(Alnilam)

The pain and guilt have seeped into my heart and no matter what I try to do, they refuse to leave.

It’s been two months since she is gone.

My magic and my wolf want to reach out to Amaia, to seek that unconditional care she holds for me. To sleep in her lap and forget the world. But I do none of that. She already has four of them, keeping her busy and I don’t think I am worthy of being loved anymore.

I couldn’t protect Jamina, how will I protect Amaia? I am not worthy of a woman or a mate. My selfishness has taken one life and is hurting the other.

I can’t even look at Amaia, every time I do this delicate thread that holds us together aches immensely. Her scent makes it difficult for me to breathe. Snow has been extremely restless and I don’t even know what is going to happen to him.

We sense her being intimate with others. The bond between all six of us has grown so strong that we feel each other. Emotions, pain, and pleasure - we share everything through them.

I should end this with her so both of us can be free.

Again, that vain possessiveness that she somehow belongs to me too restrains me from taking that step.

I don’t even know what I am doing.

Every day, I try to spend some time near Jamina’s grave as if that will somehow wash away my sins.

It doesn’t.

Bending down, I place a pink rose on her grave. How she loved colours, I am not going to leave her under brown dirt.

"Forgive me, I failed you." My whisper is carried through the cold winds of December.

Straightening up, I just stare at her grave.

"Forgive yourself, Alnilam and try to move on. Your grief hurts the dead," Saiph’s controlled voice has me turning to look at him.

I take him in. Even he is better at being her mate than me.

"What do you know about grief?" My words are cutting. I don’t know what hurts most that he cares for her better than I ever did or that he is also mated to her.

"More than you think," he quietly says. His eyes always carry that cold rigidness and yet hold secrets none of us know.

"What do you want?" I turn away, boring my eyes into Jamina’s grave.

"You are hurting Amaia. Your grief feeds into her through the bond and she suffers. Her training is suffering. All of us feel her pain."

"Soon I will end this. I just need to persuade her," I say, turning to give him a cold glance.

Saiph blazes at my answer. The coldness in his eyes intensifies.

"You can’t. She needs you as much as she needs us. Her wings will not grow without you and she will never reach her full potential if one of her mates rejects her. There is a reason we are bound to her and have become her protector. So get your shit together and own her. Your ego is not bigger than her and she deserves better."

He gives me a whole lecture but the point he makes is something I hadn’t even considered.

"How can you say that? The point about her wings." I narrow my eyes on him, although deep down I know the truth. I have read it and Amaia told me her wings appeared when she mated with my brothers.

"They appeared when she mated with the twins and grew when I became intimate with her."

His words make Snow growl inside me with surging jealousy.

So her wings have grown. It only means what I fear. Amaia will need to mate with all of us. I already have a hint but Saiph has just confirmed it.

"I don’t think she has mated with Ezran. Why not? I have no answer, it’s their personal matter but at least he is not keeping her in pain. So make your decision because it affects her deeply and you are supposed to be her guardian."

I face away from Saiph and his judgmental eyes. No matter how harsh his words are, they carry the truth. I couldn’t reject Amaia now, no matter how much I disliked it, we were bound in this.

"I will and I am going to speak to Mama. It’s time she knows." This is going to make Saiph nervous.

"You can," is all Saiph says before pausing, "So all of us agreed on Guild Leo? They have the highest points and most chances of winning."

"Yes, I will inform them today."

We have made the decision to send Guild Leo to the Inter-Guild Wars. And now it is personal.

The Inter Guild Wars are going to be held in Istrale. We have to win, we have to defeat them at their home.

I have put my blood and sweat into training them, giving them all the tricks I know. I have faith in my brothers and Amaia.

Her resilience has always mesmerised me, pulled me towards her like a magnet. She can also be unpredictable which will be an advantage for us.

"Make your decision, Alnilam." Saiph moves away, leaving me with my thoughts again.

I need to visit mama and speak to her. As compared to my father she will understand me better and show empathy. The situation with Amaia is getting difficult and the more we delay, the more vulnerable all of us will become.

She needs to know that Amaia is mated to all five of us. Maybe she has a solution to this.

With a silent prayer, I throw a forlorn look at Jamina’s grave and head over to the palace. Sentinels guide me towards the garden where my mother is having tea.

"My light," she says with a warm smile but I can see it’s forced. Worries linger in her eyes. Quickly, she leaves her chair and hugs me.

"Mama, how are you?" I place a kiss on her cheek and sit down beside her.

"I am good."

"You look so thin. Have you been eating?" She questions, pouring cardamom tea into the tea cup and handing it to me.

"Yes!" I accept it from her. "Actually there is something I want to discuss with you and I need your advice."

She picks up her own cup and leans back in the chair.

"Go on."

So, I begin.