A Love I Shouldn't Feel-Chapter 200: Silent Despair ( )

Kyouko’s phone rang.

She dried her hands quickly with a towel and walked over to check the screen.

"Hmm... who’s number is this?"

A number she didn’t recognize.

No name. No label.

She hesitated... then slowly slid her thumb across the screen to accept.

"Hello?"

A calm voice answered on the other end—professional, but serious.

"Is this Harusawa Kyouko?"

Her fingers instinctively gripped the phone tighter.

"Yes... this is Kyouko speaking."

There was a brief pause on the line, as if the speaker was choosing their next words carefully.

"This is from Tokyo General Hospital. A man named Nakagawa Haruki was admitted a short while ago."

Kyouko’s breath caught.

"Admitted...?"

"He was involved in a traffic incident. He’s currently being treated. We’re calling because your contact was listed as his emergency reference."

Her knees weakened slightly.

The room tilted just a little.

"Is he... is he conscious?" she asked, voice soft.

The nurse’s voice was calm but noncommittal.

"The doctors are doing everything they can. We recommend you come as soon as possible."

For a moment, the silence in the kitchen became unbearable.

Kyouko’s hand trembled as she lowered the phone.

Kyouko stood frozen for a beat—her breath caught in her throat.

Then panic exploded.

She spun on her heels, rushing out of the kitchen, nearly stumbling on the corner of the rug.

Her hands dove into her purse, fingers trembling as they searched for the car key.

Found it.

She turned, bolted to the front door, fumbled with the lock, and threw it open.

She hit the remote, unlocking the car and smashing the gate button without waiting.

The iron gate slowly began to slide open.

But she didn’t wait.

She ran.

Hair loose, eyes wide with dread, heart pounding so loudly it drowned the rest of the world.

She climbed into the car, started the engine—

Slapped the gear into reverse and backed out of the driveway without checking the mirrors.

The gate was only halfway open.

She didn’t care.

The bumper scraped the metal as she shot out into the street.

Inside her mind—

A scream.

Haruki.

No.

No no no no.

"Haruki!!"

Her hands gripped the wheel tighter as she turned the corner, tires screeching against the asphalt.

"Haruki..." she whispered again, her voice cracking.

Tears welled in her eyes.

The city blurred past the windows.

She only had one destination.

One thought.

One man.

The hospital came into view.

Kyouko swerved into the nearest open space in the visitor parking lot, barely stopping the engine before flinging open the door.

She grabbed her purse in a panic, her fingers numb, her breath shallow.

She ran.

Through the sliding doors, into the clean white lobby of the hospital.

Eyes turned toward her—nurses, patients, staff—

But she didn’t see any of them.

She pushed past the crowd, her heels echoing sharply on the floor.

"Emergency... emergency ward...!"

She looked around—wild, desperate.

Then she saw the sign.

She followed the hallway.

Her chest heaved.

Her heart was breaking with every step.

She burst into the emergency department, breath ragged, tears in her eyes.

"Where’s Haruki!?"

A nurse behind the counter looked up in alarm.

"Ma’am, please calm down—"

"No! Where is Haruki!? Tell me where he is!"

Her voice cracked.

Her hands slammed against the desk.

The nurse stood, gentle but firm.

"Ma’am, please... He’s currently in the trauma treatment unit. The doctors are doing everything they can."

"Can I see him!?"

"Not right now."

The nurse hesitated, voice softening.

"Please wait in the family area—we’ll update you as soon as we can."

Kyouko’s lips trembled.

She couldn’t speak.

She nodded slowly, stepping back.

The world felt too bright. Too white. Too far away.

She walked to the waiting area, knees shaking, and sat down.

Her hands clutched her purse on her lap like a lifeline.

"Please... Haruki..."

Her tears finally fell.

"Don’t leave me."

Kyouko sat in the cold, sterile waiting area.

Her body trembling, her breath uneven.

She pulled out her phone with shaking fingers and tapped Satomi’s number.

Ring... ring... ring...

No answer.

She tried again.

Ring... ring...

Nothing.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and switched to Satoshi’s contact.

Call failed.

Again.

Still nothing.

"Pick up..." she whispered, as if begging the screen.

She opened LINE and quickly typed.

Haruki is in the hospital. Accident. Please come.

Tokyo General. Emergency.

Still no reply.

She sent the same message again via regular SMS.

The screen stayed quiet.

Empty.

Her fingers clenched the phone.

Then slowly, she set it down on her lap.

And finally—she broke.

Her sobs came in waves, her shoulders trembling, hands covering her mouth as if to hold in the scream rising from her chest.

"Please..."

"Haruki..."

You promised me...

You said we’d be together.

"Please don’t leave me..."

The fluorescent lights above flickered faintly.

Somewhere down the hall, the hum of machines continued.

But for Kyouko, everything had gone silent—

Except the sound of her own heart...

shattering.

Kyouko sat hunched in the corner of the waiting area, eyes red, her cheeks damp with dried tears.

Her fingers kept fidgeting with the strap of her purse.

Hours had passed.

She had stopped checking the time.

Stopped looking at her phone.

Stopped hoping for a reply from anyone.

But she couldn’t stop staring at the glowing light above the trauma room doors—

A cruel, steady reminder that he was still inside.

Still fighting.

And then...

it went dark.

The hallway light above the door flickered once—

Then turned off completely.

Kyouko stood up.

Heart in her throat.

The world seemed to narrow, every sound muffled.

The double doors swung open.

A doctor stepped out—still in surgical scrubs, his eyes tired behind his glasses.

Kyouko rushed forward.

Her voice cracked, desperate.

"How is Haruki?"

The doctor looked at her.

Then took a slow, quiet breath.

"Sorry....?"

Kyouko’s world collapsed.

She didn’t scream.

She didn’t faint.

She just stood there, eyes wide.

Lips trembling.

Shoulders trembling.

The sound of "sorry" echoed in her ears.

Her knees gave way.

She dropped to the floor.

Tears streamed down her face as her whole body trembled.

She couldn’t breathe.

Couldn’t think.

Everything felt like it was shattering.

Until the doctor’s voice came again, a bit more gently this time.

"Ah—Miss...."

Kyouko froze.

Her tear-filled eyes lifted.

The doctor continued.

"He’s been stabilized. We’ve moved him to the ICU for close monitoring."

"He’s alive...?"

"Yes," the doctor nodded, expression calm but serious.

"There was a concussion, multiple contusions, and his blood pressure was unstable when he arrived. But we managed to stabilize him. Right now, he’s under sedation and connected to monitors. We’re keeping a close eye on his vitals."

Kyouko’s legs nearly gave way again, but she caught herself on the wall, clutching it.

"Can I see him...? Please, just for a moment..."

The doctor shook his head slowly, compassion in his voice.

"I understand how you feel. But.."

"The ICU environment is very controlled. He’s under heavy monitoring, and only immediate family is allowed once his condition is re-evaluated."

He paused.

"And even then, only one visitor at a time. We’ll let you know once he’s cleared for visitation."

Kyouko nodded weakly, pressing her hand to her chest as she tried to calm her breath.

"Thank you... Thank you for saving him..."

The doctor gave a brief bow and stepped away, heading back through the ICU doors.

Kyouko stood there for a long time.

Still crying.

Still trembling.

But alive...

with hope.

( End Of Chapter )

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