I once hid alone in the silent night, enduring grievances to seek compromise.

Ran Zhihan heard his husband’s words repeatedly. He felt that if he didn’t take this opportunity to act a bit haughty, how could he have a place to stand in this family in the future? Although having a footing wasn’t important to him, what mattered was whether he could be by his child’s side for a lifetime.

But at this moment, he suddenly felt that if he didn’t even have a place to stand, then what ability or qualification would he have to stay at home with his child? He didn’t want much, just to be able to accompany his child peacefully. Maybe for others, such a request wasn’t excessive, but for him, it was too luxurious to even consider—there’s simply no way for him to achieve it. If one day they really drove him out of the house, what would he do? How could he return to his child? No one has ever thought about his feelings as a mother; it’s always so selfish and self-serving.

Zhang Yichen seemed completely unaware of the expression on his wife’s face. At this moment, to some extent, their relationship was being undermined. The once loving couple’s life might eventually be eroded by mutual doubt, no matter how much love and trust they once had. Once someone interrupts a happy marriage, it can only tread the path of destruction.

"Zhihan, let’s go back together peacefully. Isn’t it great to witness our son’s growth together? Don’t stay angry; staying angry isn’t worth it. It harms your health and worries me. Surely you wouldn’t want me, your husband, to worry with you, right? You are so understanding; you should know what should and shouldn’t be done, how we should interact to make this marriage happier. I know I don’t trust you enough, but have you ever thought about how painful it was for me when that happened? I’m no Saint; I have emotions and cannot accept my wife having lingering ties with another man!"

"Stop it. Speaking so nicely, do you realize how much you hurt me when you did something wrong? You never thought about how painful it was for me, and you didn’t consider my feelings. So why bother saying these insincere words now? 𝓯𝓻𝒆𝙚𝒘𝓮𝙗𝓷𝒐𝓿𝙚𝒍.𝙘𝓸𝙢

Also, I never agreed to forgive you. Where do you get the idea that we would live happily ever after? You’ve admitted that you don’t trust me. Without trust between husband and wife, how do you think we can continue together? Think it through: if this marriage is to remain happy, what should we do?"

"I said, I didn’t mean to doubt you, but there are some things I can’t help but think about. I’m a man too; I have my pride. If I can’t even keep that, what’s the point of living in this world? Everyone thinks differently. All I want is to live a stable life as I wish. Why can’t you understand how painful it is for me?"

"Even now, you think I wronged you. Your own pain—didn’t your words cause mine? You’ve hurt my pride too, do you know that? I thought as long as I loved you enough, as long as I had the confidence to live with you forever, it would be enough. But I didn’t expect that no matter what I did, in your eyes, it was all just a daydream!

All my expectations of you have been exhausted by your mistrust. Do you think life without a happy marriage is meaningful? I don’t know why we should continue living together. Maybe you seek my forgiveness only to satisfy our child, but do you realize every word, every action is significant to me because I care about you? I even care about your thoughts!

Perhaps you can’t feel this concern since you’ve never cared for me like that, but do you know how much I care for you? I can give up everything for you, yet why can’t you be willing in your heart? I long so much for a day when we can live together peacefully. Maybe to you, this is all too luxurious, too difficult, but my heart is more in pain than yours, do you understand?"

"What do you want me to do to forgive me? This isn’t just my fault. Haven’t you ever considered if I would also be hurt by these things?

Have you ever thought about what kind of blow these things would bring me? You are always so self-righteous and self-centered, never considering my feelings. I’m a living person too! I also get headaches sometimes. I feel like my nerves are tangled, slowly feeling like my whole head is about to split. You’ve never felt exhausted from work, mind and body. I have everything ready at home for you; all you need to do is stay home safely with the child. Yet you went out and did such things to hurt me. I really don’t want to bring up the past anymore. I just want the past to be gone with the wind and never return. But you? You keep rubbing salt in my wounds, never truly trusting me, never genuinely wanting to live with me. Maybe you don’t care, but I care about our marriage, I care if our child can happily receive love from both parents.

You, more than anyone, should understand that I was a child without parental love. Everything I have today was fought for by myself. I don’t want my son to endure such hardship because of this. But you’ll never understand how much a father hopes for his child’s happiness, what it means to live joyfully. I’ve sacrificed too much for this family; I just hope everyone in this house lives a good life without worrying about food or clothes. But have you ever thought about why I put in so much effort? What is it for?

Whether you forgive me or not, at least for the sake of our child, don’t let this hard-won marriage be destroyed..."

I love going to the seaside, but you never took me to see it. I’ve grown accustomed to the darkness of the night alone. Solitary loneliness accompanied only by cigarettes, the taste of this pain is unbearable!