Taming the Beast World with a Frying Pan-Chapter 99: Hot Noodles

"Grass!" Ren shouted, throwing her arms out wide. "Glorious, itchy, green grass!"

She collapsed backward onto the meadow floor, limbs splayed out, and began frantically waving her arms and legs.

"Look at me!" she cheered, staring up at the blinding blue sky. "I’m making a grass angel!"

She took a deep breath of the air. It smelled like pine needles and freedom. It didn’t smell like rotting eggs or fish breath. It was paradise.

A few feet away, Kael sat on a large rock. The massive Tiger King was covered in dried swamp muck. He was scrubbing at his muscular arms with rough, frantic motions, his claws scraping against his own skin to dislodge the caked-on dirt.

Ren sat up, wiping grass blades from her hair. She looked around for the rest of her party.

Syris and Viper were huddled under the thick canopy of a large oak tree, pressing their backs against the dark bark as if the sun were shooting laser beams at them. Viper’s long, thick snake tail was coiled tightly beneath him, keeping every inch of his scales in the shadows. Syris was fanning himself with his hand, looking like a wilting Victorian maiden.

"Hey!" Ren called out, shielding her eyes. "Why are you guys hiding? The sun is amazing! Vitamin D! Serotonin! Come bask with us!"

Syris scowled at her from the shadows. "It is too hot. I am dying."

Ren furrowed her brows. "But... you’re snakes. Aren’t you cold-blooded? I thought you guys loved the heat. You know, sunbathing on rocks? Charging your batteries?"

Syris looked at her with pained amethyst eyes. "If I sit in the cold, I freeze. If I sit in this blazing inferno, I do not get ’warm.’ I burn. I become a burned snake. Do you want a burned King for a mate?"

Ren blinked. "Oh. Right. Ectotherms. I forgot about the whole ’internal thermostat is broken’ thing."

She looked at Syris, who was usually clinging to her like a limpet for warmth. Now, he looked like he was about to melt into a puddle of black snakeskin.

"Well, we can’t stay here all day," Ren said, standing up and brushing the dirt off her skirt. "We need to find the Fox."

She looked at the group. Viper was staring at a butterfly. Syris was staring at the shade. Kael was staring at his toes.

Nobody moved.

"Okay," Ren sighed. "I guess I’m the leader now."

She turned in a slow circle. To her left was a wall of thorny bushes. To her right was a dense thicket. Straight ahead looked... walkable.

"That way!" Ren declared with absolutely zero confidence.

She walked over to a large fern and snapped off two massive, fan-like leaves. She walked over to the shade and handed one to Syris and one to Viper.

"Here," Ren said. "Portable shade. Don’t say I never gave you anything."

Syris took the leaf, holding it over his head with a look of supreme dignity, as if it were a royal parasol and not a plant.

"Acceptable," he muttered.

Ren walked back to Kael and rested her hand on his forearm. The contact made his head snap toward her, his red eyes locking onto hers.

"We’re moving, Kael," she said gently.

He stood up, towering over her, his presence heavy and imposing. He didn’t say anything, but he fell into step beside her.

They set off into the forest.

Ren led the way, marching with purpose. Behind her, Kael walked silently, his heavy footsteps thumping on the earth. Behind him, Syris walked with his leaf, and Viper slithered over the roots and rocks, his long tail leaving a winding track in the soil as he held his own giant leaf over his head.

The forest was dense and humid. The deeper they went, the hotter it got. Ren’s confidence began to wane as the "path" she had chosen became less of a path and more of an obstacle course.

Thirty minutes later, the trees suddenly broke.

"See!" Ren announced triumphantly. "I knew I was going some—"

She stopped.

They were standing on the edge of a cliff.

Below them, a sheer drop of about two hundred feet led to a rocky ravine.

Ren looked down the precipice with a frown.

GRRRRRRRRROOOOWLLL.

The sound was loud enough to vibrate the ground.

Ren jumped. She looked at Kael.

The Tiger King’s hand was pressed against his abs, his expression grim.

Ren sighed, wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead. Her own stomach gave a painful squeeze in sympathy. Her throat felt like she had swallowed a handful of sand.

"Me too," she whispered.

She sat down on a flat stone, defeated. The heat was relentless. The sun beat down on her neck, making her head spin.

"I take it back," Ren groaned, fanning herself with her hand. "I miss the swamp. I miss the cold. I miss the gloom. At least I wasn’t dehydrated and roasting like a rotisserie chicken."

She looked up at the Leaf Brothers.

"Hey," she rasped. "You guys are snakes. Can’t you sniff out water? Or sense moisture?"

Syris lowered his leaf, his tongue flickering out to taste the air. Viper did the same.

They stood there for a moment, looking like they were tasting a fine wine.

"Water," Viper announced, pointing to the east. "Moving water. Close."

Ren jumped up. "Lead the way!"

They scrambled through the brush, following Viper’s trail. Five minutes later, the sound of rushing water filled the air. They broke through the tree line and found a wide, sparkling river flowing over smooth stones. It was clear, cool, and teeming with life.

"Water!" Ren cried. "And fish! Look at the fish!"

She pointed excitedly at the dark shapes darting in the current.

"Lunch!" Ren cheered. "Okay, here’s the plan. I’ll make a spear, and we can—"

Ren stopped.

She watched in horror as Syris and Viper, moving with the speed of desperate men, discarded their snakeskin robes in record time.

"Finally!" Syris groaned.

"Cool!" Viper grunted.

Before Ren could even process the sudden surplus of nudity, the two snake men launched themselves toward the bank. Syris executed a perfect dive. Viper coiled his powerful tail and sprang like a spring, splashing into the depths.

SPLASH! KA-SPLOOSH!

The impact sent geysers of water into the air. The shockwaves rippled through the pool.

Every single fish in the vicinity panicked and bolted, disappearing downstream faster than Ren’s hopes of an easy meal. 𝕗𝕣𝐞𝐞𝘄𝐞𝚋𝚗𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹.𝚌𝕠𝚖

Ren stood on the bank, her mouth open.

"My fish!" she wailed. "You scared the lunch!"

Syris surfaced, slicking his wet black hair back. He sighed with pure ecstasy, floating on his back. "Oh, it is divine."

Ren’s eyes widened as Syris started to drift, the water clear enough to show... everything.

"Nope! Nope! Eyes on the prize, Ren!"

She spun around quickly. She grabbed Kael’s arm, steering him away from the display of reptilian nudity.

"Let’s go, Kael," she muttered. "Let’s find some firewood."

She shouted over her shoulder without turning around.

"You two! Since you scared away the buffet, you are now responsible for restocking it! Catch fish! Do not come out until you have dinner!"