The Forest Feeds No Idle Goblins

Chapter 1: Call me Handsome Guy

The Forest Feeds No Idle Goblins

Chapter 1: Call me Handsome Guy

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Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Call me Handsome Guy

Little John desperately wanted to kill his future father-in-law.

But he couldn’t.

So, he had no choice but to become an Adventurer.

The morning fog had just lifted in the autumn forest, but a chill still hung in the air.

"Mary is the prettiest girl in our village. You’re a lucky man," Gunter said, laughing heartily.

He walked ahead of Little John, beating at the surrounding brush with a long wooden stick.

"I remember when you were little, you used to pull Mary’s braids. Mary chased you all over the village with a broom, like she was chasing a dog. And what happened? You were the one who ended up falling into a pile of cow manure."

"We were just kids back then," Little John said with a sheepish smile.

"Mary’s a good girl." Gunter stopped and scanned the undergrowth. "So why are you out here trying to be an Adventurer?"

"You know... about Mary..." Little John trailed off.

"Oh, right, I remember now. That old cheapskate. He really gouged me when I was leaving the village," Gunter said resentfully.

Little John knew he was talking about Mary’s father. As the village’s only Blacksmith, he had a personality that nobody much cared for.

He and Mary had grown up together—they were childhood sweethearts. But Mary’s miserly father, the Blacksmith, had never liked her, always saying a girl was useless for the family business. And now, he was even planning to marry Mary off to an old man, just because the man offered 6 Gold Coins.

Little John knew that brutish old man had beaten his own wife to death just a few months ago. He’d gone to confront Mary’s father about it, but the old cheapskate’s only reply was, "You can have her if you give me 6 Gold Coins."

Little John and Mary put their heads together and decided to do whatever it took before winter arrived.

Mary spent all day washing clothes for the rich to save money, while he chose to become an Adventurer.

There was no other way. There was only one month until winter, and earning 6 Gold Coins was extremely difficult.

After all, a laborer at the docks earned only 6 Silver Coins a day. To make that kind of money, Little John would have to haul sacks for a hundred days without spending a single coin on food or drink. The only way to earn that much in a month was to become an Adventurer.

"Don’t worry. The forest is dangerous, but you’ll be fine with me," Gunter said, raising his long stick. "Here, look."

Little John stared and saw a venomous red-and-black-striped snake coiled around the other end of the stick.

His pupils shrank as he instinctively took a step back. "A Red Ring Snake! Gunter, be careful!"

The venom of the Red Ring Snake is incredibly potent. Hunters jokingly call it the "Chill Wind," because a bite makes your body feel a spreading numbness, as if you’ve been hit by an icy blast. They say a single bite is enough to fell an elephant.

Before the words even left his mouth, Gunter flung the long stick aside. A blade flashed—SHING! SHING!—and the venomous snake, now in three pieces, fell into the nearby brush.

He drew and sheathed his sword in the space of a few breaths. ’A true veteran Adventurer,’ Little John thought, lowering the Longsword he had just drawn and watching Gunter with envy.

"This is child’s play for an Adventurer. Once you’re more experienced, one trip into the Nightmare Forest—with the herbs, game, and bounties—you can easily make 40 Silver Coins. After food, lodging, and equipment maintenance, saving twenty or so silver coins a day is no problem at all. And if you manage to take down a Low Level Magical Beast, a single Beast Core can sell for a few Gold Coins."

"The money’s easy," Gunter continued, laughing as he led the way again. "And you’ve got goblins practically handing you cash. 3 Silver Coins an ear. Come on, let’s head to their den."

Little John grunted in agreement. He glanced at the leather cord wrapped around his wrist, from which hung a small wooden charm. It was a good luck charm Mary had made for him.

’As a hunter who’s still pretty green, I’m so lucky that Gunter agreed to take me with him. He left the village to become an Adventurer three years ago.’

He hurried to catch up, and soon their figures vanished into the Nightmare Forest.

The Nightmare Forest was a vast expanse of land situated at the heart of the Three Great Human Kingdoms. It was thousands of years old and teeming with danger. Aside from Adventurers, not even lumberjacks or Hunters dared to venture too deep within its borders.

But if you were to ask any veteran Adventurer what you’d find most of in the forest, they would undoubtedly say: goblins.

These short, green-skinned creatures looked like malnourished children with round heads and spindly limbs. They had mouths full of sharp, yellowed teeth and two long, pointed ears that jutted out from the backs of their heads. Their nature was a contradiction: greedy yet foolish, cunning yet cowardly. 𝗳𝗿𝐞𝕖𝘄𝗲𝕓𝗻𝚘𝚟𝕖𝐥.𝚌𝕠𝕞

A pack of two or three would only dare to ambush a lone traveler from the bushes. A group of nine or ten might be brave enough to attack a passing merchant caravan by night. But a mob of more than twenty would even dare to raid nearby villages for supplies.

Every bestiary listed them as one of the vilest monsters. The great Kingdoms all funded the Adventurer Association to post a standing bounty quest: one left ear in exchange for 3 Silver Coins. This "bread-and-butter" quest was a major reason the Adventurer profession had grown so large.

Unlike farmers, Blacksmiths, or other craftsmen, Adventurers owned no land or fixed assets. They lived by taking on quests for pay, selling their labor and, often, their very lives. In the big cities, people privately called them vagrants, but here, on the borders of the Nightmare Forest, they had a more... unique moniker: Ear Cleaners.

"Ear Cleaners, my ass. They’re just jealous." Gunter stopped and pulled a stained parchment map from his coat.

After carefully identifying the direction, he casually stuffed the map back into his coat and said with a smile, "This work is freeing, the pay is good, and as long as you’re diligent enough, those farmers and laborers can’t even hope to keep up."

"Thank you for everything," Little John said sincerely.

But he also recalled a rumor he’d heard. Choosing his words carefully, he said, "I heard at the tavern... that the forest has been particularly dangerous recently."

"That’s just stuff to scare the newbies. Those guys say that all the time," Gunter scoffed. "When I first became an Adventurer three years ago, I went into the forest with two teammates. I wasn’t afraid in the slightest. Then, while we were making camp for the night, we heard this rustling in the bushes... Turned out six goblins had snuck up on us in the dark."

Gunter pulled the Great Sword from his back and brandished it showily. "They started screeching, trying to intimidate us, but you know what happened..."

Little John watched him, captivated, waiting for the rest of the story.

With a WHOOSH, Gunter swung the Great Sword through the grass before him. "I let out a war cry, Charged, and cleaved right through them!"

"Their heads all flew right off."

Bits of green grass drifted down, as if reenacting Gunter’s past glory.

Little John played along, clapping and cheering.

In the last two days at the Ear-Cleaning Master Tavern, he’d heard that an entire party of Adventurers had vanished without a trace.

And it was a veteran party that had worked together for a long time, with a balanced composition of ranged and melee classes.

It wasn’t unheard of for Adventurers to die, but for an entire party of three to be wiped out with no survivors was highly unusual.

This turn of events had the Adventurers in the tavern buzzing. They were all talking about forming larger parties before heading into the forest.

Still, watching Gunter in action put Little John at ease. ’With his help,’ he thought, ’I can definitely earn those 6 Gold Coins.’

"Getting tired? The nest is just up ahead." Gunter handed him a waterskin. "Stick close to me. We’re about to go collect our pay from the goblins."

"Okay, I’m counting on you, Gunter." Little John took the waterskin and tilted his head back, taking a large gulp.

"Not far now," Gunter said as he took the waterskin back. He didn’t drink from it, instead stowing it directly in his pack.

After a few more steps, Little John started to feel his mind grow hazy. He staggered, swaying unsteadily. "Gunter... I feel..."

Before he could finish his sentence, he collapsed into the grass with a THUD.

"Feeling what?" Gunter walked over to the unconscious Little John and looked down at the young man from his village. "Dizziness is perfectly normal."

"Since you’ve been calling me ’Big Brother,’ I’ll teach you your first lesson of the forest: never accept food or drink from a stranger."

He then knelt and slowly drew the Longsword from Little John’s hip.

"A fine blade. Worth 2 Gold Coins, at least," Gunter remarked, turning the Longsword over and examining it.

"See?" He laid the edge of the blade against Little John’s neck and smiled. "Making money in the Nightmare Forest really is easy."

As he spoke, Gunter began to draw the blade across.

Just then, the COO-COO of a bird echoed through the woods.

Gunter shot to his feet, holding the Longsword defensively before him. He sniffed the air sharply. There was a faint, foul odor.

"Looks like we have company." He began to move slowly, scanning his surroundings.

CLICK. Gunter felt his foot press down on something. A moment later, the brush a dozen meters ahead of him rustled, and three green figures emerged. Goblins, by the looks of them.

’9 Silver Coins.’

Without a second thought, Gunter let out a shout and charged.

He held his Great Sword at a slant, moving like the wind.

He crossed the dozen-meter distance in just a few strides.

He twisted his waist.

Planted his foot.

All that was left was the cleaving blow to end the fight.

But then, Gunter suddenly felt the ground give way. With a CRASH, he plunged into a pitfall trap.

"AHHH—!" A piercing scream echoed through the forest.

A nearby bush was thrown aside, and a Green-skinned Goblin holding a Long Spear charged forward. "You is deady-dead!"

He rushed to the edge of the trap and looked down at Gunter, who was impaled on several spears and still twitching. The goblin muttered in confusion, "Chief, that not a wild boar."

Another, slightly shorter goblin with a bald head walked up behind him and kicked him out of the way. He stared down at Gunter, who was now quite dead, and said calmly, "I can see that."

"Green Egg Leader, there’s another live one over there."

"Shut up. Call me Handsome Guy Leader."

"Right, Green Egg Leader."

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