The Alpha Who Regrets Losing Me
Chapter 40 – What You Think You See
Sleep refused to come easily that night, and even when it finally did, it felt shallow, fragmented, as if my mind had never fully agreed to rest in the first place.
By the time I opened my eyes again, the forest was already awake, light filtering softly through the branches, carrying with it the quiet certainty of a new day. And yet, nothing inside me felt renewed.
If anything, the thoughts I had tried to ignore the night before had only grown sharper.
I sat at the edge of the clearing, my back resting lightly against the trunk of a tree, my gaze fixed somewhere ahead without truly seeing what was there.
The memory of Rowan lingered far more than it should have, replaying itself in small, persistent fragments that refused to settle into something harmless.
It wasn’t just what he had said.
It was how he had looked at me.
There had been something steady in his gaze, something grounded and deliberate, but not entirely... personal. And the more I thought about it, the more that detail began to unravel into something uncomfortable.
Because what if it wasn’t me he was seeing at all?
Lucien’s words returned to me without invitation.
The last time something like this happened...
The woman.
The one who had disappeared.
The one who had been tied to a story that none of them spoke about directly, yet all of them seemed to carry.
A thought formed slowly, carefully, as if it knew it would not be welcome.
What if Rowan wasn’t reacting to me as I was?
What if he was reacting to something he had already lost?
I let out a slow breath, closing my eyes briefly as if that alone could quiet the direction my thoughts had taken. It didn’t. If anything, the idea rooted itself deeper, reshaping everything I had begun to notice about him.
His restraint.
His patience.
The way he chose his words, not casually, but with intention, as if he were constantly aware of something fragile standing between us.
Not me.
A memory.
A ghost.
"You’ve been quiet."
Rowan’s voice broke through my thoughts, grounding me back into the present before I could drift too far into conclusions I didn’t yet fully understand.
I opened my eyes, though I didn’t turn to face him immediately.
"Thinking," I replied.
"That much is obvious."
There was a faint edge of something in his tone, not irritation, but awareness. He had noticed the distance, just as I had.
I turned my head slightly then, meeting his gaze.
"And what do you think I’m thinking about?"
Rowan didn’t answer right away. Instead, he stepped closer, stopping just far enough that the space between us remained intentional.
"I think you’re trying to understand something you don’t have all the information for," he said.
"That’s generous."
"It’s accurate."
I studied him for a moment, searching for something I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to find.
"Or maybe," I said slowly, "I’m realizing that I misunderstood something from the beginning."
Rowan’s expression shifted almost imperceptibly.
"What do you think you misunderstood?"
I hesitated, but only briefly.
"This," I said, gesturing faintly between us. "Whatever this is."
His gaze sharpened slightly.
"And what do you think it is?"
I held his eyes.
"I think it might not actually be about me."
The silence that followed wasn’t empty. It settled between us with weight, carrying the implication of what I hadn’t said yet but both of us understood.
Rowan didn’t look away.
"Then who do you think it’s about?"
I exhaled slowly.
"The woman. The ex-love."
The word lingered, quiet but undeniable.
For a moment, something shifted in Rowan’s expression. Not defensively, not aggressively, but deeply, as if the name itself carried a history he hadn’t expected to face so directly.
"You think I’m seeing someone else when I look at you," he said.
It wasn’t a question.
I didn’t soften it.
"I think you might be."
He stepped closer then, not abruptly, but with a quiet certainty that made the space between us feel smaller without becoming suffocating.
"You’re wrong," he said.
The answer was immediate, but not careless.
"Am I?" I asked, holding his gaze.
"Yes."
"That’s not much of an explanation."
Rowan’s jaw tightened slightly, not in anger, but in restraint.
"What do you want me to say, Elara?"
"The truth."
For a brief moment, something in his expression shifted, something more unguarded than I had seen before, though it disappeared almost as quickly as it had surfaced.
"The truth is," he said, his voice quieter now, "that I know exactly who you are when I look at you."
There was no hesitation in the words.
No uncertainty.
And yet, they didn’t land the way they should have.
Because a part of me still wondered—
What if he had believed that before?
Before I could respond, something in the air shifted.
It wasn’t subtle.
My wolf reacted instantly, her awareness snapping outward with a clarity that erased everything else.
Danger.
Rowan felt it at the same time.
His entire posture changed in a heartbeat, his attention moving away from me as his instincts took over without hesitation.
"Stay behind me," he said, his voice low but firm.
"I’m not—"
"Elara."
There was no room for argument in the way he said my name.
I didn’t argue.
Because whatever had just entered our space didn’t feel like something either of us could afford to misjudge.
The forest stilled.
And then— 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝙚𝙬𝓮𝙗𝒏𝙤𝒗𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝒐𝓶
Kael stepped into the clearing.
He didn’t rush, didn’t attempt to hide his presence. He moved with the kind of confidence that came from knowing exactly what he wanted and believing he had every right to take it.
His gaze found me immediately.
Not Rowan.
Not the surroundings.
Me.
"You really thought distance would solve this," he said, his tone calm in a way that felt almost unsettling.
Rowan shifted slightly, positioning himself between us, though not entirely blocking my view.
"This isn’t your territory."
Kael’s attention flicked toward him briefly, dismissive.
"It becomes mine when it involves what belongs to me."
A cold tension settled into my chest.
"I don’t belong to you," I said, my voice steady.
Kael’s lips curved faintly, not quite a smile.
"You keep saying that," he replied, stepping closer, "but that doesn’t change what you are."
Rowan’s stance tightened.
"You need to leave."
Kael ignored him completely.
Instead, he closed the distance between us, and before I could react, his hand caught my wrist. The grip wasn’t violent, but it was firm enough to make my entire body tense instinctively.
Rowan moved immediately.
"Let go."
Kael didn’t.
Instead, his gaze remained fixed on me, his voice lowering slightly as he leaned closer than he had any right to.
"I didn’t understand it at first," he said quietly. "Not when you were still inside the pack. I thought the bond would settle, that things would align the way they were supposed to."
My pulse quickened.
"But you left," he continued, his grip tightening just slightly. "And that’s when everything became clear."
"Clear what?" I asked, forcing my voice to remain controlled.
"That you’re not just part of a bond."
There was something different in his tone now.
Something heavier.
"You’re something that shouldn’t have appeared twice."
The words sent a sharp chill through me.
"And I’m not making the same mistake my brother did."
Rowan stepped forward again, this time with far less restraint.
"Kael."
There was no warning left in his voice.
Only intent.
But Kael didn’t look at him.
Instead, he leaned even closer, his presence crossing a line that made my wolf recoil instinctively.
"I should have claimed you before you had the chance to think this was a choice," he said softly.
"You don’t get to decide that," I replied.
Kael studied me for a moment, his expression shifting in a way that was far more unsettling than anger.
"You still think this is about choice," he said.
"And what do you think it’s about?" I asked.
His gaze held mine.
"Continuation."
The word settled heavily between us.
"You’ll understand," he continued, "when you stop fighting what you are."
"I already understand enough to say no."
For the first time, something sharper flickered in his expression.
"I’m done waiting," he said.
And then everything moved at once.
The shift was too fast to counter properly. His grip pulled me off balance just enough that my footing faltered, and in that split second, everything changed. Rowan lunged, his movement precise and immediate, but Kael had anticipated it.
The clash between them was brief but explosive, controlled violence contained within a moment that wasn’t meant to last.
Because this wasn’t a fight.
It was a distraction.
By the time I realized that—
It was already too late.
When my awareness settled again, the forest felt different.
The air carried a different weight, the ground beneath my feet uneven in a way I didn’t recognize, and the silence here felt... closed.
Kael stood a few steps away, composed as if nothing had just happened.
"You shouldn’t have resisted," he said.
"You kidnapped me," I replied, my voice steadier than I felt.
"I corrected a mistake."
"That’s not how that works."
He regarded me calmly.
"You’ll see it differently soon enough."
"I won’t."
For a moment, something in his expression shifted, not into anger, but into something that resembled regret.
"I didn’t act soon enough before," he said. "That won’t happen again."
"And what exactly do you think you’re doing now?"
His gaze didn’t waver.
"Ensuring the future doesn’t repeat the past."
A chill moved through me.
"And what does that future look like to you?"
He didn’t hesitate.
"You stay," he said. "You learn what you are. And when the time comes—"
He paused, just slightly.
"You continue what was lost."
The implication settled in slowly, but heavily.
"You’re talking about bloodlines," I said.
"I’m talking about survival."
"No," I replied, my voice colder now. "You’re talking about control."
Kael didn’t deny it.
Back in the forest, Rowan knew the moment it happened.
There was no gradual realization, no delay in understanding.
One second, she had been there.
The next— She wasn’t.
The absence hit harder than any presence ever could.
"Elara."
He turned sharply, his senses extending outward with precision, searching for anything that could be followed, anything that could be traced.
There was nothing immediate.
And that was worse.
Because it meant this had been planned.
Something old stirred inside him, something he had buried long ago, something he had convinced himself would never repeat.
Not again.
He moved without hesitation.
But before he could take more than a step, Lucien caught his arm.
"Don’t."
Rowan’s gaze snapped toward him.
"Let go."
Lucien didn’t.
"This isn’t just about you."
"It is."
"No," Lucien said firmly. "It isn’t."
The tension between them sharpened instantly.
"You think this is the same as before," Lucien continued, his voice lower now, more controlled. "And that’s exactly why you’re about to make the same mistake."
Rowan’s expression darkened.
"Then explain it."
Lucien held his gaze.
"This is about bloodline," he said. "Not just bonds, not just territory. If you step into this the wrong way, you won’t be saving her."
The words landed heavily.
"You’ll be the reason she disappears."
The forest fell silent again.
But this time—
Nothing about it felt still.