Chapter 114: The Enclave Attack II

"And everyone who could fight, fought. The ones who couldn’t, hid. Some died on their doorstep and in doorway and beneath roofs they thought would shelter them. Funny how everything started with just a herb. One herb." He said as he shook his head.

The same herb was abundant in Nirvana. You could find one by just strolling through the grounds of Nirvana.

He looked at Sophia then, finally looking at her like he might try to weigh the truth in her face.

"Everyone suffered something that day," he said quietly, "It wasn’t just the few I mentioned."

Orion’s throat worked as he tried to hold himself together.

"And it was all my fault." He said it like one might whisper a sin. He did not shout. He did not demand absolution. He simply let the truth lie like an accusation on the branch between them. "If I hadn’t been that stubborn child... if I hadn’t dragged friends into places forbidden, if I’d only waited, if I’d only let the adults handle it, none of it would have happened the way it did. We might have survived and lived to see another day. Those who died wouldn’t be dead or at least they wouldn’t die that way. Brynhild wouldn’t be blind. Ronan would still have his fucking family. We wouldn’t be living in the cold that took even more lives after we relocated."

He swallowed then, a ragged sound in his chest.

"So when you see me, Sophia, when you look at me, can you still tell me that I have a right to walk those festival grounds and celebrate when everything happened because of me?" He asked her with blurry eyes.

Sophia paused as she sniffled, wiping away at her tears with her sleeve. She had just thought he was sad, she never thought that he was so deep rooted in guilt that he failed to see the beauty of what the day was. He blamed himself and punished himself feeling he did not belong in the festivities when he did.

Sophia took in a deep breath. She did not answer him right away. Instead she wiped her face with the back of her hand, fingers finding the rough wool of her sleeve as if to anchor herself. When she finally spoke it was small, quiet, almost a question to herself as much as to him.

"Who suggested... turning a day like this into a festival?" she asked him.

Orion’s shoulders hunched. He blinked slow, as though coming up from the place those memories had dragged him. His fingers found a seam in the wineskin and rubbed the leather. He let out a breath.

"It was me," he said simply. The admission was almost shy, though it carried the weight of leadership. "After the attack. After we buried what we could...I... I wanted to stop the way the whole pack went hollow every year. I couldn’t stand to see them fold inward with grief, year after year. People would come to the square and only cry. Mothers would kneel and weep and the children wouldn’t know if we were even allowed to laugh. It felt like the dead had taken the living with them."

He swallowed, and the sound was a small thing. "So in a fit of rage, I suggested we change it."

Orion gave a small smile. He had been crying so much that day even Ronan who always tried to comfort him cried too. The first person he told was Ronan but there were other kids around them and Ronan had a big mouth. As time went on, things changed. The children started it first, before the adults joined in and now, it was this huge festival. Orion had been nine years old when he suggested the festival.

"I told them we wouldn’t bury ourselves in the dark of memory. We’d carry memory with us, yes, but with our heads up. We’d celebrate the fact that those who taught us, protected us, loved us once did so and that their lessons lived on. We’d tell them stories of what we’d been doing, the trivial things, the petty joys. We’d make noise enough to drown the silence. I know it’s childish..."

"It’s not childish." Sophia spoked up interrupting him. "Nothing about this day is childish. Nothing about the festival is childish also."

"And to answer your question, " she turned gazing directly into his eyes. "You have every right to join in the festivities. You didn’t cause the enclave attack, Orion."

"Sophia..."

Orion tried to break the stare, trying to look at some place else but Sophia’s hands reached out and held his chin in her palm.

"No, I let you go on when you were talking. I listened to you so listen to me you annoying oaf. What happened...what the enclave did? It wasn’t your fault." She told him.

He looked like he wanted to argue. She could see the resistance in his eyes along with the shadows in them. His eyes were beautiful and she noticed just how much this morning but right now, they weren’t beautiful. They had lost their spark because Orion so believed that he was the cause of everything that happened with the enclave.

"The Enclave is a body that is supposed to protect our kind right? They are supposed to lend out a helping hand. When a deadly plague like that spread they shouldn’t have even let your father kneel outside begging them for hours. Help should have come freely. You guys did the one thing you needed to do to survive. And I know you, Orion. Your stubborn self wouldn’t be able to smile freely if you had not done anything to save your family, your people." She told him.

Orion’s throat bobbed with a swallow and Sophia notices every single movement but she was focused on getting him out of this slump.

"And let me tell you, the leader of the enclave is a fucking twart. A bigger oaf than you...no," she shook her head. "Oaf isn’t even good at describing whoever they are. They are demons. I don’t care, he or she is a demon."

"Wh.."