A Love I Shouldn't Feel-Chapter 201: Still Holding On ( )

There was a small bench just outside the ICU wing, nestled between the vending machine.

Kyouko sat there now.

Her purse in her lap.

Hands clasped tightly.

Eyes fixed on the closed doors.

Somewhere behind them, Haruki was lying alone—silent, surrounded by machines, his breath regulated by a rhythm not his own.

She could still feel the warmth of his arms around her.

The way he kissed her neck just this morning.

The way he whispered her name.

"Haruki..."

Her phone vibrated sharply.

The screen lit up:

Satomi.

Kyouko sniffed, wiped her face quickly, and answered.

Before she could speak.

"Mom!! Where are you!? Do you know how long we’ve been waiting outside!? We thought you went to the supermarket!"

Kyouko stared ahead, jaw clenched.

She wanted to scream.

To throw the phone.

To tell them everything.

Her voice came out low. Cold. Controlled.

"...Are you both stupid or blind?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"Check your messages."

A pause.

"Check LINE."

She didn’t wait for a reply.

Didn’t want to hear their voices anymore.

Kyouko ended the call.

Set the phone gently on her lap.

And turned her gaze back toward the ICU doors.

All that mattered... was behind them.

Her phone rang again.

Satomi.

Kyouko didn’t move.

She didn’t pick it up.

She stared at the screen until it dimmed, then pressed her finger down and silenced it completely.

She was done.

Done with both of them.

She no longer cared what those two foolish, blind people thought.

Their voices, their excuses, their world, it meant nothing to her now.

Her world was in that room.

Stillness wrapped around her as she rose from the bench.

Quietly, she walked to the narrow window that offered a distant view into the ICU through a glass panel.

Her fingertips brushed the cold surface.

Beyond it, just shadows, machines, the faint silhouette of the man she loved.

Haruki...

Kyouko’s lips trembled.

Her chest ached.

Her body, still warm from his touch earlier that morning, now felt hollow.

She stood there, staring. Hoping.

Really hoping.

That somewhere behind that door...

That somewhere beyond the wires and silence and pain...

Haruki would come back to her.

Alive.

Breathing.

Smiling.

Hours passed.

The waiting room grew quieter.

Shadows stretched longer across the tiled floor.

Kyouko hadn’t moved from her spot.

She sat still. Composed. Her face unreadable.

Not crying. Not trembling.

Just waiting.

The glass doors slid open.

Satomi and Satoshi stepped in.

Satomi looked around with mild annoyance, her heels clicking sharply.

Satoshi trailed behind, checking his phone.

"There you are!" Satomi called out. "Mom! How did this even happen?"

Kyouko looked up at them slowly. Her expression never changed.

"I don’t know," she said flatly. "All I got was a phone call from the hospital."

Satomi blinked. "That’s it?"

Kyouko nodded.

She didn’t offer anything else.

No tears. No explanation.

Just silence.

Satomi stepped closer, arms crossed.

"So... can we go in and see him?"

Kyouko shook her head. Calm.

"The doctor said they’ll inform us when he’s ready for visitors."

Satomi huffed quietly.

Satoshi didn’t speak. He sat down on the opposite bench and pulled out his phone again.

Neither of them looked particularly worried.

Kyouko lowered her eyes.

Her hands folded neatly on her lap once more.

She was still just the mother-in-law...

Kyouko glanced sideways.

Satomi was standing near the window, looking through the glass with an unreadable expression.

Not worried. Not anxious.

Just... tired.

Satoshi had already taken a seat on the far bench, tapping casually at his tablet, one leg crossed over the other.

Completely detached.

After a moment, Satomi turned away from the glass and sat down again.

Kyouko reached into her purse.

Took out the gate remote.

The house key.

The alarm controller.

She stood and walked over, her face calm.

"If you’re both tired, you can go home first," she said, holding them out.

Satomi looked up, a little surprised.

"Are you sure, Mom?"

Kyouko nodded. "Yes. Don’t worry about me. I’ll call if anything happens. Or if there’s an update."

Satomi hesitated for only a second, then took the items from her hand.

"Okay, Mom."

She turned and walked off, Satoshi following behind without a word.

The glass doors slid open with a quiet hiss...

Then closed behind them.

Kyouko stood there for a moment, alone once again.

She returned to her seat.

Folded her hands neatly in her lap.

The minutes stretched on.

The faint hum of machines down the hallway.

Then.

Footsteps.

A white coat.

A calm voice.

"Miss Harusawa?"

Kyouko looked up immediately.

"Yes... that’s me."

The doctor gave a small, professional nod.

"You can come in and visit him now. But please be aware—he’s still unconscious."

Kyouko stood slowly, her hands gently tightening around the strap of her purse.

"...Mm. Thank you, doctor."

He gestured toward the door.

"I’ll have the nurse guide you. Please don’t touch the equipment, and let him rest. But you may stay for a while."

Kyouko bowed her head politely.

"I understand."

Kyouko stepped inside.

The room was dim, filled with the soft beeping of machines and the low hiss of oxygen.

Haruki lay still, pale against the white sheets. His chest rose and fell.

She walked in slowly, quietly.

And sat down beside him.

Her hands folded on her lap.

Her back straight.

Composed.

But her lips trembled.

She bit them softly, trying to keep her breath steady.

Trying not to cry.

Her eyes traced the lines on his face. The IV in his arm. The monitor beside him.

She wanted to reach out.

To hold his hand.

To press it against her cheek.

But she knew, she couldn’t.

Not with all the wires. Not while he was like this.

Inside her mind—

Why?

Why now?

Why after I finally decided...

That it’s time for us to stop pretending.

To stop hiding.

Her vision blurred.

Try her hard not to tear.

Haruki...

Please wake up.

I’m here.

Your girl is here.

The one who cherishes you...

The one who cares for you...

The one who really loves you.

She swallowed hard. Her fingers curled tightly in her lap.

Please...

I will do anything you want...

Anything you need.

Cooking...

Caring...

My time...

My body.

Everything, Haruki.

Everything...

Her lips parted slightly, trembling with the weight of what she couldn’t say aloud.

If you want me to leave him... to divorce Satoshi... I will.

If you want me to carry your child... I’m ready.

So please...

Please come back to me.

( End Of Chapter )

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