I get the feeling that he must have been in that situation too which is why he understood me so well. He adds up to number two on the list of people who were helpful to me. I planned my revenge extensively. I went back to Logan and acted as the sweet little girl he likes so it would be easy. It came as good-willed and natural when I offered him a sandwich laced with a few drops of Nitrile and grounded sesame seeds which I knew he was allergic to. I had added so little of both that it didn’t react quickly enough for him to even have the time to trace it to me. He was rushed to the hospital that evening, I heard from my parents. Dad had run over to the hospital on getting the news. He looked so distraught that one would think it was his child that got hurt. The bastard slipped into a coma and has been a human vegetable ever since. Only then was I at peace with myself. He should have just died. Logan McCartney, please kick the bucket already so my revenge would be complete.

My morning was even more gloomy than usual the next day because I did not see Nate outside his porch. Like a miracle, he saw me trekking to school and still gives me a ride in his car. We talked randomly about school stuff. I get glimpses of what it is like to be an adored senior. As I got down on the school’s parking lot, I saw the girl that was sucking him off yesterday. She is sitting on a flashy car that I assume to belong to her. I badly wished I could disappear in the face of her nasty glare. I felt like I should explain myself to her in that moment. But a guy comes and kisses her on the cheek. "Hey babe."

"Hey sugarstick. I have missed you."

"I missed you more." They engage in a make out session right there. I stare flabbergasted by the shameless spectacle. A hand yanks mine. I collided into Nate’s torso. "What are you looking at? Let’s go." He said. "Isn’t that your girlfriend?"

"No."

"But she was blowing you yesterday." I press.

"Well if you really want to know the details, her boyfriend travelled. She needed something to put her mouth on, and I was kind enough to offer her mine." He said casually. "Keep it a secret. I don’t want her boyfriend to come at me." I stood transfixed watching him walk off. His had dropped a bomb on me with his words. At the same time, I was glad that he does not have a girlfriend. When I came to, the number of eyes on me were insane. Almost everyone is watching me. It was the same during class. Eyes, whispers, being pointed at. I adjusted the weight of my bag and slid my hand inside my hoodie jacket as I walked to class. When Spanish class was over, three girls came to my desk and surrounded me. Hailee, Miranda and Elise. The are known around school as the HEM girls. Their vibe smells trouble. I shrank back into my seat. "Are you and Nate Knightley a thing?" One asked in a sassy tone. "Answer her, bitch." Another one prompted.

"N-No." I did not mean to stutter out. Their presence feels overbearing with an intent to bully. My fingers tighten around my pen.

"Then why were you in his car this morning? Don’t even think about lying to me!" Telling from her snarling expression, she must have hooked up with Nate or is planning to. Even if I were actually having something with Nate, I would deny it flat in the face of these girls because the last thing I want is trouble with them. They are really nasty to say the least. I have seen multiple times the way they bullied other girls.

"He just gave me a ride. That’s all."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Let’s take her word for it Miranda. Trust Nate, he wouldn’t have anything with someone like her. Even her sister would not have a chance with him much less her." I briefly glanced at the girl who had said that—Elise. Her words had hit a nerve. Miranda seems to reason with her. "Listen here bitch. You said nothing is going on between you and Nate?" I nod. "Then make him come to my party this weekend. If you do, I will truly believe what you say." That sounds like a simple task. But I later discovered that it wasn’t. Nate and Miranda has an unpleasant history. According to him, she was his first love who cheated on him with a guy that was his enemy. He had broken up with her over that. But she does not want to accept it. "She is the reason I won’t ever fall for someone again." He said. The way his jaw clenches with unspoken emotion and pain shadowing his eyes. The way his eyes fills with tears really get to me. I reached my hand out to touch him before I even realized it. He flinches, and I instinctively bring my hand down fast like it was near a flame. I cleared my throat embarrassedly. "I am sorry. I didn’t mean—"

"Don’t like me." He said, his tone warm enough to not sound like much of a warning even though it was. I took time in the heavy pressurized silence to register it in my head. When it finally did, a odd twinge settles in my chest.

"What?" I ask in a cracked tone.

"I said don’t like me. It is not going to end well—not in the way that you are hoping for."

"I had not said anything yet."

"You didn’t need to. I had noticed you watching me for long now. I suspected it could be that. But I just needed to be sure. Now I am." He deadpans.

"You knew about that?" He is not supposed to.

"You weren’t exactly subtle, Anita." I part my lips to speak, but I had no words to say. I simply look down at my feet in the black-white converse. In my heart, I was trying to process the fact that I had just gotten rejected before I even thought of making a move to tell him. 𝗳𝗿𝐞𝕖𝘄𝗲𝕓𝗻𝚘𝚟𝕖𝐥.𝚌𝕠𝕞

"Sorry if I had given you mixed signals." He apologizes. "I will clear up the dating rumor at school tomorrow so you won’t be harassed by Miranda anymore."

"Thanks for that, at least." I said in a sad voice.

"I don’t mean to hurt you."

That day, I cried. I did nothing but cry. I was deep in the abyss of sadness. "How long have you liked him?"

Asked Mrs Alice in a tone overflowing with concern, laced with her usual warmth. "Does it matter?" I utter chokily. "How far and long you liked someone will determine how fast you will heal." She said softly. Patting my head as I wept on her thighs. There is a definite answer to that question. But there isn’t at the same time. He moved here before summer. So that is about. . . "About six months." I answer. You know this feeling like you’ve known something all your life even though you have not actually known it for long. That is just how I feel about Nate. I felt this sort of connection to him the very first time I saw him. I did then, and I still do now. What pulled me out of the raw sadness phase was a friend I met on the internet.

She says her name is Chloe and that she is the same age as me. She lives in Miami with her mother. Her parents are divorced, and she has a handsome older brother who she doesn’t get to see much as he lives by himself. We don’t have anything in common. She is the sunny sunshine girl who radiates positive energy and that in your face kind of confidence. And I am the dark sky gloomy girl who secretly laments that she has no friends but very much prefers her own company. How equivocal. I know. We made it work somehow. I have had internet friends before. But they kept things too on the surface just like me. Chloe did a number on me even though we have never physically met. I went from speaking only a few words to telling her about myself and my insecurities. I left out the abuse and told her everything else. I was encouraged and really seen by someone else other than Mrs Alice. The other was mother pulling strings, trying to buy a spot in the city’s miss teens pageant. I picked myself up and kept to my stringent diet methods and exercises. That and constantly chatting with Chloe, completely took my mind off Nate. I was then focused on somehow bypassing Briar and getting into the competition. I don’t know where I suddenly got the will and conviction from. It couldn’t all be from the virtual confidence that Chloe is impacting into me.