Dark.

Darkness was the first thing Li Xinyuan noticed as he rose to wakefulness, his face a pallid canvas in the dark of the tent. His eyelids fluttered a few times, eyes struggling to adjust to the absence of light .

He moved, a groan leaving his lips as a throbbing ache pounded inside his skull, right against his forehead in full force. It hurt so much.

The surgeon’s hand flew to his head, a hiss breaking through his clenched teeth. He struggled to sit upright, free hand clenched on the rickety sheet of the bed he was laid upon. Huh, where was this?

His body screamed, senses fighting a losing battle to escape his flesh vessel. The back of his right eye throbbed, pulsing hot in their sockets, the heat was burning itself into the area around his eyes. Unpleasant, extremely unpleasant.

As the headache increased, the veins on his forehead bulged, blood rushing through them in a frenzy. The pain this time was particularly vicious, perhaps vengeful that he hadn’t been awake to suffer the worst of it before. It stole his breath away. Li Xinyuan’s lips quivered, nausea filled his belly. And he could do nothing but dig his fingers into his skull.

It spread through one side of his head, like a forsaken plague, the throbbing ache pounding in his left temple and radiated to his jaw. The surgeon clenched his teeth tightly, the dull pain seeping to his jaw. For a moment, his addled brain had half a mind to dig into his eye and search for the cause of pain.

Li Xinyuan clenched his hands, curling his fingers till they dug into the skin of his palm. Through the intense flashes of agony, he bent forward, making himself small as he tried in vain to soothe the pain. He gasped, bile rising to his throat before swallowing dryly to push it back down.

Having to deal with a bitch-fit of a migraine alone was low enough, he did not want to vomit to top it all off.

Li Xinyuan did not know how much time had passed with him staying in the fetal, hands on his head, endeavouring to massage the headache away. But his ears were ringing, shrill and persistent, more than enough to disorient him further than he already was.

So much so, he failed to hear the relatively quiet footsteps of someone entering the tent and approaching him until they were looming over the bed, gazing down at him in the dark.

Thus, when the surgeon felt hands touch him, naturally, his first instinct was to snap and throw his elbow at them.

In the high times of war, he could not afford to trust even his own shadow, so how could he trust someone who’d approached him this silently?

The perpetrator, though, did not make a sound beyond a heavy inhale. They merely blocked his elbow and wrapped their — his — hand around Li Xinyuan’s arm and gently guided him to lie back down again before running a soothing hand up and down his arm.

Oh, Li Xinyuan thought, head buzzing, it’s you.

He recognised the gentleness, the pleasant scent of Liu Mingyun — however dampened it may be, tainted by the copper in the air.

Opening his mouth, the surgeon tried to speak, but no sound came. Belatedly, he realised, he was parched, throat drier than desert. With some effort, he made a choked up noise at the back of his throat, wincing internally.

Liu Mingyun remained silent, afraid that even the slightest noise would add to his betrothed’s pain. He bent forward, hand reaching to rest gingerly on Li Xinyuan’s head. Taking a deep breath, he began pressing his fingers against the surgeon’s temples and forehead, sending thin tendrils of healing Qi as he did so.

The Crown Prince continued massaging Li Xinyuan’s head, his lips pressed into a tight line as he frowned, until the latter’s stuttering, laboured breaths smoothed out into something less winding, and he stopped whimpering in pain.

"Is it any relief?" In a voice pitched low and soothing as he could, asked Liu Mingyun, his crimson eyes full of concern, gleaming. "Or does it still hurt as much as before?"

Li Xinyuan breathed deeply, now that the pain had let up. Lying tense on the bed, he opened his mouth, paused, and closed it before nodding wordlessly.

He felt so much better now. Even though the nausea was still hiding away, brewing in the pit of his stomach, waiting for a chance to rear its head again. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes, a tear slipping down his temple following the dried trail of those before it. He blinked, exhaling through his mouth whilst trying to work down the lump in his throat.

Liu Mingyun moved quickly, fetching the warm tea and sweets he’d brought with himself. With little regard for himself, the Crown Prince went on his knees at Li Xinyuan’s bedside and carefully pressed the teacup to his lips after blowing on it.

"Drink slowly," said he, voice trite, "it is warm."

Li Xinyuan looked down at him and then at the teacup pressed to his lips, eyes opened a whisper and tears drying on his eyelashes. He took a sip, then another and another; desperate to quench the thirst he felt and do away the desert homed in his throat. "... Thank you, Your Highness—" he turned away swiftly, blocking his mouth with his sleeves as he coughed, shoulders shaking with the force of it.

Liu Mingyun put down the tea and stood, pressing his hand on Li Xinyuan’s shoulder and rubbed it slowly. "Shh... You need not say a word, Xin’er. Rest easy." He leaned down, cupping his face to the doctor’s face towards himself and leaned down still to press his lips on Li Xinyuan’s sweat-slicked forehead. "Rest easy."

That was all it took for Li Xinyuan’s already precarious composure to break.

A cold shiver ran down his body, sweat sticking his clothes to his skin as he hiccuped, hot tears flooding down pallid cheeks. Disregarding any propriety, he threw his arms around the Crown Prince’s shoulders and pressed himself close, letting a choked sob fall off his lips. 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒆𝙬𝒆𝒃𝓷𝒐𝓿𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝓸𝒎

"It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts so much..."

Liu Mingyun engulfed the doctor into a hug, embracing him tightly, cheek pressed to the crown of his head as he listened to Li Xinyuan’s words, blurred with cries and hiccups. "I am certain, it does." Biting his lips, the Crown Prince took a seat beside him and pulled him closer. "I am sure it does."

"Why— why won’t this war end? Hic! It is so... Senseless... Pointless... Hic! And destructive..."

As he rubbed his hand on the surgeon’s waist, he pressed kisses on his hair, swallowing thickly. "I am sorry." Li Xinyuan’s arms tightened around his neck. "I am so sorry I cannot end this war fast enough, my love. Forgive me."

Heaven. Oh, dear heaven, faced with his Xin’er’s agonized tears, he could not help but feel like the smallest, filthiest, and weakest of creatures in this world.

What use was his strength, if it could not protect his beloved from pain and tears.

Liu Mingyun closed his eyes, arms tightening around his betrothed waist, letting Li Xinyuan cry his heart out. His heart was so, so incredibly painful at this moment. He feared it would burst out of his chest and splinter to thorns and blood everywhere, showing the crying youth just how painfully weak it had become for him.

For him and him alone.