Chapter 135

When Wen Qianyi hesitated and said she might be able to help him, it made Li Yan feel as if he had been struck by lightning on a clear day. What followed made him feel embarrassed, even a bit ashamed.

At first, he thought Qianyi felt sorry for him going back to deal with it alone. As a man nearing thirty, it seemed a bit pitiful or disgraceful, and because she was in a good mood today, she wanted to help him out. This gave him a shock and a strong sense of anticipation.

After hearing what she said later, he understood Wen Qianyi’s real intention wasn’t to genuinely help him, but to shock and move him with such words!

Men are very indulgent in sexual matters, which can almost be said to be shaped by external circumstances. Not to mention "human nature is inherently good," every person starts from a blank slate. During growth, the environment from family, society, media, friends, school, etc., begins to influence thoughts and ideas. Once the thoughts arise, then actions follow. To elaborate further, apart from ideas, it’s directly influenced by work, friends, and economic factors.

Homebodies, people with fixed jobs, and small social circles are generally honest; those with insufficient income are also honest. People with large social circles, many friends, numerous social engagements, and strong economic power have all the conditions to indulge, and naturally, that proportion is higher.

Li Yan’s previous lifestyle met some of these conditions — his social circle wasn’t large, but the range was broad. He didn’t have a fixed residence, and no acquaintances lived nearby, so he didn’t worry about gossip. He didn’t have many friends or engagements, but there were single people willing to go out and have fun, naturally influenced similarly. He had economic capability and physical conditions to cover expenses and attract partners. Most importantly, he had a profession far more stressful than the average person!

Why become an assassin? One word—money!

When a man has money, he lives days licking blood on a knife’s edge, devoted to fun in the here and now, living for today. Smoking, drinking, gambling, and women are the most common. It’s the upgraded version of ’eating, drinking, and playing’ — ’eating, drinking, whoring, gambling, smoking.’ Smoking may even upgrade to drug use...

Wen Qianyi has known Li Yan for so long and knows him very well, aware that he smokes and drinks heavily, though she doesn’t believe he would use drugs. But playing around with women is certainly inevitable. Seeing his confident demeanor, he’s likely not secretly spending money to hire escorts but engaging in one-night stands instead. If he was single, it wouldn’t matter much, since it’s his personal business. But he doesn’t often use the assassin identity anymore and has a steady girlfriend. Continued indulgence, whether with escorts or one-night stands, would be a betrayal to his girlfriend. If he contracts a disease, it would not only be emotional harm but also a physical threat.

Li Yan hesitated and wanted to admit it, yet also hesitated to admit it outright, so how could she believe that he would truly go back and resolve it himself? She guessed he might seek out some casual partners for venting instead. This is certainly bad, affecting not just his girlfriend but making even someone like her feel uncomfortable, unable to maintain earlier intimacy like kissing.

...

After hearing her words, Li Yan was silent for a moment, then came over to hold her hand, returning to the sofa. He then sincerely said, "You’re right. In our line of work, the mental pressure is immense. Perhaps this time you score a significant financial gain, but next time you may lose a life. So, everyone has their stress relief methods. Smoking, drinking, and sex are the most basic and common ways for men.

That’s not enough though; aside from these, there are other methods. More positive approaches might include finding a very ordinary job to adjust through normal life or focusing on other interests; on the negative side, it could be binge drinking, promiscuity, or even drug use..."

"And you?" Wen Qianyi asked softly without taking her hand away.

Li Yan smiled, "I think I’m more positively confronting stress. Though I smoke and drink, not excessively, and also engage in one-night stands, not excessively; only when it’s really necessary to vent. I don’t do drugs, and instead, since I didn’t have much schooling, I spend a lot of time self-learning and reading books. Sometimes when I get restless, I meditate a little."

His words were half true and half false—the truth was the fact, but he didn’t disclose the underlying reason. Listening to Buddhist scriptures and meditating were to quell the violent side effects from the "Heart Demon"; reading books wasn’t for self-learning or compensating for educational shortcomings, but rather to search for secrets about the Heart Demon.

Wen Qianyi slightly opened her mouth, finding it hard to believe that someone like Li Yan would read and self-learn, and even meditate? But she still encouraged, "That’s great."

"Your words earlier made me feel very ashamed. However, there’s something I need to confess to you. Since knowing you, I basically haven’t had one-night stands with strangers anymore!" Li Yan said seriously. Hai Fu, Li Jie, Qiao Huanxuan — they shouldn’t count as strangers, right?

Hearing him say this, he seemed to come back only to explain this point. This made Wen Qianyi avert his gaze and guiltily say, "That’s your business, what’s it got to do with me... It must be because of Xiaodi, right?"

"Let me put it another way, for about half a year from then until now, I basically haven’t had one-night stands with strangers. To be precise, this year, or even last year, it hasn’t been that much."

That was the truth as well, but hearing it, Wen Qianyi couldn’t help but tease, "So you were very frequent before, it’s just not very frequent now. But you still had countless women, right?"

"..." Li Yan laughed at himself, "You can think of it that way. In fact, I’ve met many friends over the past two years, but right now you’re the only person who knows my business. You’re so smart, I can’t hide from you anyway."

"Sorry," Wen Qianyi softly apologized. No matter what, knowing such an important secret about him, his choice was to confess and share it with her rather than evade, leave, or silence her — all signs of his trust in her. He was seriously confessing just now, so teasing seemed meaningless now.

"It’s okay. By the way, I’ll actually be heading to Xiao Duan later on; the man I gave the ticket to when we watched a movie—it was among my friends. But I didn’t want you to feel... It’s your birthday, and I’m leaving you, so I just went along with what you said about me going back for that. I’ll remember what you just told me."

Wen Qianyi nodded silently, that reason was more acceptable.

"Then I..."

Seeing Li Yan seemingly ready to bid farewell and leave, without mentioning the words she said earlier, Wen Qianyi brought it up herself, "What I said just now was not just to shock you into stopping."

"Hmm?"

Wen Qianyi avoided his gaze and said softly, "Just now, if you really needed it that much, ... maybe I could help you..."

Hearing this again, Li Yan still felt a shock in his heart! He reached out and gently held her shoulder, saying softly, "Qianyi, I know you mean well. But for this kind of thing, it’s not easy to help with, I’m okay."

"You don’t need my help? Then you can go!" Wen Qianyi shook her shoulder, letting his hand slide off.

Hearing her mention ’help’ again, Li Yan understood that after repeatedly stating his case, she didn’t avoid the topic with relief, but instead asked again. That was already a hint!

"Of course... if you wouldn’t feel burdened, I would be more than willing. Just... if we really got involved, it might not be that natural between us afterward..." Li Yan’s hopes were reignited, but he still calmly voiced his concerns.

Wen Qianyi elbowed him playfully, "You’re dreaming! Who said anything about sleeping with you?"

Li Yan thought to himself, if it’s just ’sleeping together’ and not making love, then we’ve already done it twice... "So the help you mentioned... it’s not like you have adult films for me to watch, right?"

If that’s the case, it would be so embarrassing, even if it was a different kind of thrill at her place, it’s still very awkward.

Wen Qianyi’s face turned crimson, breathing slightly hard, before she said, "Helping you with that... doesn’t mean sleeping with you!"

Li Yan’s heart skipped a beat.

"What do you mean?" Li Yan hurriedly asked, "If you don’t mind, I’d be very willing, but won’t it feel like I’m disrespecting you?"

Wen Qianyi blushed and lowered her head; she herself couldn’t explain why she boldly made such a suggestion.

She didn’t say anything, stood up, and walked into the bedroom.

Li Yan secretly swallowed, is this an implicit agreement?

Just when he was about to follow her, he found the bedroom door closed. He hesitated for a moment, what does this mean? Is she asking me to come in or not?

After hesitating for a while, he saw the bedroom door open, and Wen Qianyi, already changed clothes, walked out again. She was wearing a cotton nightgown, seemingly without her stockings, and without saying anything, headed straight towards the bathroom.

He went in, his heart racing, sitting on Wen Qianyi’s bed waiting for her to return.

Here, he had once spent a night with her on the bed, but now it wasn’t going to be as honest as that night. Looking at the removed clothes and the discarded stockings on the floor, he felt like an innocent young man, not knowing what to do! This was the beautiful woman he had always admired and with whom he had an intimate relationship. If something really happened, how would it affect their relationship in the future?

Thinking about it, the two of them had already slept on a bed together and kissed, both with no problems, so it seemed as long as they didn’t cross the line, it was fine. It would certainly be awkward, but considering the secrets they already shared, what difference would one more make?

...

While he was lost in thought, Wen Qianyi came back in. The room was dark because she had drawn the sheer curtains and drapes tight, significantly dimming the light.

She came in, seeing Li Yan already sitting on the bed, was too embarrassed to look at him, silently walking over to the side, and then got onto the bed.

Li Yan’s breathing quickened a little, estimating that for Wen Qianyi to get in bed with him, it would be this level of nervousness and excitement?

Certain things, if done quietly, are okay, but once spoken, it becomes awkward for everyone. Understanding this, Li Yan didn’t ask further questions, sensing an implicit agreement.

After Wen Qianyi got on the bed, she lay a little further in, then pulled over a pillow, covering her entire face with it...

(Thanks to yesterday’s supporters: dongmin8061, jp^^, PiPi Pig Haoh, zjun971210, しょぅけん, Seaside Liangzai, Cp Pampas, Rain’s Destiny, jK Liang) (To be continued. To know what happens next, please visit www.qidian.com, read more Chapters, support the author, and support legitimate reading!)