"Lucian, why do I think you’re rushing... like you’re running out of time?"

"Because I’m dying."

"Really?"

"Haha. What if I am?"

"Don’t die. If you do, I promise you I will ruin Dominion."

Ashley stopped in her tracks as she closed the bedroom door behind her. Her eyes slowly swept toward the bed, almost imagining herself and Lucian there, talking before sleep.

The composed look on her face began to crack as the tears she had been holding back all day finally surfaced. Her vision blurred, but the usual conversations they shared in this room at this hour echoed in her head.

"He... told me," she whispered as a tear finally stained her cheek. "He told me once, but I ignored it."

Lucian had already said he was dying in passing, but she ignored it. If only she hadn’t, they could’ve probably prevented this. If only she hadn’t taken it as a joke, they could’ve done more.

But no.

Just like how she ignored the signs today, she ignored all of that. And because she did, Lucian had to suffer alone. He had to keep up a front while he was dying inside.

Yet, she had no idea.

She smiled, laughed, and acted like everything was okay when it wasn’t.

"I’m sorry," came her shaky voice as she slumped onto the floor, a hand clamped over her mouth while tears fell endlessly. "I should be the one apologizing, not you."

Ashley was not angry with either Gustav or Lukas.

If anything, she was on their side this time.

It was her fault.

If only Lucian had someone who would notice, who cared more, someone more mindful. If only Lucian hadn’t had an oblivious and naive wife by his side, he wouldn’t have suffered all alone.

But because it was her, Lucian had to worry about another person.

So how could she cry for everyone to see? How could she dare act like she deserved sympathy when she didn’t? The least she could do was shield Primo because she had already failed at being Lucian’s wife.

Ashley clasped her chest as she muffled her sniffles, trying to stop her tears from falling. But it...

"... hurts," she whispered, gasping.

Her heart was not only heavy, but it also hurt. It felt like someone was stabbing it with a sharp knife. She could barely breathe properly.

If death had a feeling, perhaps this was it.

Because she felt like she was dying inside: dying from guilt, regret, and fear. She couldn’t even tell anymore.

All the things she had done in her previous life to hurt Lucian came back ten times harder and more painful.

And if there was one person she hated most in this room, it was herself.

She hated herself for everything, and today, she hated herself ten times more.

"Why did it have to be me?" she whispered. "You could’ve given this chance to him."

Instead of her, she wished Lucian had been the one to go back in time and correct things. If it were him, she knew he wouldn’t have been as careless and reckless as she was.

She knew he would make better decisions.

He would choose someone else whom he could trust. Someone who would never hurt him, and someone Dominion would accept with open arms.

If only Lucian had been the one given the chance granted to her, he would be in a better place.

Ashley preferred that... even if it meant Primo and Lucian would not be part of her life. Even if it meant she would not be part of theirs.

But this chance was given to a naive, irresponsible, and reckless person like her. So now, Lucian, Primo, Dominion, and everyone else were paying the price for her negligence.

Ashley hugged her knees as she buried her face in them. Her body trembled as the weight of loneliness and everything else felt like crushing her whole being. 𝑓𝘳𝘦𝑒𝑤𝑒𝘣𝘯ℴ𝘷𝘦𝓁.𝑐𝑜𝑚

In her head, she would only cry tonight.

Just for tonight.

To remind herself of her sins, her actions, and how selfishly she had been living.

If only she knew... that if Lucian could hear her, he would kiss all of this self-loathing away. If only she knew that she didn’t live recklessly, but rather, she gave Lucian more reasons to live.

That Lucian had once been ready to give away his life without a fight.

But because of her, he wanted to live even for just another day.

If only she knew that she had been his salvation, his light, the only person who kept reminding him he could still be human in this inhumane world. That he, too, deserved happiness, and she gave him that without conditions.

If only she knew that the peaceful nights he spent beside her were worth more than all the years he had spent alone. That her every kiss, every touch, every hug, every word of affection had become his very source of breath.

If only she knew...

But she didn’t.

How could she when he never truly said anything?

He should have said it.

He should have stopped toeing the line, fumbling, and hiding.

Lucian, in his very last moment, regretted one thing: never letting her know that she was never someone he regretted.

That if he were given another chance, he would still choose her. He would still make the same decisions, whether in this lifetime, the next one... or the one after that.

So if there was someone to blame, he definitely knew who it was — him.

It was his fault, and none of it was hers.

And due to his own negligence, she had to pay for it heavily.

*****

"Ugh, God..." Lukas pinched the bridge of his nose while seated on the waiting bench just outside the ICU. "I’m still so angry."

Gustav glanced at him while standing beside the bench, his back pressed against the wall. He sighed heavily, his head turning toward the door.

"Lukas," he called after a moment of silence. "Until we find a match, you have to tuck away all the personal issues you have."

Lukas frowned as he glanced at Gustav, catching the latter staring at the entrance of the intensive care unit.

"It’s only a matter of time before this reaches the High Chamber." Gustav slowly turned his head back to him. "Once that happens, we have to be prepared."

"Fuck." Lukas leaned back and huffed sharply. "We’ll figure things out."

"We will, but the High Chamber will never welcome us into their chamber — you know that," Gustav remarked. "Either they decide they will do most of the decision-making, or they’ll train the Young Master for it."

"What would the boy know?"

"Exactly." Gustav tilted his head slightly. "The Young Master is too young to run Dominion. Not to mention, the Master never intended for him to lead Dominion at all."

Lukas arched a brow as he glanced at Gustav once more. "What are you insinuating?"

"If we don’t hand him over, the elders will take as much power as they can during the master’s absence," Gustav carefully chose his words. "Unless someone with a legitimate position takes over while the master is gone."

A moment of silence fell between them before Lukas suddenly jumped from his seat in disbelief.

"No!" Lukas roared. "No way in hell would I consider her the new master of Dominion. No way! She’s going to ruin everything, Gustav. I’m telling you. That woman... will ruin everything that he has worked hard for."

He laughed and shook his head. "Gustav, we might as well hand over everything and step down, start looking for a place to hide if you ever think of this again. She’s gonna get both of us killed."