Craved by the Wrong Volkov-Chapter 185: Avelina’s diary part 6

AVELINA

October 20th 2000

I tried not to think about the diagnosis. This could be fixed, right? Or maybe it was a very bad dream I couldn’t wake up from.

But the subtle change was real. Dominic didn’t say anything but the bodyguard always shadowing me says it all. He is scared I would hurt his daughter.

Braelyn’s nursery was moved far away from my room. Far enough I didn’t even hear her loud cries anymore. It was a good thing that her cries wouldn’t bother me anymore, but the thought that they were keeping my daughter away from me because I was dangerous to her still stung in a way I didn’t like.

They don’t even let me wander in that direction anymore. Dominic, who always excitedly spoke about Braelyn, never mentions her again. It was like she was systematically erased from my life.

I had no link to Braelyn. I had never held her, not even once, since she was born, nor have I directly breastfed her.

I always used a pump instead. That alone was the only thing that reminded me that I had given birth.

I was curious about her but it was better I didn’t for the best.

Dominic is doing his best to keep himself together. In the few days after her birth, his grey hair had doubled on his head, although he was still handsome.

Even he couldn’t handle a new infant and a crazy wife. Last night, while he thought I was asleep, I heard him quietly, crying and breaking down. It broke something in me.

He was a man desperately trying to hold everything together. I wondered if he wasn’t scared sleeping beside me. After all, I was dangerous and might attack him

If he starts distancing himself, I don’t know if I would be able to hold it together. 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝙚𝙬𝓮𝙗𝒏𝙤𝒗𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝒐𝓶

I have made up my mind. I will do my best to get better. I will tell him I am ready to start treatment. It was the least I could do.

*******

November 30th 2000

It was the longest month of my life. I tried my best but things only got worse. I could see Nadia again. I tried ignoring her. She wasn’t real and just my imagination.

Whom was I kidding? She remained.

A month ago, I was sent to a psychiatric ward. My diary was confiscated, which is why I haven’t been able to write in a while.

Update things haven’t gotten any better. I still can’t stand the sight of Braelyn despite not even being close to her.

The pictures of her always made me cringe with this strange feeling in my heart. She has been surviving on formula for the past few weeks. I couldn’t breastfeed her not with all the drugs in blood stream

The isolation backfired

Dominic made sure to visit every week though. I managed to ask him how Breelyn was doing, and he literally lit up, telling me every detail. He was happy talking about her...

He deserves to have that happiness. I told Dominic that he should take me away from the ward.

He was stunned but he agreed. I am still undergoing treatment but it was far away and somewhere calm

We arrived at the vacation villa yesterday and just the air here puts me at ease.

Tonight the sky looks lovely. It was a moonless night but the stars were really pretty. Maybe I will be able to find peace again.

I might get over this curse. Dominic promised to find a renowned expert to help.

********

Braelyn’s POV

Back to presence.

It was long past midnight, and I was completely immersed in the diary. I didn’t know if I should believe what was written in these pages or not.

If what was written in this book was right, that means everything I really knew about the fire was wrong. Dad lied to me, the fire wasn’t an accident, and Mum didn’t die in labour as he said.

She was the one who caused the fire and she was suffering from a mental condition. I didn’t know how to process this I could not continue further

I fell back on the bed staring at the ceiling. I was mentally exhausted. Everything was testing my morale at this point

The guilt from Lucien’s mother’s death had pushed her to the edge. To a point, she was starting to doubt reality. What if what she wrote here was wrong after all I couldn’t believe what a woman who no longer trusted her own mind wrote.

Avelina, I never knew her in person. The only thing I knew about my mother was her name and the fact that she looked like

After a while, I slowly pulled myself up and continued reading.

Avelina moved to the vacation villa, the same one where I found the diary. Dad did his best to help her. He found an expert to help with her treatment.

She started fighting with reality and her thoughts. There wasn’t much to note from her entries.

She only wrote about how the treatment went and how excited she was during Dominic’s visit. He always made sure to visit her once a month some months even more than once

Whenever he was around, she spent time together, and things were almost like they were before I was born. She had recovered a lot, and her gaze wasn’t as lifeless as it was before. Nadia stopped showing up...

The problem was that there was always a shadow between them

It was me. Mother never asked how I was doing, and Dad never brought it up either, for a few years, until the year I turned 3.

********

September 24th 2003

The doctors say I have almost made a full recovery. All I just had to do was stay on my medication.

He says I should try meeting Braelyn. It will be the first time I will be seeing her since she was a baby. Everyone said I am ready to meet her. Dominic was practically beaming as if this were a moment he was waiting for.

I don’t think I am ready, what if the nightmare starts again? What if I start seeing Nadia again

I am scared. I don’t want to see her but we can never be sure if I have fully recovered unless we try.

What if I try hurting her again? I don’t want to do something that would make Dominic hate me.