Chapter 648: Chapter 520: Because I Grow, Until Death I Will Not Rest

Those were hard but happy days.

"You’ve helped a lot of people." After listening carefully, he spoke slowly.

"We’re grateful people are willing to trust us." Ning Youguang smiled.

Now, her studio had grown from having only her as the sole Healer into a professional psychological healing organization with more than forty Healers and psychological mentors.

The more employees the organization had, the more people they could help.

He asked again, "What does it feel like to be ’reborn’?"

Ning Youguang’s clear, gentle gaze fell on his face. "I feel that the dried-up parts of my life have gained a faint trace of vitality."

What kind of feeling was that—those who had never felt it wouldn’t understand.

But that didn’t stop him from continuing to explore it.

"Does this vitality have a specific direction?"

"There’s only one kind of vitality. Once it is seen, it turns into good vitality—like passion, creativity, love. When it isn’t seen, it turns into black vitality, into hatred, aggression, anger, and destruction." Ning Youguang patiently explained, "Black vitality will inevitably produce destruction and attack. Sometimes it’s inward, sometimes outward. Those who attack inward keep engaging in self-attack, while those who attack outward will have very serious emotional problems. In daily life, they present two extreme emotional states: most of the time they seem very calm and easygoing, but once they hit a certain point, they turn into a powder keg that explodes at the slightest spark."

So people who lose control of their emotions are usually both inferior and arrogant.

When they have emotions but can’t find relief, and their hearts can’t digest them on their own, they lose control in an instant and show a kind of destruction that disregards all cost.

"So the vitality you’re talking about refers to the good kind of vitality." He slowly lowered his eyelids.

Only then did Ning Youguang notice how thick, long, and curled this big shot’s eyelashes were.

He had an exceptionally beautiful pair of eyes.

"Yes."

"Do you... think people who can’t control their emotions are bad?" He hesitated, then asked.

"Emotions, whether positive or negative, are not divided into good or bad. Their value depends purely on how the person who feels them chooses to use them." Ning Youguang replied. "And emotions are emotions, people are people—they need to be separated. We can’t conclude that a person is bad just because they have negative emotions. That’s not reasonable."

"Do you still have emotions now?"

"Of course I do." Ning Youguang chuckled softly. "I’m not a saint. How could I not have emotions? But I’ve learned how to harness my emotions. My awareness and my brain are no longer controlled by them."

"That’s why you can be this calm every time?"

"How should I put it?" Ning Youguang gave a light laugh. "I’ve always been quite calm."

On the outside, yes.

She hadn’t expected him to pierce through to the essence in a second.

"I’m talking about your heart."

"Alright, you’re right. I used to be deeply troubled by my emotions. I would constantly fall into uncontrollable self-doubt and regret—regretting that I chose the wrong answer on a test, said the wrong thing to someone, went to the wrong place to study, wondering if I had made someone unhappy again, if I hadn’t done well enough again, or if I’d caused trouble for the people around me, and so on. I was always dissatisfied with myself, and my emotions were extremely negative." Ning Youguang let out a soundless, self-mocking laugh. "So I was introverted, not good at socializing, didn’t have many friends. Even though my grades were improving, I had no way of using what I’d learned to fend off the negative emotions growing inside me. As a person, I wasn’t growing at all. So I loved spending time alone in the library. As Maugham said, ’To acquire the habit of reading is to construct for yourself a refuge from almost all the miseries of life.’"

"But that still couldn’t solve your problem."

Are geniuses’ brains all this sharp? 𝙛𝒓𝓮𝙚𝔀𝒆𝒃𝓷𝒐𝓿𝙚𝓵.𝙘𝒐𝒎

Ning Youguang gained a new understanding of his perceptiveness. "Yes. Books did offer me many methods, taught me how to cope with problems, how to solve problems. But they couldn’t resolve my psychological issues at the root."

"Then how did you transform?"

"By learning." Ning Youguang said. "Learning from excellent mentors how to heal myself, how to grow on my own. Once you’ve learned that, transformation becomes something that happens naturally."

This was an excellent opportunity to open the door to his heart. Ning Youguang was keeping all five senses in a state of heightened sensitivity, but she couldn’t let him see that she was probing.

So she could only use self-dissection to let him see another possibility for black vitality.

After thinking for a moment, she added, "Actually, at first I didn’t realize that just reading couldn’t solve my problems. I even secretly felt proud for quite some time, thinking all those past pains had ’passed.’ But back then I didn’t know that it was only because I was still a student—my interpersonal relationships were simple, I was far from my family, and I had few chances to touch my wounds. Every time I went home for vacation and reconnected with the people around me, I discovered that what I thought had ’passed’ was just self-deception. Those wounds that had never been healed were still hiding in my consciousness. By influencing how I perceived the present and what I expected from the future, they were affecting my entire life. After that, I realized that the only way to truly escape the predicament was just as a mentor I knew put it: I had to face my vulnerability head-on, face my own darkness with honesty and dignity, and find my inner strength in the pain, grow up from within the predicament."

"Why keep revisiting old scars over and over?"

There was a trace of impatience and anger hidden in his slightly cold voice.

Yet Ning Youguang’s answer was firm and calm.

"Because my growth and I will not part ways until death."

The man sitting in the wheelchair quieted down again.

After a while, he slowly moved his fingers. "Can I smoke a cigarette?"

"Of course." Ning Youguang nodded. Then she glanced around the room, and finally her gaze stopped on the tightly drawn curtains. "But I’d like to open the window, if that’s okay?"

He hesitated for a moment, then nodded.

Ning Youguang got up and walked to the window.

She had just reached out to pull the curtains open when she realized that the thick black curtains in front of her were already slowly gliding apart to both sides.

[If the whole place is fully smart-home, you could’ve said so earlier?!]

Ning Youguang was speechless for a second, but the beautiful evening glow and sunset outside quickly healed that feeling.

As the thick curtains opened, the warm yellow light of the sky outside slowly poured into the room.

So brilliant it was mesmerizing.

"The sunset is so beautiful today." She stood in front of the window, gazing intoxicatedly at the sky outside.

It was the beginning of autumn.

But since coming to the capital, she’d discovered that when the weather here was good, you couldn’t feel any sign of summer leaving at all.

Bathed in that halo of light, she was dazzling to the point of being almost unreal. 1314