I Will Be the Greatest Knight-Chapter 442: Secrets Between Friends

Irene knew she wouldn’t be able to get away with the circumstances when it came to Felix. After nearly eight years together, they were extremely in tune with one another. At least it seemed the Commander never thought that she and Felix were an item, like her parents did—or at least she thought as much.

The shorter knight’s eyebrows lowered at his accusatory smirk, and she pushed him further away from her.

"I was rushing," she admitted. "Now I need to get to my barrack and heat it up. It’s been kept clean, but it’s freezing in there."

"Then I’ll go with you," Felix insisted. "We haven’t been able to catch up in two months. Was beginning to think we would never see you again. Admittedly, it’s been a bit rough going over here."

It was true based on appearances alone. In Irene’s opinion, Felix looked a bit haggard. He must have had to take over a lot since the Commander was in no state to oversee things.

The thought of opening up about what she had been up to made her a bit nervous.

Irene offered a tight-lipped smile as she contemplated his words for a few moments. The reason she hadn’t been sending anyone letters was that she was so worried about her father. But now the issue with the Commander’s health made her not want to divulge it either. Felix clearly had a lot to handle.

"Fine," she relented easily after he said it was ’rough going’ and gestured for him to come along.

"Things must be pretty thawed down in the central region," Felix commented. "You’re not dressed nearly warm enough for how frozen it still is up here outside of midday."

Irene didn’t want to admit that the truth was she had stripped off all of her well-traveled in clothing because she wanted to have the neatest appearance for her reunion with the Commander. However, it seemed to have not mattered because he was bedridden—

Well, she corrected her thoughts. It seemed to have mattered because he had said his heart had nearly exploded at the sight of her.

Again, her head felt hot, and she kept her attention directed forward as she responded, "It is much warmer there. The practice yard at my father’s is already dry, and I had two good practices with my brother on the last mornings there. Now that I’m here, it seems I’ll have to face the melting season all over again, even though there isn’t much snow left; it’s just frozen."

"How’s Arne doing?" Felix asked, suddenly more interested. "Still practicing with his sword?"

"If you’re wondering when he’ll come to our knighthood, I don’t think it will be anytime soon, despite me telling him he’s always welcome," she confessed. "My parents are... Ah, they’re putting him up to a lot of preparation to take over as the heir one day. He’s stuck in the library most of the time which was why I’m so insistent on getting him outdoors when I’m there."

"That’s a shame," Felix responded. "I’m surprised your father isn’t more interested in him keeping up with the sword."

"Well, when he’s got my father’s natural strength like that, he doesn’t have much to worry about," Irene admitted. "He has a lot of unnecessary movement in his sword-fighting that could be taken away, but he still gets close to overpowering me, and I practice far more than he does."

Felix let out a thoughtful "Hmm..." at that before adding, "Things sure are different for nobles. I will never have to worry about something like that."

What a perfect way to get the attention off of her, Irene realized.

She elbowed him in the ribs.

"Sure, if you don’t create any heirs yourself to manage your spoils when you’re old and decrepit," she shot back.

They were entering the barracks by that point, and Felix shot Irene a sideways glance when she said such a thing.

However, it was his turn for his face to feel a bit red.

He couldn’t help it! Winters in Chemois were cold. There wasn’t much else to do other than figure out new ways to get warm.

When the apprentices didn’t need managing any longer, Felix would spend his evenings in unexpected ways.

+

The snow drifts from the mountain winds were so bad that the entire northern side of the Duke’s Tower had snow piled up to the spires. The barracks were practically covered entirely and, instead of morning practice, the apprentices helped dig out the barracks so that they could go back and forth to the main building and at least eat their meals or access the library.

Otherwise, they were all under orders just to take a few days and rest. The kitchen was active, as was the library. Everyone didn’t mind a few days of just lying around since the weather was working against them.

Felix and Henry sat at a table eating a late dinner with one another—at least the Commander was going to eat since Felix had already eaten with the apprentices.

"The darkness setting so early makes me forget to eat sometimes," Henry admitted after taking a sip of ale. "Now I’ve inconvenienced the kitchen."

Felix chuckled at that and shook his head. "You’re being too humble. The Duke can’t inconvenience servants all too eager to serve him since he asks for so very little already."

The Commander let out an even sigh. He still wasn’t used to being the person to ask others to do things for him. Although he only divulged as much to Felix because he needed to keep a strong facade in front of the others so they didn’t question his authority.

There was noise towards the kitchen, and the two men sat up straighter.

It turned out it was Eira who had been manning the kitchen that evening, making final preparations for the following morning. She didn’t mind at all warming up stew for the Duke.

However, she was surprised when she went to deliver the bowl, and a certain someone was sitting there across from him.

Ever since the Winter Solstice Banquet, things had been quiet regarding what had happened between her and Felix. Disappointingly, it seemed that she hadn’t been special enough for him to keep pursuing her. He had warned her it might not go the way she wanted, but it had been a magical evening for her. It was a memory she looked upon fondly, but it seemed there would be no more to it than that one instance.

The maid gave the Commander his bowl, which he received with gratitude. Before she could turn to leave, she asked, "Would either of you like anything else? Leave the bowl at the table, and I’ll clean it before I leave."

She didn’t spare Felix even a glance beyond her initial notice of him. She would try not to pine after him since he wasn’t doing that to her.

Since neither one of them asked for more, she returned to the kitchen, finishing up chopping vegetables for the next day before she found herself stopping and lingering. She wanted to wait until she was sure they were gone before going to retrieve the bowl.

It did hurt that he hadn’t looked her way since then. She tried not to let it get to her, but...

As she occupied her hands with washing a few towels that they would use once they were dry, she didn’t hear the footsteps of someone entering the kitchen.

To her surprise, she saw a hand placing the bowl down on the wooden worktop where she could see it.

Quickly, she dried her hands on the towel hanging on her apron before turning around.

"You didn’t have to bring it all the way here—Oh."

She found herself eye level with Felix’s chest because she didn’t dare lift her eyes. His blonde hair was unmistakable.

"Just leave it then, Sir Felix," she mentioned as she turned away again. "I will handle it."

"Are you avoiding me?" he wondered. "You’re not even meeting my eyes—" However, he realized his place quickly. "Ah, forget it. I suppose I did this to myself."

He began to back away, but she caught him by the sleeve.

"Avoiding you?" she asked. "You have done this to yourself because I am simply doing what you asked, which was to hope for nothing more from you and live in that dream... but wake up eventually. I have woken up."

Surprisingly, he seemed conflicted. He had been so clear at one point that he had nothing to offer her, but his expressions were telling her otherwise, as if he was the one who was hurt.

"Would it be fair to you if I sought you out simply because I’m lonely?" he asked. "I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you when internally I have nothing to offer."

"Nothing to offer?" she asked in disbelief, but she contradicted her own words immediately. "What if I’m lonely as well, and that’s all I need from someone else? It’s plenty enough for me."

His touches were so affectionate and warm for someone who claimed to have nothing to offer her. Even the way he looked at her that night made it seem like he was only saying that he wouldn’t be able to give her his heart since it was too broken to pass on.

"Are you sure?" he wondered in disbelief while also trying to hide his eagerness. "If I sought you out each time I was lonely, you would certainly grow tired of me."

"Try," she dared him. "I’m old enough to handle myself, Sir Felix."

As he closed the space, backing her up until her backside was against the worktop and his hands were planted on the counter at either side of her, he saw her expression falter ever so slightly. She was nervous, but she still desired him.

He must not have been so bad, he realized as he pressed his lips against hers, and he felt her melt under his touch.

"Don’t call me Sir Felix anymore," he whispered. "Just say Felix... the way you did that night, all night."

And thus began the second time in his life when he would sneak around the Duke’s Tower with a maid as he tried to find corners where they could cozy up with one another.

+

Felix lightly cleared his throat as they entered Irene’s cold barrack, wanting to take the heat off of himself.

"We ought to find someone who can keep up with someone as rowdy as you," Felix insisted.

"You sound like my parents," Irene groaned as she stepped towards the stove and threw a bit of kindling at the older knight. "It won’t happen. There is no man who can keep up with me."

But it seemed they both were keeping secrets from one another.