I Will Be the Greatest Knight-Chapter 441: Not Yet

What was too much and what was too little?

Irene recalled the way he liked her affection on the night of the Winter Solstice Banquet. Even just now, he seemed fine with her trying to soothe him as they sat together.

While Henry wasn’t upset with her, she had witnessed many times in her parents’ relationship just how valuable a mere touch was. Since he seemed to be struggling, she decided that was what she must do.

Irene quietly walked towards the Commander, who seemed to be begging the cold outside to soothe his sickness. She recalled when he helped her after drinking too much and saying that coldness against someone’s face made nausea go away.

It felt awful knowing that was how he was feeling just because he tried to eat something.

Even though it took courage, she reached toward his broad back and gently placed a hand on his left shoulder blade.

He tensed up at her touch at first, but she could hear the smile pulling at his lips as he said, "You treating me like this is going to make me want to reveal all my secrets to you."

Her eyes widened at his comment. She had the urge to pull away because she found him so frightening in these quiet moments when it was only the two of them, but she managed to hold strong.

Eventually, he sighed, and his hand left his mouth. His head hung as he simply lived in the moment. He could never have expected to wake up under these circumstances with the person he was trying to show his best self to. He probably looked as horrible as he felt, yet she was there just behind him, trying to be supportive.

He had never been so touched by a simple gesture before.

However, Irene refused to back down. If he was going to make her nervous with the things he said, she was going to do it as well.

"I want you to reveal all your secrets to me," she confessed. "I’ve been waiting for such a long time."

She had been waiting months, in fact. When it felt like the only thing she could look forward to, that was when she decided she should return to this place. Now that she had him within her grasp, she remembered why there was no one else like him. Nobody else made her feel this way.

The Commander turned around and reached for her hand. The moment he left the windowsill, he seemed unstable on his feet, so he quickly led her towards his bed, where he sat down heavily.

Her heart raced as silence fell and he merely looked over her for a few moments. She found it impossible to hold still when his gaze was burning into her.

Eventually, he let go of her hand and instead reached for her arms that hung at her sides. It forced her to take a half step forward. She was practically standing between his knees. She felt there was no way he couldn’t hear her heart racing then.

"Please be patient with me," he requested. "Just give me a few more days. Then I’ll have much to say. I’ll answer every question you have." His gaze fell. "I want to be strong in front of you, but right now I feel terrible."

Through her hotheadedness and desire to demand the answers she sought, she realized what she must do. He needed to heal. That much was certain.

But it was hard to have such resolve if he kept grabbing onto her.

She pushed against his chest and took a couple of steps back.

"Then stop pulling me closer," she requested. "I’ll keep checking on you, but that’s all I’ll do until you come to me first."

As his hands left her arms, she felt a sense of loss, but she wouldn’t say anything because it was she who had requested it.

For now, it would likely be better for her to focus on her duties and get the apprentices reorganized. Before she was this person who pined after another, she was a knight first and foremost.

"I can do that," he assured her. "Then you won’t be able to back out."

And he reeled her right back in.

"I never back out of anything, Commander," she insisted. "I hope that you’re ready for that."

"Then, just one last time before you go..." he uttered.

When she wasn’t sure what he was talking about, Irene was surprised when he stood up and closed the space. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her so closely that her chin was pressed against his chest.

Even though she was so taken aback, she still found it in herself to return the hug and grip him tightly. Who knows when her next opportunity will arrive?

As they stood there, she felt him burden her with his weight a little bit. He was lucky she was such a strong base, and she silently willed him to understand that she wanted to be his support in a multitude of things, not just when he was sick.

It did make her feel bad that he wasn’t doing well. She had never seen him show such a weak side of himself, which was how she knew the severity was likely even worse than he was letting on.

After it became too much, Irene helped him get back to his bed. She wasn’t satisfied until he was comfortably lying against his pillows.

"You feel quite warm," she explained. "Is Siverly aware of it?"

"Siverly’s aware of too much." The Commander sighed. "He’s been overly attentive, considering how usually standoffish he is."

Irene smiled at that, even though it was a cover for how truly worried she was. It felt like Siverly was being attentive because he was worried about Henry’s health. She wouldn’t say it out loud, though. It was best to simply hope that he got better as he said he would in a few days.

Until then, she would be patient.

"For now, rest," Irene urged. "I will see you later."

Making it only halfway across his large as she attempted to leave, but she stopped in her tracks as she heard him say, "After seeing nothing but this room for days on end, I thought my heart would explode at the sight of you."

She could only offer him a more timid smile as she exited the room and tightly closed the door.

For now, what was best was getting far away from that place. It would be good to heat up her barrack so that she wouldn’t be freezing when she finally settled into bed.

However, as she rushed towards her barrack, she nearly ran into her dearest friend.

"You’re back?" Felix asked. "What’s the rush? How long have you been here? Didn’t think I was worthy of visiting first?"

Irene stared up at him, dumfounded.

"And why is your face red?" Felix asked, continuing to press, and an accusatory smirk pulling at his mouth.