me as I tell you about my past love story!

After separating from him, day and night I thought of him. I didn’t know when he might send me a message. I waited silently for it, and hoped one day he would reply. But as time went on, not a single message came, and I realized I truly lost all contact with him.

It was only then that I understood what I’d truly lost. Day by day, I lived like a soulless shell. Whether walking down the street or anywhere else, I retraced the places he frequented, yearning for time to rewind. If it could, I would never let go of her hand again. I’d hold tightly so she’d belong to me alone. Knowing her heart was broken, I realized I couldn’t fix anything, just silently shed tears of pain and distress that nobody could comprehend.

Slowly, I recollect the places where I held hands and walked with him. At every step, all I could think of was his silhouette, him smiling at me, yet feeling disappointed and hopeless because I couldn’t reach him.

I don’t know how many times I’ve felt such despair. All I know is I’ve always lived blindly like this, waiting for him day and night. I made everything related to him the most important, hoping for a reply. Even if it were the cruelest insult, I’d be happy. But I got nothing. She vanished completely from my life, like evaporating from this world. How could I not feel heartbroken?

Child, I really envy you. You and your wife ended up together happily ever after. I envy such a love, whereas I have no way to reunite with my first love in this lifetime. I deeply wish to return to that time, even if I lose everything, even if I gain no understanding from anyone. If only he could reach out, I’d be happy. I’ve numbed myself every day, putting all my energy into work, relying on it to forge my way. I just want a peaceful life on my own, without making anyone angry or sad, yet I wait for him nightly. Why can’t heaven give me a chance to turn over a new leaf?

Child, have you realized how painful it once was for me? Watching the person you love suffer, longing to give a comforting embrace. You know every plan revolves around you, my child. Do you know how heartbreaking it was when I ruthlessly abandoned her? Nobody can understand that gut-wrenching pain. I never want to experience it again. I forced myself to become more callous, to walk a path of oblivion, only to find that I still kept your father in my heart after all these years. He’s like my heartbeat, constantly pulsating within. As long as it beats, we’ll forever be intertwined. When it ceases, he’ll stop being with me and follow me into another world.

My love for him will never change, no matter how time passes. I’ll always tuck it deep in my heart, realizing that I never thought about how deeply I loved her. For her, I traversed the ends of the earth, only to ultimately lose contact. I just wish the heavens could grant me a chance to amend my mistakes. In such a vast world, I’ve thought of finding him, but no place led to him, and all these memories are just heartache. No one can truly fathom the inner misery I feel.

I envy couples like you having a happy ending—love that I could never attain in my lifetime. I’ve given him my first love, my most precious things, eager to be with him. Though pouring out all my love, he always felt I was playing with her emotions. But how can he know what I truly wish for? No one understands the depth of my heartbreak and loss. I can only say that losing him is the greatest pain of my life. He’s the one I love most, and yet I’ve lost someone who loves me deeply. A heartache that nobody can fathom. I’ve numbed myself repeatedly, yet fate’s designs cannot be altered."

"Mother, can’t those old unhappy things be let go? I can feel that pain as well. When I nearly couldn’t be with the woman I love the most, it was despairing. I just didn’t understand why you’d destroy my happy marriage. Now I know, perhaps you were just a bit jealous. Even you couldn’t understand why you treated your own biological son so harshly. But now I can tell you, it was partly because you envied my happy ending with a lover, fearing I’d be like you eventually. But didn’t you know how deeply I love my wife? I also understand how profoundly she loved you, and I can feel that emotion!

The past is past; no one should keep clinging to it. Living a happy and fulfilled present life is better!"

"Child, some things can’t be let go. Some people become deep-seated imprints in your heart. Only in another world might it be forgotten, and even there, I won’t forget every day spent with him because he gifted me the happiest times I can never let go..."

Sorry to my younger self, walk a thousand miles and never forget your true heart!