Dreams set sail on the wind, while my heart is like a blue ocean.

Zhang Zhentian never really expected her son’s childhood would end up like this. Everything she saw back then wasn’t entirely about how tough her son had it, something truly beyond words.

Thinking about all of this, realizing it was her selfishness that brought such suffering to her child, why does the heart of a father hurt so deeply? If deep inside, as a father, he doesn’t care about his child, then why, when he said these words today, was there still a hint of reluctance in his heart? Could it truly be that her words were just too moving?

"Yichen, listen to me. Deep down, as a father, it’s not like I don’t care. It’s just that all these years have numbed me, and I don’t know how to be a father. Over these years, I’ve imagined many scenarios of meeting again, never expecting that one day I’d come back home due to your and my grandson’s pleas. Do you know what that feels like for me? I can’t believe it, can’t accept it. Though I know everything you do is for my benefit as a father, to bring me back home, the moment you pleaded for me, I realized I could never repay what I owe you in this life!

Son, is it that every day you live in this world, you also feel tortured deep inside? You’ve never dared to hope whether one day your father would return to your side because you’re afraid to hope, afraid that all your wishes are just illusions that never come true. You can’t face the reality that repeatedly hits you hard, just like I am. I’m scared too, scared that I’ll never have any chance for happiness again, scared that I’ve lost the only right to return home!

The last time, I silently wondered if I might ever come back home as a beggar or rely on someone else’s charity. Never did I expect that ultimately, I’ve sacrificed my pride, aided by my son and grandson, to return home. I chose to admit all my mistakes because that car accident made me see in nightmares every wrong thing I’ve done in this life. It flickered again and again. How could my heart not be tortured by such things? I’m not cold-hearted, and it’s not that I don’t want to return home; I’ve just lost my right to come back time and time again because all my decisions have thoroughly made me an ungrateful person!

For my freedom, I’ve selfishly abandoned my family, forsaking my father and son. To pursue my freedom, repeatedly damaging the family’s century-long prestige!

Son, compared to you, I’m hardly worthy. Even though you think I’ve lived a rich life, do you think I’m happy? Many things have ended in ways we never imagined, haven’t they?

If, one day, after wandering outside for all those years, constantly drifting about, wouldn’t you want to return home, back to your father’s side, to your own child, even if you had someone you loved dearly accompanying you all the time? Your heart would still be empty because you miss the greetings and care from your family, which you’ve cruelly left behind, yet they hope against hope at home, yearning for your return. They long for you every moment; can you imagine how heart-wrenching it is to see your family waiting outside the door for you to return in dreams?"

At this moment, Zhang Yichen didn’t know what to say to his father.

He knew his father always wanted to return home. As a son, he’s helped as much as he can. He also understood how much his father had sacrificed all these years, but some things couldn’t be easily dismissed. The years of absence, the lack of companionship, would always be a longing deeply rooted in his heart. Even though now everything was back by his side, the missing childhood joy was something that could never be made up for.

"Dad, I can imagine that feeling. Knowing your family eagerly awaits your return, yet you lack the courage to go back. You could only stand in a dream, from afar, watching your family anxiously awaiting you, that feeling, it’s really painful, and I can understand it!"

"Because this is how I’ve lived all these years. I’ve always longed for my parents to return to me. Do you understand my anticipation for you? I wished so much for you to come back, to see me as your son. I only wish my parents could put in their last effort, just to come back and accompany me, even if just for a day, a moment, or a second. That would be all my happiness. I never had your companionship and don’t know what it feels like to be with my parents. I’ve even forgotten I have parents! 𝒇𝙧𝙚𝓮𝔀𝓮𝒃𝙣𝓸𝒗𝒆𝒍.𝙘𝒐𝒎

Perhaps expressing this hurts you deeply, perhaps hearing this makes you dissatisfied, but some things are just this cruel, and I have no way to pretend none of this happened. You are my father, and you know some things are truly unforgettable. Like when you were refused at my doorstep time after time, keenly wanting to return home, but I only brought you hurt. Would you really be happy deep down? You can never forget the hurt your son inflicted on you, can you?"

"You’re right, I can’t forget the hurt you caused me, but deep down I know that it’s all my own doing. I ultimately chose to return in this manner, which means I must endure your gaze repeatedly. I have no choice; the outcomes were beyond what anyone expected. Would the most perfect ending really have anyone believe that maybe our current ending is the right one?"

I once wished that starlight could soar across the sky, happiness like a colorful paradise. Later, I realized only by flapping my wings toward the sun could I reach my destination.