Craved by the Wrong Volkov-Chapter 186: Avelina’s diary part 7

AVELINA

25th September 2003

I finally saw her. She had grown a lot since I last saw her. Braelyn. Dominic brought her over; his eyes were filled with anticipation to see this very moment.

It was her 3rd birthday, and he said it was very special to her because she was finally going to see her mother. We met at the airport. I had nervously waited for their flight to arrive and, when it finally did, my gaze was fixed on the gate, waiting for them to appear.

She looks more like an angel than the devil I thought she was. Dark, straight hair and those emerald eyes that were a mirror of mine. At a glance, you could tell she was my daughter.

Dominic stopped a few steps away from me. His eyes lit up with expectation, waiting for me to make the first move. Braelyn stood behind her father.

She was staring at me with innocent, glassy eyes. Dominic whispered something in her ear and her face lit up. She grinned, showing her teeth, one of which was missing, and before I could process what was going on,

she bolted towards me on her small legs. She hugged me and my body froze. I did not know exactly how to react. I just stared at her. My gaze met Dominic’s. Something flickered in his eyes and I knew I was doing something wrong.

Under Dominic’s gaze, I crouched down to hug her. She excitedly wrapped her arms around my neck. I understood what she wanted.

She wanted me to carry her. I carried her, as expected, and smiled at her. I do not know if Dominic noticed it or not, but my eyes, which had held anticipation and worry while waiting at the gate, were now dull.

Maybe it was the child’s ignorance and oblivion. Braelyn grinned and said she loved me, that her father told her how much I also loved her. I was stunned by her words. I laughed it off and urged Dominic that we should leave.

We left the airport and headed to town. It was her 3rd birthday and Dominic wanted it to be special. There was a popular amusement park in town. He took us there to celebrate her birthday.

It was a long day. The entire day we did what Braelyn wanted. Ate sweets, took rides, played games, and even took our first picture as a family. By evening, we were walking under amber light. Dominic made me hold her hand as we walked like a real family, while Braelyn was enjoying her ice cream.

It felt like a perfect day. Braelyn was very excited and Dominic was happier than ever. After dinner, Dominic helped Braelyn brush her teeth and get ready for bed.

I overheard Braelyn laughing from the bathroom while she was having her bubble bath. She was excitedly telling her father how happy she was to spend time with me.

Her birthday wish was for us to be like this forever. Dominic did not answer after the bath. He picked out her favourite pyjamas and put her to bed after telling her a bedtime story. I watched them with complex emotions.

Braelyn had her nanny, but Dominic, who was always busy with work, still had time to do all these little things. I observed quietly from the side of the door.

Agnes was standing beside me. She stared at Dominic with admiration. She said he was a good father, and that statement stung, even though it should not have.

Before Braelyn closed her eyes, she told him she loved him and, without a beat, he said the same thing. He did not leave her side even after she fell asleep. Agnes left after a while, but I stood there, observing.

Finally, he whispered in a tone that was meant to reach my ears, "I hope your birthday wishes come true."

Dominic whispered before glancing at me. Then I asked him a question that took him a short moment to answer. Between Braelyn and me, who he loved more. He did not answer immediately. He looked stunned before saying he loved us equally.

Braelyn was the best gift I had given him.

Dominic is sleeping right now beside me. These past three years have been hard on him, but I wondered if he noticed the details from today.

If he noticed that I felt nothing when I held Braelyn for the first time since the day she let out her first cry.

If he noticed when she told me she loved a mother she had never met before. My heart twisted, and I could not give her a response because I did not want to lie to a child.

The entire time we were at the park, I had forced myself to play along. I did not enjoy a moment of it. Even when I held her small hand, I felt a subtle, prickling irritation.

Worse, there was one feeling I did manage to feel for the girl. I did not want to admit it, but it was evidence of how bad a mother I was.

I hated how much attention he paid to Braelyn. She looked so much like me, and when he hesitated to answer my question, one thing was clear. He loved her. He loved our daughter even more than me.

Dominic desperately wants to bridge the gap between us, but will that gap be filled when the only thing I feel for my own daughter is an irritating sense of jealousy?

Yes, I have improved. At least I could bring myself to hold her, but my heart had no place for her. Worse, I did not want to share my space in his heart with her.

I tried. God knows I tried to love her like any mother should. But I cannot.

The doctor said that I had recovered, but why can I still not love her? What kind of mother gets jealous because her husband cares for their daughter? 𝑓𝓇𝘦ℯ𝘸𝘦𝑏𝓃𝑜𝘷ℯ𝑙.𝑐𝑜𝓂

I am sorry.

Please forgive me, but I really cannot bring myself to love that girl.

When I stare at her, I do not see the daughter I should love. I see Nadia’s curse.

I am scared of telling Dominic what I feel.

But I am deeply sorry. I do not think I can ever love her. She does not belong in my world.