Love Among The Ruins-Chapter 72

NADINE’S P.O.V

Rowan didn’t want to go for patrol after everything, but I assured him that it was the best course of action. I didn’t want to draw an y unnecessary attention to ourselves, at least not while we hadn’t decided what we were going to do.

Three days had passed since I told him I was pregnant and we hadn’t spoken about it since the first day. I knew Rowan’s silence was more for my sake than his, there was a lot he had to say, but I just wasn’t ready yet.

I’d gone to the nurses and tried to ask questions without giving away much. I wasn’t sure who knew what and the last thing I wanted was to feed the rumor mill. Unfortunately, I didn’t get anything from them. All they said was that if I wanted to know more, I should go to the nursery.

I avoided going there as long as possible, but this morning, I decided to bite the bullet.

The nursery was a medium sized room with colorful walls and a mat on the floor. There were two adult women and children of all shapes and sizes. The oldest looked to be around ten and the youngest was an infant sleeping in a cot.

"Hi there," one of the women said, making her way over to me. "Do you need something?"

I hesitated before shaking my head. "I just.. I just wanted to see."

Her brows furrowed in confusion. "See what? People aren’t really allowed here. You’re Mr. Tyler’s daughter, aren’t you?"

Before I had the chance to apologize, a hand wrapped around my shoulder and I was hit with the smell of cheap dye and fruits. "She’s with me. I sent her ahead."

I glanced over at the woman. I’d never seen her before but she smiled at me as if we were long lost friends. Her hair was blue.. not a light shade of blue, an electric blue. The dye job was patchy but it stood out and I liked it.

As soon as I saw the hair, I knew who she was. Rowan spoke about her once. He said she was annoying, but knowing him, that was the equivalent of a compliment. She walked into the nursery with her hand around my shoulder, ignoring the woman who was glaring daggers at us.

"I’m Amy, by the way," the blue haired girl whispered. "You’re Nadine."

"Did Rowan tell you my name?"

"Who?"

"Caine."

She snorted. "I’m lucky to get grunts out of him from time to time. He didn’t tell me anything."

"Then how did you know it?"

"Darling, everyone knows your name. Everyone knows your father, and not everyone is very fond of him."

She walked over to a little boy with dark hair and bright eyes. He was lying on his side, but as soon as he saw her, he reached out for her. I watched as she picked him up, cradling him close to her chest. Her eyes were soft, and filled with so much love that it floored me.

My father never looked at me that way, and I didn’t know my mother long enough to know if she did. I was an adult and yet, I was jealous of the little boy who was obviously so loved by his mother.

"I don’t mean to be rude, but shouldn’t you be at work?"

"He has a fever," she explained. "I should’ve been on patrol but they called me and I had to stay back. I’ll join them soon."

My brows furrowed in confusion. "Why? Don’t you get the day off for your son?"

She laughed humorlessly. "Life doesn’t work that way over here, Nadine. I’m already being punished for missing a few hours. I don’t want to make it worse by missing the whole day."

"Punished?"

She nodded. "We all have roles and if we don’t do our roles, we get punished."

"But your son needed you."

She just shrugged. She didn’t even look outraged, merely resigned. "I knew the cost of being a guard before I accepted."

"Then why did you?"

"Because it was the only way that we would both survive. If I have to be punished then so be it. This is his biggest chance for survival."

My heart ached for her. She looked so tired, there were huge bags under her eyes and her shoulder sagged with exhaustion. Still, she held her son close, whispering to him and running her fingers through his hair.

I tried to imagine myself in her shoes. A few years from now, doing the very same thing. What would my punishment be for having the child that they obviously didn’t want me to have? It wouldn’t be anything small, that was for sure.

"If you could do it over," I began slowly, dreading her response. "Would you still have him?"

She stilled, her lips pursing as she debated the question. She opened her mouth to speak a few times, but no words would come out. After a long silence, she sighed.

"I was a mess before I had him. I was into all sorts of shit and then he came into my life. He saved me. I got clean for him." She ran her fingers through her hair. "But no, I wouldn’t do it again."

"Why?"

"Because he deserves better than this half life. He deserves to play on swings and run around in a park. He deserves a childhood. He deserves better than to be a bird in a cage." She wiped furiously at the stray tear that trailed down her cheeks. "Why do you ask?"

"Nothing."

The lie slipped easily off my tongue. It was obvious she didn’t believe me, but I didn’t give her the chance to ask more questions. I stood to my feet, a small smile on my face as I took a step away from her.

"I have to go."

"Are you sure?" she asked, concern filling her features. "You don’t look good."

"I’m fine. Excuse me."

I rushed out before she had a chance to speak, my heart pounding rapidly in my chest as I forced air out of my lungs. It felt like the walls were closing in on me and I found it hard to breathe. I stumbled forward, not knowing where I was going, only knowing that I needed to get some air.

I walked down the hallway, not sure if I was going the right way. I just kept walking until I couldn’t hear any voices, then I stopped, sliding to the ground and letting my head rest between my thighs. For the first time in minutes, I breathed deeply.

I’d be Amy in a few years.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

I knew what I had to do, but it didn’t make it a very easy decision. I tried to convince myself that it was for the best, but it didn’t stop the tears that gathered at the back of my eyes. If anything, it made it worse.

"Nadine!"

My spine straightened when I heard the voice. I wiped at my cheeks and stood to my feet instantly, hoping to get away without having to speak but I underestimated how close he was because within seconds, I felt his hands on my shoulders.

"I didn’t think I’d find you here." General Trent’s face came into view.

I gave him a tight smile. "It’s alright, I was just leaving."

"Nonsense, I was looking for you."

Right, I forgot about his threats and his order. It was rather ironic that I’d fought him in the beginning and now, I was going to do exactly what he said. I could’ve told him, but I wanted to talk to Rowan first. He deserved to hear it first.

"Why were you looking for me?"

"I thought about our last conversation, and I spoke with your father. We’ve decided that it will be in your best interest to have the baby."

It took a second for his words to register, and when they did, I couldn’t stop the sound of pure indignation that left my lips.

"Excuse me?"

He waved me off, as if my words were nothing but an inconvenience. "We have decided that it will be for the best. We will assign a nurse to check on you and the baby and to ensure that you are both-"

"What if that’s not what I want?"

"What you want doesn’t matter, Nadine. You are having this child. Do you understand me?"

"This doesn’t even make sense. One minute you don’t want me to have it and the next-" 𝒇𝓻𝓮𝓮𝙬𝙚𝒃𝒏𝓸𝙫𝒆𝙡.𝓬𝓸𝒎

"The decision is final," he cut me off. "We will not discuss it further."