Rejected Beauty Practices the Villain Play-Chapter 950 - 925: Memory
Xie Jue did not want to answer Fang Chuning’s question.
Yes, Fang Chuning was right, he had always been someone who demanded perfection from himself since childhood.
Before Fang Chuning lost his memory, he understood Xie Jue’s temperament, yet he never bluntly pointed it out, always quietly accompanying him, comforting him. Ever since they reunited, Fang Chuning said that not being by his side during the downfall of the Marquis Mansion was his lifelong regret. During that time, Xie Xun also couldn’t comfort Xie Jue; instead, Xie Jue reconciled with himself day after day. Whenever Fang Chuning thought of it, his heart ached endlessly.
Fang Chuning also did not want to speak grand philosophies to Xie Jue; Xie Jue was famous for his perceptive mind, skillful in strategy and determination. In terms of power strategy, few could match him, yet because of this, great wisdom often brings harm. If he made a mistake, he would constantly torment himself, struggling to let go. He himself understood that none of this was truly his fault.
And how could he not understand, that one should not bear the mistakes of others? It’s simple to say, but hard to do. A person’s character is shaped over twenty years of growth. Fang Chuning knows this, as does Xie Xun; hence, both went along with Xie Jue, never letting him feel regret in anything, so he wouldn’t torture himself. Xie Xun was even willing to accept Fang Chuning for his sake.
Fang Chuning said, "As children from noble families, we were bound by rules, and had little freedom. Every move was under watchful eyes, permitting no mistakes. Yet you had the courage to commit the most unforgivable sin with me in this world, so why be troubled by other matters? The affair at Sannan is not your fault, that fire wasn’t your fault. If my death created a demon in your heart, take a good look at me, I am still standing here before you, healthy, able to live a long life. I didn’t die in that fire, and you shouldn’t keep seeing that fire in your dreams, alright?"
Looking into Fang Chuning’s gentle and profound gaze, he gently shook his head, "Anning, give me some time, I will slowly come to terms."
"What can I do?"
"You don’t need to say anything, nor do anything. Just being by my side is the best medicine." Previously, Xie Jue found such words too cheesy to say, but now he could openly tell Fang Chuning that he needed him, that he was not the all-powerful Prince Yan nor the strategic Xie Jue; he constantly needed Fang Chuning.
"Alright, I will always be by your side."
Fang Chuning had not regained his memory, not even a single recollection; yet, the promise he made to Xie Jue, he was determined to fulfill. Just like in Sannan, he was willing to die to keep Xie Jue alive.
He must live up to the Fang Chuning before he lost his memory, for this was the man he was willing to protect with his life.
Zhou Buyan said that during their plight in Sannan, he shielded Xie Jue against the High Priest and the pursuers, buying Xie Jue time to breathe, allowing him to live. If he had not been willing to die, both he and Xie Jue would have perished in that turmoil. Then Beining and Sannan would have surely waged war, and with Xie Xun’s temperament, everyone in the cabinet would have died in the grand hall. He would have personally led troops to vengeance, bringing down the enemy. After the downfall of the Marquis Mansion, the brothers could have rebelled; if Xie Jue died, Xie Xun would certainly drag Sannan into the grave. None of this would have been within his consideration, as the Ningzhou Iron Cavalry only had one master, commanding the world, invincible. Therefore, Fang Chuning clearly knew that Xie Jue could not die in Sannan, whether for the people or for Xie Jue, he had to ensure Xie Jue left safely, as Xie Jue clearly understood, hence he left Fang Chuning behind and left cold-heartedly.
Because of this nightmare, Xie Jue found himself sleepless in the latter half of the night, and Fang Chuning was not sleepy at all, drinking and listening to Xie Jue recount their childhood days.
Xie Jue had originally insisted on not discussing the past, wanting Fang Chuning to remember on his own. But now he switched paths, talking about the past with Fang Chuning, retracing the steps they had taken together, searching for the emotional turning point. When did their feelings change from brothers to kindred spirits, then from kindred spirits to lovers? He was unaware himself, yet the emotions had grown into a towering tree.
When speaking of the past, his mood was light.
Fang Chuning said, "It’s really strange; why don’t I remember anything? Even if I’ve lost my memory, we’ve spent so much time together, surely I’d recall some fragments, yet I remember nothing except that snowy mountain, it’s so odd."
"Indeed, it is somewhat strange!" Xie Jue nodded, holding a stick to kindle the fire, preventing it from going out. Xie Jue said, "I asked the doctor, even if a person has lost their memory, going to places they once knew, with people they once knew, there should be some fragmentary recollections, even if just brief snippets. You’ve been alone with me for so long, and stayed in Zhongzhou for a few days, yet no recollection at all; it truly is strange. Really not a single thing comes to mind?"
Fang Chuning nodded, feeling no need to deceive Xie Jue. If he had even a sliver of memory, he wouldn’t be this adamant. He too wished to fulfill Xie Jue’s wish, to remember something soon.
"Have you considered, what if I never remember my entire life?" Fang Chuning asked with deep concern. He had always been somewhat obsessed with regaining his memory; before Xie Jue came to Yangzhou, he intended to have a doctor examine his head after getting healthy to identify the problem, as a blank memory was intolerable.
Others described things and he believed them, uncertain if they were real, and that was terrifying.
"Fear not; you may lose your memory, but you are still Fang Chuning."
"Then why are you so determined to take me to Ningzhou, to Beiman, to seek my memory?" Fang Chuning asked with confusion.
"It’s your determination, tossing and turning. I don’t want you to constantly suffer this torment; deep down, I hope you can recover your memory. Yet if you truly can’t recall anything, then so be it, I can accept it. I’m just afraid you won’t be able to accept it." Xie Jue asked, "Can you accept it?"
"No!" Fang Chuning shook his head, "If I cannot regain my memory for life, I will live in torment. I must know who I was, who my parents are, where my home is, who my beloved is. I don’t want others to tell me. I want true memories."
"I understand." Xie Jue knew him well enough to accompany him in search of memories, "I’ve sent people to Sannan to find an antidote; their royal family has a secret medicine capable of curing all poisons. The Beiman Priest also has it, but the Beiman Priest is too crafty, seeking profit in exchange, which Zhixu refused to agree to. I first approached Sannan, and once you take the antidote, perhaps your memory will return."
"I’m truly worried, that I will never regain my memory, and remain a... blank person."
