30 Days of Passion and Revenge-Chapter 169: Lack of Security

Lily Anderson’s pupils constricted again as she looked at Dr. Smith with intensity, her voice trembling slightly, "I will never commit suicide!"

Dr. Smith was taken aback by her reply but quickly regained his composure and smiled, nodding, "Alright, Miss Anderson, we’ve talked enough for now. How about you take some rest?"

He stood up, turned off the digital audio player, and gathered the cards and papers.

"Am I not normal?" Lily suddenly asked.

Why had Ethan brought her to see a psychologist? Was there something wrong with her? Wasn’t she fine the way she was? Had she hurt anyone?

Dr. Smith smiled and said, "Miss Anderson, we are human, not gods. When we encounter painful experiences, it’s natural to feel sad. Suppressing your feelings is not a smart approach. You’re normal but don’t know how to release your emotions."

Release?

How was she supposed to release them?

Was she suppressing herself? No, she was fine. She didn’t feel like anything was wrong.

She had survived every hardship. How could there still be something wrong?

After Nanny rested Lily, Ethan called Dr. Smith to go to his study.

Sunlight streamed through the windows, illuminating the elegantly decorated European-style room.

"How is she?" Ethan asked impatiently before sitting down, hoping Dr. Smith would say nothing was wrong with Lily.

Dr. Smith sat across from him, turning on the digital audio player and letting the calming sound of ocean waves fill the room.

Ethan frowned, glaring at him, then growled impatiently, "I asked how she is! I didn’t ask for therapy!"

What was the point of making him listen to music?!

Ethan’s fierce demeanor made Dr. Smith flinch, but he mustered the courage to ask, "What do you hear in this music, Mr. Blackwood?"

"Just the sound of children laughing. What’s so special about that?!" Ethan snapped, growing increasingly irritated. It was just music—what was the point of listening to it?!

He wasn’t the one with a problem!

"But Miss Anderson heard many chaotic voices," Dr. Smith said softly.

Ethan’s eyes widened in shock.

He immediately sat straight in his chair, grabbed the digital audio player, and listened carefully. Aside from the calming ocean waves and children laughing, there was nothing else.

Chaotic voices... Did Lily interpret the children’s laughter as chaotic?

"What does that mean?" Ethan asked, his voice tense, his eyes betraying a hint of unease. Did Lily have a psychological problem?

"It reflects her inner state. It means her mind is in chaos. She’s keeping a lot of things bottled up inside, which are overwhelming her and making her feel like everything is out of control," Dr. Smith explained.

Of course, her mind was in turmoil—she had just found out that she and Alex Carter were siblings. How could she not be confused?

He knew there was something wrong with her. She wasn’t crying, she wasn’t angry, and she wasn’t making a scene. Who else would react this way and still try to find a job?!

"Go on!" Ethan growled, gripping the digital audio player tightly.

Dr. Smith regained professional composure and continued his analysis, pointing to the abstract painting Lily had looked at earlier. "Miss Anderson said she saw a black butterfly at first glance. In our field, this symbolizes that she feels trapped by something."

"Trapped?" Ethan’s frown deepened.

"There are many colors in the image, but Miss Anderson focused on the black butterfly, surrounded by all the other colors. This indicates that she feels trapped and suffocated, her thoughts and emotions closing in on her," Dr. Smith explained, pointing to the various colors surrounding the black butterfly in the picture.

Ethan stared at the black butterfly on the card and, unable to contain his frustration, slammed his fist down on the desk, his eyes flashing with dark anger.

He should never have agreed to that deal with Henry Anderson, that sly fox. Damn it!

Lily would’ve been better off ignoring him than being stuck in this situation now!

Dr. Smith flinched at Ethan’s outburst, then nervously continued explaining the symbolism in Lily’s responses to the cards. Almost all her answers pointed in the same direction—

Her inner world was in turmoil. She lacked a sense of security and was repressing her emotions, shutting herself off entirely.

"I don’t want to hear this nonsense! Just tell me how serious it is!" Ethan interrupted, his patience worn thin by all the technical jargon. He didn’t care about the professional terms.

Dr. Smith inhaled sharply, clearly anxious as he said, "If this continues, it could develop into severe depression."

"Depression?!"

Ethan’s eyes widened in disbelief, and his anger flared as he slammed his palm onto the desk again, standing up abruptly. His gaze was fierce as he glared at Dr. Smith, gritting his teeth. "Are you saying she’s depressed?! Are you sure you’re not misdiagnosing her?!"

"Miss Anderson is... she’s a non-typical case," Dr. Smith stammered, shrinking back in his chair.

"What do you mean, non-typical?!"

"Well, uh, Miss Anderson is a very unique case. What I’m trying to say is..." Dr. Smith stuttered.

"Speak properly, damn it!" Ethan roared. What kind of psychologist stammered like this? What type of expert had Helen found?!

"Yes, Mr. Blackwood," Dr. Smith said, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "Most people with depression exhibit suicidal tendencies, but when I tested Miss Anderson, her immediate reaction was that she would never commit suicide."

"What does that mean?!" Ethan asked coldly.

Wasn’t it a good thing that she didn’t want to commit suicide?

Didn’t it mean she was still positive and had hope for life? How could that be considered depression?!

Was this doctor trying to make money by diagnosing Lily with a problem?!

"Miss Anderson is extremely suppressing her emotions. She refuses to let them out, and at the same time, she’s suppressing any desire to act recklessly."

Dr. Smith explained carefully, "In other words, she’s suppressing herself from both sides. This is a hazardous sign. Fortunately, it’s still early, and there’s time for treatment."

That woman wouldn’t even show that she was in pain. Why was she suppressing everything? Why lock herself up? What had happened had already happened!

"It’s like..." Dr. Smith raised both hands and slowly brought them together in a gesture "like pressing down on an inflated balloon. Sooner or later, it’s going to burst."

"And what happens if it bursts?"

Understanding Ethan’s question, Dr. Smith quickly replied, "She’ll have a mental breakdown."

Ethan stared at him in shock, then grabbed the stack of cards from the desk and flipped through them. Could these random pictures determine that Lily was depressed?

They were just a few drawings; what could they possibly show?! How could they indicate that Lily was on the verge of a breakdown?! This was absurd!

Rip—

Ethan’s chest heaved with frustration. He tore the papers apart and threw them at Dr. Smith, shouting, "Get out of here!"

Ethan then called several more renowned psychologists to evaluate Lily, and all came to the same conclusion.

"Mr. Blackwood, during our conversation, Miss Anderson said ’I’m fine’ three times. This shows that she desperately wants to believe she’s fine but doesn’t know how to achieve it."

"Mr. Blackwood, Miss Anderson has an extreme lack of security. She feels that no one can help her."

"Miss Anderson has retreated into her world. She’s locked the door to her heart, refusing to come out or let anyone in."

Lack of security, refusal to talk, extreme emotional repression.

What the hell kind of diagnoses were these?

"Mr. Blackwood, here are the evaluations and treatment plans from the doctors," Nanny said as she placed several reports on Ethan’s desk.

Thud!

Ethan was browsing information about depression on his computer when he heard her. He glanced up and irritably swept all the reports off the desk onto the floor.

"They’re all quacks! Tell the office to contact the top psychologists abroad!"

Ethan shouted, his frustration palpable, his handsome features tense with agitation.

He wouldn’t allow Lily to suffer from any illness.

"Mr. Blackwood, Miss Anderson has seen five psychologists today. She’s not doing well," Nanny said worriedly.

"Not doing well?!" He had been so caught talking to the doctors that he hadn’t checked on her.

"Yes, I can see that she doesn’t want to talk to the psychologists, but she still answers their questions individually. I think it’s too much for her," Nanny explained. She had been by Lily’s side throughout the sessions.

Lily repeated the exact phrases repeatedly, the one she said most often being, I’m fine.

It was as if she was forcing herself to stay strong.

Watching her was exhausting, even for Nanny. Yet Lily herself seemed utterly numb.

"Make her something to eat."

Ethan rubbed his temples in frustration, feeling a sharp pain in his chest. The thought of her suffering was unbearable.

It was just one setback. Just one betrayal by her father, just that she couldn’t marry Alex... Why couldn’t she cry it out? Why suppress herself like this? Was she trying to drive herself insane?!

"Mr. Blackwood, I think you should spend more time with Miss Anderson," Nanny said as she picked up the scattered reports, her tone sincere. "That would help her far more than any psychologist or medication."

After Nanny left, Ethan finally opened one of the evaluation reports. At the very end, it read:

This patient has closed off her heart. She will recover if you can help her open up and express her emotions. Give her a sense of security, warmth, and the belief that someone cares for her and loves her.

Care for her...

Love her...

Damn it, did they expect him to be gentle again?! How had he, Ethan Blackwood, changed so much for this woman?!

Lily had spent the day answering the same repetitive questions from five psychologists. She felt utterly numb when she walked into the main bedroom’s study. On the bookshelf, she noticed one of the novels she had been reading before.

Not wanting to stay idle, Lily grabbed the book and began reading, marking parts she didn’t understand with a pen.

There was still so much she didn’t know. She could take a French class.

Finding a job, learning French... her life would be everything to do.

That way, she wouldn’t have time to sit still.

Suddenly, Lily sensed someone watching her. It had been a while, but the gaze remained.

She turned and saw Ethan Blackwood leaning casually against the doorframe, his dark eyes fixed on her. The anger from earlier was gone, replaced by a deep, contemplative look as he stared at her, lost in thought.

They locked eyes—his gaze deep, hers calm and indifferent. Neither of them looked away for a long time.

"Ethan, I need to go out and find a job," Lily finally said after a long silence, once again asking for permission to leave the Blackwood estate. She couldn’t afford to stay idle.

"No," Ethan immediately denied without even thinking.

As soon as the words left his mouth, a flicker of regret crossed his face. Damn it, he couldn’t use that harsh tone.

He needed to care... to be gentle...

Damn it!

"Could you help me with these sentence structures? I don’t understand them," Lily asked, seemingly unaware of his internal struggle. She raised the French novel she was reading.

She looked perfectly normal.

Yet all the psychologists had concluded that she was repressing herself too much and that she would only recover if she let her emotions out.