---

Zeke knelt on the black glass, one hand resting on the pommel of a sword planted upright before him. The blade had pierced the fused surface and sunk deep. He leaned on it—not for support, but because the posture suited the moment.

The white floor of the Crucible was gone. In its place stretched a wasteland of black glass and shallow craters, the surface cracked like dried mud over a fire that had burned too long and too hot. Demon corpses lay twisted among the human dead—charred limbs intertwined, indistinguishable at first glance. Monster carcasses the size of dwellings had fallen in heaps, their blood pooling in the depressions their bodies had carved.

At the center of it all, Zeke knelt. His head was bowed. His hands rested on the pommel. The blood on him was not his own.

He did not move. The battlefield settled around him, exhausted into silence.

"Ahh." He let out a low moan, almost content. "I missed this."

His weathered face held a satisfied smile.

{You missed this?} Zero’s voice cut through the stillness. {This is carnage. You’ve been dying for the past month. Have you stepped foot outside the Crucible?}

"The outside world can wait."

Zeke let the sword fall and laid his back against the ground. The Crucible shifted around him—back to its default setting, the corpses and destruction erased as though they had never been. He kept his mental and physical state unchanged. His limiters remained in place: Immortality removed, Pride locked away. Immortality would simply heal him, and that would defeat the purpose of leaving himself as he was.

"What you call carnage, I call life" Zeke said, quieter now.

"This is the life I’ve become accustomed to. This is the life I miss."

A pause.

"Answer me this. Do you know what it feels like to fight wars? To take part in life-threatening battles for years on end and then come back to this?"

{...}

"In my thousands of lives, no matter how I avoided it, I was always drawn to battle. I lost people close to me. I grew numb—or so I thought. Then I lost more, and I realized I hadn’t even discovered the bottom I thought I’d reached. I lost myself in the most stimulating thing I could find. And it was war."

"Yes, it was a trial. A made-up world. But can you stop yourself from falling deep into the illusion?"

"Can you detach yourself forever? I’m not Michael. I have emotions."

Zeke’s voice roughened.

"I had friends. Brothers in arms. They all died. I died as well—painfully, gruesomely. I was mediocre in most of my lives. I was the weaker party at the mercy of the strong."

"I lost my mind, Zero. I lost it and found it in war."

"It took me three hundred and seventy lives to return to a semblance of normalcy. And the fiftieth life after that—my five thousand eight hundred and forty-sixth life—I became immortal again."

"After years of normalcy, I was abnormal. I couldn’t die. Do you know—the first eighteen years of that life, I was monster chow."

{You told the boys this when you had mentioned the trial,} Zero said carefully. {But you didn’t mention these things.}

"Mention that I lived thousands of lives? That I lost my mind? That in most lives I lived thousands of years alone? That everything I knew and loved was taken from me? That I killed myself just to get a better roll?"

"That when I thought I’d won, I gained immortality? That when I became immortal, normalcy didn’t satisfy me anymore? That I returned to seeking battles? That I found love for the first time?"

"How does someone go millions of years without love, finally find it, and then watch it die?"

Zeke let out a short, hollow laugh.

"After I relapsed, it didn’t take long for me to return. I’d done it before. It was easy. I simply accepted the truth: I was immortal, and living a good life until the next one wouldn’t happen again. I still didn’t understand the purpose of the trial. I decided I’d rather just have fun."

"And fun I had. I had people in my life who—as a consequence of my ’fun’—died. As a consequence of my trial, real or illusion, they died because of me."

"I eventually walked alone. That’s when she came into my life. A nuisance who just wouldn’t leave me."

"You know, she reminded me the most of Yeon. That’s why I even entertained her. I can’t even remember her face."

His voice cracked.

"I can’t picture her face in despair as he held her. I can’t—I don’t think I’ll be able to handle seeing her face."

"Coming back to reality, I could only cope by acting as if nothing had happened. It was rational. What had happened was false—a reality manipulated by the Tower. Fake. So it shouldn’t have affected me. So I could return to being charming Zeke. Immortal waste of space Zeke."

"I tried. I coped well enough. But when I saw Yeon, I just couldn’t cope anymore."

"My walls started breaking."

"They’re so fucking similar, Zero. They’re so fucking similar, man."

A tear rolled down his cheek. He did not notice.

"Yes, I might have tried to cope by flirting with her. But I couldn’t help myself. I fell in love again. I mean, they’re like the same person. What could I do?"

"And Yeon was a space I needed. A space that orbited around me and healed me when I needed it. It may have started as a coping mechanism because of what I thought was resemblance. But I fucking love Yeon, man."

"I failed Esme. But I won’t fail Yeon."

Zeke stood. He had called her name—the first time since passing his trial.

"I believe my requirement to pass the trial was giving up what I thought made me me, for something that actually did."

"I gave up my pride. I was willing to give up my immortality, the system, everything I had—for the Tower to save them."

{Me as well?} Zero asked trying to lighten the mood.

"Hmm."

"I asked nicely. The Tower didn’t respond. If that wasn’t my trial—if my trial was something else and I’d watched my wife and child die—I would have passed it by hook or crook. And I promise you, I would have killed everything in the Tower. I would have destroyed it."

"But it seems that was my trial. I can’t let go of the emotions. I can’t let go of what I went through. But I can recognize that it happened to make me grow. And I have grown. And I will continue to grow."

"So, Esme—forgive me for cheating on you. But I have to focus on reality now. You would want that."

Zeke smiled as tears rolled down both cheeks. He closed his eyes, trying to picture Esme’s face. It was the honor she deserved. The honor he would give.

He couldn’t.

He lay down, eyes closed, and stayed in that position for hours. Tears flowing.

He had tried. He had resolved himself. It didn’t work.

After hours passed, Zero could no longer watch.

{Zeke.}

"Mm."

Zeke exhaled slowly.

"You know, when I saw Yeon in her fancy clothes, I remembered Esme."

"I’d fallen for Yeon, so I tried not to remember Esme. But I couldn’t help myself. My emotions overflowed. And Yeon didn’t help in the slightest. She embodied her—but with the distinction that made her Yeon. That reminded me: I didn’t fall for Yeon just because she was like Esme."

"But I couldn’t cope for long. I’m glad the reunion didn’t last as long as I’d hoped. I couldn’t have lasted."

"So, my friend, that’s why I’ve locked myself in war for the past two weeks. And it’s brought me the clarity I needed. But I want to thank you. If you hadn’t asked—if you hadn’t listened—I might have drowned."

"But it seems that although I haven’t drowned, I’m still not out of the water."

Zeke smiled, jumped up, and dusted off his body.

"I’m not in a hurry to leave the water, though. I can’t forget my friends and my family just because I’ve returned to reality. But I can’t let them dictate my reality either."

"So, Esme—I can’t forget you when I can’t even remember your face."

"But I can’t let that guilt spill into what’s mine."

"I love Yeon. Not because she’s ’you.’ Because she’s Yeon."

"That’s why I’m elated. She’s not stuck in my shadow. She’s trying to become a saint. And even though she doesn’t want me to fight her battles—she wants equality—I’m sorry. I’ll have to be the main character and save my love when she can’t save herself."

"This time, no one will take my love from me."

{And your assistant as well,} Zero added. {Don’t forget. You have to be strong not just to protect her, but so you don’t think about sacrificing the system and everything you have.} Zero joked, he was happy, Zeke was back on his feet, he had to take advantage of this point to take Zeke’s mind off this for a while.

"Ah, yes. My best friend. I have to protect you too. But you’ll have to take a backseat to my love life, you know."

Zeke’s smile was lighter now.

{It’s good to see that smile. But just so you know—I’m not taking a backseat. She has your heart. I live in your head. We’ll have to share. No homo, though.}

"Hahaha."

Zeke laughed, the sound loosening something in his chest.

"I feel kind of free. And dirty. I should take a bath."

{You can’t be dirty. Your physical body didn’t sweat.}

"Says the one without a physical body. What do you know?"

"I haven’t taken a bath in two weeks. Haven’t you heard? Cleanliness is next to godliness."

Zeke clicked his tongue. The Crucible dissolved around him.

He appeared in his dorm room at the academy.

"Shower time, baby."

He whistled as he walked toward the bathroom. He wanted to wash off all his negative thoughts and return to his peak. After all, when main characters break through, they wash off the black goo—the impurities. He had his own version to wash away.

’Zeke Vaughn. Where have you been?’

Zeke stopped mid-step. The voice was unmistakable. Nox.

’Suspend your activities for now. You need to see this.’

Son of a bitch.

He disappeared from his room.