"Are we really going scuba diving?" I asked Roman. I couldn’t tell if I was more anxious or thrilled, but it was definitely a storm of emotions taking place in the pit of my stomach.

He squeezed my shoulder, "We’ll start out with snorkeling, and if you are interested in taking the scuba lessons, we can stay longer. The equipment just all comes in one pack."

That was enough to calm all of the anxiety I had in me. Snorkeling was a great starting place. While I definitely didn’t have a fear of water, staying underneath it for so long was nerve-wracking.

Everyone then followed the instructions of the leader to put on our wetsuits and flippers. As I took off my sarong and stepped into the legs of the wet suit, I felt eyes on me. For a moment, I shook it off and thought I was just being delusional. As I pulled on the tight-fitting fabric, however, the feeling grew so intense that I could feel exactly where they were looking at. The small of my back.

Hesitantly, I panned around to see who was the one staring. However, everyone was distracted by their own wet suits or helping their partner with theirs.

Maybe I was just imagining things. The feeling dissipated and I continued with the wet suit. Once it was on my arms, I felt Roman step behind me and zip the suit. I turned and did the same for him.

When I leaned up to give him a quick kiss, I felt eyes on me again! I was really losing my mind.

Putting on the goggles, flippers, and snorkel, we all stood around as the instructor told us the dos and don’ts of snorkeling. It all sounded fairly simple. Don’t go so deep that your snorkel couldn’t pull in air, pull in steady and calm breaths as we wouldn’t get as much air as we were used to on land, try to conserve energy, be aware of your surroundings, and don’t venture too far from the boat. Easy enough. A true vote of confidence was how laid back and breezy the instructor seemed.

The boat halted above shallow water. Peering over the edge of the boat, I was delighted to see the rocky terrain, a bright and colorful landscape of coral, and flashes of moving things in the water – surely fish. I squeezed Roman’s arm out of excitement, and he chuckled.

"Alright, let’s get into the water!" the instructor called.

A line formed at the side of the boat, Roman in front of me. One by one, people leapt into the water, a little pause between each so the one in the water could move out of the way. As the person ahead of Roman dove in after the others, the familiar feeling of eyes found me again.

That time, when I glanced around, I saw a man with intense eyes looking in my direction. As soon as our eyes met, he looked away, but I took a moment to study him. He was a bit older than Roman, with an athletic but slim build, and nearly black eyes.

I turned back around quickly. Something about him unnerved me, but I figured maybe it was just coincidence that our gaze had met. After all, I hadn’t noticed him being the one to stare before. There was no need to villainize him. Maybe I was just in a weird mood, a paranoid one. I tried to keep thoughts at bay and focused again on the task at hand.

Once Roman jumped into the water, I watched for him to move and jumped in after him.

The water was the shock I needed to return to vacation mode. The past year had just changed me, had made me nervous and paranoid. It was understandable, but I just needed to remember that I was safe. Plus, I was on my second honeymoon. I needed to enjoy myself instead of staying in a perpetual state of anxiety. So what even if that guy had a staring problem? He didn’t even know us. He was on vacation, too.

Roman and I swam side by side a little ways way from the boat before putting on our snorkels and looking at one another. I had to admit, I felt a little goofy in the outfit, but it was greatly outweighed by anticipation. The glance of the water I had gotten while on the boat was enough to make me forget all the worrying thoughts and swim a little faster.

When we reached a stopping point, we both placed the mouth pieces to the snorkel in our mouths and then dove slightly under the surface. A moment of anxiety washed over me as I struggled to get used to breathing in the snorkel. Once I calmed down, it was easier. It really was different than typical breathing. It was slow and steady, and I hoped that it would become second nature after a few minutes, as I was over thinking every breath at that moment.

It was no longer a thought when the coral reef came into view. I was mesmerized by the rainbow of colors. Deep purples, brilliant yellows, intense greens, and dusty rose pinks painted a canvas of natural beauty before us. Blue and green, purple and yellow, and orange fish all swam about in precise groups and paths. It was so fantastic that it was almost too much for my mind. I felt like I was seeing the world through a child’s eyes with how bold and vibrant the colors were. I long to reach out and touch the coral and the fish, but new better than to do that.

We paddled around, getting a better look and views from all different angles. I had never seen a wild habitat so up close and personal. It was amazing. If we decided to do the scuba lessons, we would get an even more personal look! Even though just an hour ago the thought had made me nervous, scuba diving was now the only thing I wanted to do. Snorkeling was great, but I longed to be closer. It was just so peaceful and mesmerizing.

Roman motioned under the water for me to follow him. He swam a bit ahead and I eagerly followed.

It was then, in midswim, that I felt the eyes of a predator on me.

It felt instinctual to know that the gaze on me was predatory. There was no logic to it; I just knew. My throat clenched from nerves and I quickly looked behind me, worried it was a shark or something of the like.

Only, I should have known it wasn’t. It was the eyes of the man from the boat—and he was swimming straight to me.

It reminded me of those scary shark movies. For a moment, I actually feared for my life. My mind raced with the possibilities of attacks he could do. Would Roman turn around in time to save me?

It was then that I decided to move after Roman, wanting to get his attention so he could see what I did. Only, when I neared him and peered behind me, the man was swimming in another direction. 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝘦𝘸𝑒𝒷𝓃ℴ𝑣𝘦𝑙.𝒸ℴ𝘮

I couldn’t get my eyes off of him for a bit, wanting to make sure he wasn’t coming any closer to us. He joined his partner and they moved to anther part of the reef.

I wanted to kick myself. I told myself again and again there was nothing to fear and that I was the one risking ruining my own vacation. It was time to let the fear go and move on. It wasn’t fair to myself, Roman, or any stranger I projected my fears onto. I felt bad and like I had already ruined things, even though Roman was blissfully unaware.

Yet, as bad as I felt, I found my vision panning back over to keep an eye on the man. Something felt off, but I just didn’t have an explanation for it.

Suddenly, I didn’t want to be in the water anymore. I just wanted to get back to the bungalow. My mood and state of mind was completely ruined, and yet, I worried about ruining Roman’s time. I didn’t want to cause him worry for nothing.

I needed to think and calm down, but it was impossible when in the water like that. As much as I loved snorkeling, I needed out of that water.

The moment I saw someone heading back to the boat, I tapped Roman’s shoulder and pointed in that direction. He headed back with me. My entire body was tense from the attacks of anxiety I had gone through, but I didn’t care. I fought through them to swim as fast as I could back to the boat. I would feel safe there, and I really needed to breathe deep breaths. The snorkel wasn’t cutting it anymore.

I had lied to myself, saying that, once I could breathe, the feelings would leave.

They wouldn’t. The Auction House had damaged me. Would I always be like this?