Secretary Gwanggong's Survival Diary-Chapter 78

“Why has it gotten so quiet?”

Snow on a day like this. It’s strange how such large snowflakes can start falling all of a sudden. But weather doesn’t matter now. The words that just came out of Yoon Taeo’s mouth were enough to make even the surrounding scenery seem meaningless.

“...Why do you think that?”

I thought it was all over. Just like the traces left on my body faded with the passage of time, I thought it would be a night no one would remember. Just a memory that remained in my mind.

That one question was the best I could come up with right now. Facing Yoon Taeo’s face, completely devoid of any playful expression, I had no idea how to get out of this situation.

“I don’t know.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t know. I just feel that way.”

His answer, so absurd, almost snapped me back into full awareness. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or not that he said it without any certainty.

“...What if, Representative?”

It’s strange. Why is it that every time he speaks like this, I feel the need to consider the “what if,” “maybe,” or “possibly”? Am I trying to escape this situation, or am I trying to probe his true feelings?

“What if I’m right?”

I keep forgetting that I’m in no position to expect anything, and I want to keep forgetting that more and more.

“If that were the case...”

Yoon Taeo’s hand touched my cheek. I wasn’t sure if he was feeling cold or not, but the fingertips on my cheek were cold as they made contact. His lips, holding onto my ear and neck, seemed to open more slowly than usual. I got the strange feeling that he was thinking something, but before he could speak, he let out a long sigh. His exhale, white and long, followed his words like an unspoken confession of discomfort.

“What should I do?”

And then came the words, as irrational as Yoon Taeo himself.

“Should I say thank you, or should I be angry?”

He was answering a question with another question. How am I supposed to respond when he does this?

“...You didn’t do anything to Choi Hyunjin, right?”

“That’s true.”

“What’s the difference ~Nоvеl𝕚ght~ between me and Choi Hyunjin?”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized I shouldn’t have said it. It wasn’t right to compare myself to him, and I realized I had crossed a line. I could feel the slight pressure in his hand, which was still gently holding my face, and that’s when I realized the mistake I had made. Jealousy, frustration, maybe even a hint of sadness—emotions I shouldn’t be holding, not on the outside, not even inside me.

“There’s a big difference. How could Baek Sieon be the same as him?”

Yoon Taeo is a strange man. Just with one sentence, he makes me expect something. With one light gesture, he makes me want to reveal my secrets. When he acts like this, I feel like whatever I say will be forgiven.

“The truth is, it doesn’t matter who came that day.”

And then he...

“Just as long as it wasn’t Baek Sieon.”

That single sentence instantly shattered the rising hope. Just like that.

“Yeah, I thought so.”

He’s always going on about Secretary Kim. No matter what happens, it’s always about Kim, always about how Kim will handle it. But why is it that, at times like this, it’s different? Why is it that I can’t be the same as him? The hope that had been growing in me, just like the snowflakes on his face, quickly vanished without a trace.

“Enough. Go inside.”

I never did this hoping for recognition. Yet, for some reason, I couldn’t shake the feeling of disappointment. I turned my head and pulled his hand off my face. But I wondered if that wasn’t what he wanted either, as he grabbed my shoulder before I could take even a single step.

“Answer me.”

What a terrible guy. Sometimes silence is the answer, so why must he insist on hearing the words? Why does he keep asking me the same thing I’ve already answered several times?

No, there’s meaning to it. Every time he repeats a lie, it feels more and more like the truth. And each time this happens, my resolve to keep the day’s events to myself grows weaker.

“...No, I...”

I lied with a voice that seemed convincing. At that moment, his hand released my shoulder.

The snow was falling heavier now. Though it was gentle, the endless barrage of white snowflakes was enough to make it difficult to see clearly.

Even as I took a few more steps, I didn’t hear any words from behind me.

“Right, I have to say it. If Baek Sieon had come that day...”

It seemed like Yoon Taeo was still standing in that spot. Hearing his voice from a few steps behind me, I stopped. The conditional “if” again, I almost scoffed at the absurdity. Why keep dredging up things that were already over?

But I couldn’t just ignore his words. I turned back toward him. Though the distance wasn’t far, the snow swirling in the air made it difficult to see his expression clearly as he spoke.

Yoon Taeo continued walking toward me as he spoke.

“Sorry. I made you scared.”

Three steps, two steps, one step.

“So, I wish it wasn’t Baek Sieon who came that day.”

Now, I could clearly see his face. Maybe it was because my heart was heavy and sad, but I had the illusion that his eyes were reflecting the same feelings. But as his words came, I blinked several times, and by the time I could understand what he meant, his expression had changed in an instant. It looked no different from the usual cold face I had come to expect.

“So, answer me again.”

At the same time, Yoon Taeo’s hand grasped my cheek and jaw. But... was it because his hands were so cold?

“D-Damn!”

The pressure of his fingers on my cheek left me stammering.

“You’d better answer properly this time, Baek Sieon.”

What a frustrating amount of force. It was raw and unlike the atmosphere from before. It was so much that I could barely remember what I was thinking just moments ago.

“Answer me. No matter how I think about it, I feel like it was Baek Sieon who came.”

Is he crazy? What’s the difference between this and telling me to say what he wants to hear? If I contradict him now, it feels like my jaw will crack from the pressure. Even the slightest hesitation made his grip tighten even more.

“Right?”

I tried with all my might to shake my head, but his grip held me in place, unable to move. No matter how hard I tried, my jaw couldn’t budge.

It was at that moment when I realized what he was doing. Without my consent, my head slightly nodded. Someone’s hand was forcing my head to move.

“I knew it.”

I knew he’d already figured it out, but still, he was insane. After releasing my jaw, Yoon Taeo finally smiled. It was the first smile I’d seen from him tonight. It should have been dazzling, like a smile blending with the white snow falling around us, but I only felt anxiety.