Beers and Beards-Chapter 69Book 4, : A Beeautiful Journey

A spiritual journey is something deeply personal. It touches on your past, your future, your present; who you are at the deepest core of your being. And it is a completely unforgettable experience.

Which is why I will likely spend the rest of my life desperately trying to forget it. The lights. The looming shapes in the radioactive darkness. The regrets.

Waaaaaay too many regrets.

Too many nights spent partying when I should’ve been studying.

Too many diet cokes. Was that what’d caused my brain cancer? Maybe the microplastics? Who could say? The Gods, maybe, but they weren’t talking, even with whatever the Nether was in that drink.

Could I’ve been a better father?

Would I be a better father? I was still young for a dwarf.

I liked Mirelda. She reminded me of Caroline in all the right ways. I clearly had a type. Curly haired women with a sassy streak who laughed at my jokes.

I loved my new family.

We really had to get Penelope on a diet.

I needed to go on a diet. We all did. Aqua was right; Bran was turning us into a clan of bearded spheres.

All those thoughts and more passed through my mind as I swept through the universe and became one with the id.

I was intimately familiar with the phrase truth in alcohol, but this was completely ridiculous.

—

I woke up some time later. It couldn’t have been too long, because I was propped up on the table in the dining hall. A worried Aqua was laying cold compresses on my forehead while Isen paced back and forth and Alba and the kids sat on the chairs looking bored.

I opened my eyes blearily; my mouth felt like a dozen cats had been using it as a litter box for a week. I tested my tongue and found a slug there instead. Strange…

“I think he’s waking up!” Aqua said, her voice coming from a hundred miles away.

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the ornate bottle of Spiritual Nectar lying on the table beside me. I shoved it away with a groan. I never wanted to touch the stuff ever again!

Aqua’s face swam into focus, hovering over me like a blue angel. I could see her in perfect clarity. Every flaw. Every perfection and imperfection. “Any dwarf would be lucky ta have you, Aqua,” I whispered. “It’s not that they leave you, but that yer afraid of losin’ everyone again, so you don’t commit.”

“He’s mumbling nonsense. Looks like he needs to get knocked out again,” Aqua growled, raising a gauntleted fist.

And then that perfect clarity was gone, a notification and a pounding headache in its place.

*Bing!*

Milestone Gained!

Going on a Spiritual Journey has granted you the ability to choose a Milestone!

Please accept one of the following:

Possible Milestone: [Iron Liver]!

Lightweight. Just one drink and you’re out? This Ability will help you last longer.

Increases your Vitality by 8 for the purposes of resisting the effects of Alcohol.

This Ability is always available.

Accept [Iron Liver]?

Yes/No

Possible Milestone: [Lesser Soulsight]!

You have looked into the depths of your own spirit, so why not view the Spirit of others? Grants a limited version of Soulsight that can be used on a single target at a time.

You can use this Ability once per minute.

Accept [Lesser Soulsight]?

Yes/No

Possible Milestone: [Staunch Bleeding]!

No small scratch will stop you! You can staunch your wounds and prevent them from bleeding further.

You can use this Ability once per hour.

Accept [Staunch Bleeding]?

Yes/No

Possible Milestone: [Lesser Spiritual Regeneration]!

Sometimes too much spirits can damage the spirit. Wounds to the soul heal with time, but who has time for that?

This Ability is always available.

Accept [Lesser Spiritual Regeneration]?

Yes/No

“*Ugh*,” I groaned as another splitting headache hit me. Was this ‘wounds to the soul’ I was feeling? Gods! It hurt! “Oy, Isen, what’s the Milestone that’s needed fer [Shamans]?”

Isen rushed over. “It’s [Lesser Soulsight]. Did you get it!”

I nodded mutely, and immediately regretted it.

My face must’ve shown it, as Aqua shrieked, “I think he’s gonna puke! Not on the dining room table, Pete! Quick! Get a bowl from the kitchen!”

“Shaaaaddup,” I groaned. “It’s fine. I have [Spot Clean].”

“Just because it’s clean doesn’t mean I wouldn’t know,” she shot back.

Fair.

“Why does it hurt so much??” I gasped.

“Likely Spiritual damage. It will heal over time. A [Hypnotist] can help repair it faster. But the scars it leaves are part of what make a [Shaman],” Isen said with a tone of reverence.

“Not a [Shaman]. Don’t want to be a [Shaman]. Is the Ability useful?”

“Only to people with the Abilities to back it up. It can see past certain Invisibility Abilities, and has some use in Magic too.”

My [Map] could already see invisible things, and I seriously doubted I’d be studying Spirit magic any time soon.

Love this novel? Read it on novelbuddy to ensure the author gets credit.

I looked back up at Aqua, remembering how Spiritual damage had essentially destroyed her father. And how hard she was working to cure him.

And firmly selected [Lesser Spiritual Regeneration].

I immediately felt the effects, as my head began to slowly cool. My shoulders slumped as I relaxed back onto the table. Which lasted for half a second before Isen came and shook me again. “The ingredients!! Did you get the ingredients!!!”

I closed my eyes to slow the world down, and activated my [Discerning Palate].

*Bing!*

Discerning Palate: Peter Roughtuff

Maker: Senior Shaman Anita Bath

Origin: Central Plains of Northern Erden

Ingredients: Firetongue, Hive Honey, Hive Royal Jelly, Fortified Desert Rose Root

“Looks like we were right about the Firetongue,” I murmured. “It worked.”

Isen grabbed my hand, tears streaming down his face. He collapsed to his knees, blubbering. “Thank you!”

“One problem though. It doesn’t list the steps for actually making it. But based on the ABV and balance, I think it may be a honey jack.”

Isen frowned. “Honey… jack?”

“It's a type of brandy. Jacking is a form of distilling, except by freezing instead of heat. You bring the alcohol down to freezing and skim the frozen ice water off the top, while the alcohol stays behind. There’s a similar drink called Apple Jack using cider.” I laughed. “My daughter used to love a show – a story, I guess – with a character called that. I always considered it hilarious that a cute girls character was named after hard alcohol.”

“I know the process, I’ve done something similar before. So… what was in it?” Alba quickly grabbed a notepad and took down the ingredients as I listed them off. “Royal Jelly? And desert rose roots? I understand the Royal Jelly, that's our missing Mana booster – you were right, Pete – but why the root?”

“Says the beastess who pioneered bug mead.” Isen wheezed.

“Actually, it sounds almost exactly like iqhilika,” I said, sitting up again. I winced, but the pain almost immediately died back down. “That’s a type of mead from my world, a traditional variety from a place called Xhosa in Africa. They made it using the roots of the desert rose succulent and either pollen or royal jelly. It’s somewhat famous in mead circles.”

“And it’ll be easy to get, but the Royal Jelly is a problem. We don’t have any, and it’s a rare ingredient to begin with.” Alba sighed. “And you don’t know the proportions, so we’re going to need a lot to test with.”

“Hmm… I think Val’s still at Hive dungeon?” I hazarded. “We could ask him?”

“I’ll go grab the Commstone he left us!” Aqua shouted, running off.

“We’ll need to make about a dozen or so batches of different proportions, then try them out one at a time. Hopefully they don’t need to be exact in order to get the effect we want,” Alba muttered, biting at her claws.

“It should be fine. No mead is ever the exact same as any other mead,” I said, patting Isen on his quivering shoulders. The old beastfolk looked like he’d aged a dozen years, and he already looked old. “Give me a bit of time to get my bearings back and we’ll get right on it.”

To my surprise, Isen shook his head as he rose to stand on shaking knees. “No. You’ve already done so much for us Lord Roughtuff. You were an answer to our prayers, but now it’s our responsibility to finish. I know you were hoping to have a vacation in Grandia, and you should take it.”

I stared at him, mouth agape. “You don’t… need me anymore?” 𝘧𝓇𝑒𝑒𝑤ℯ𝑏𝓃𝘰𝑣ℯ𝘭.𝘤ℴ𝘮

“I didn’t say that. But you said it yourself, Alba and our meadmakers are quite competent and know what they’re doing. And it won’t just be those three, we’ll put every [Mystic] we have on the project. Let them finish what their forefathers started. You’ve given them the key, let them turn it themselves.”

I looked at Alba, who was nose deep in her notebook making calculations, and Adrian who was running adjunct percentages past Livia, and deflated. “Okay. I guess I can see that. But at least let me help with gettin’ the ingredients. And ask for advice if you need it, I’m fine with bein’ a consultant.”

“Of course!” Isen patted me on the shoulder. “Especially since I have no idea how we’ll get Royal Jelly in the first place!”

Alba and I spent the time discussing various – nyuck – Jacking techniques until Aqua came rushing back, breathless, her eyes wide as saucers.

“Val says he’s already on the way back, but that he has a surprise for you that may solve the problem,” she gasped.

“A surprise?”

“He says – “ Aqua stopped for a second to catch her breath.

I waited a tick, then blurted. “He SAYS…???”

Aqua grinned up at me. “He says that the beedles didn’t need to defeat any of the bosses of their dungeon. Their Queen already was the boss, and she’s agreed to be your ally. Her name is… Hen-bee-eta? He thinks you’ll be able to summon her with [Fetch Monster] and ask her for all the royal jelly and honey you need.”

I gawped.

The beastfolk gawped.

Penelope gawped from where she was trying to use her horn to get at the bottle of Spiritual Nectar lying on the table.

“Don’t let her drink from that!” I roared.

*Baaahhh!!* [Translated from Prima Donna Goat] “But it’s in a bottle fit for a queen!”

—

Unlike the last time, I didn’t walk out into Cascadia to summon my new monster ally. There were way too many adventuring parties running around right now, and I didn’t want to chance my new bee-st friend getting overwhelmed. We set up in the clan training grounds beneath the inn instead; the wide space was hopefully big enough to fit the queen bee of Hive.

Heh. Bee-st friend. Henbee-etta. Un-bee-lievable! Bees were the pun that just kept giving!

“The boss of Hive dungeon?” Starshine asked, from where she was setting up a perimeter with the rest of Brighstar.

“Yup.”

“And she’s named Henbee-etta?” Aishablue asked incredulously.

Flowerpott barked a peal of laughter, before being silenced by a glare from Raysdotter.

“Queen of the beedles? I’m surprised she wasn’t named Elizabeeth!” I grinned.

Starshine shrugged. “Whatever, I’m immune to being surprised about anything anymore. I just hope this goes as you seem to expect. I’m not sure my team is ready for the boss bee of Hive. That needs an entire company, and the right space and preparation.”

I nodded. “As long as you can hold her off for even a moment I can just immediately unsummon her if it's unsafe. And I honestly don’t think she’s allowed to hurt me? Every monster summoning Ability includes a failsafe for that, I had Richter check.”

“If you say so. Formation eight everyone!”

I stepped back from the center of the arena and intoned, “Your majesty of Hive, Queen of the beedles, I choose you! [Fetch Monster]!”

With a crack of energy, and a shudder of the Erd, the Queen of Hive appeared in the center of the room.

She was twice the size of a human, at least four meters tall including the pair of antenna quivering atop her head. The queen of the bee-dles lived up to her name, with a carapace on her back that flicked open to reveal two beetle-like wings while a wicked horn sprouted from her forehead like the world’s largest atlas beetle.

Unlike a bee, she looked like some tumblr artist's idea of an anthropomorphic bee-beetle. Or like a bee version of Black Arachnia from Transformers – Gods, I’d loved that show. She stood upright, on two long sleek black legs that were straight out of a Sear’s catalog. The joints of her knees and her ‘waist’ had frilly red lace-like ornamentations, and the tips of her toes looked like sharp stiletto shoes. A bulbous abdomen hung from her ‘butt’ complete with a cruel stinger easily the length of my hand.

Her middle ‘legs’ were actually a pair of arms tipped in dainty fingers held crossed over her humanoid body in a queenly fashion. Black and yellow fur covered her body in a tank top and red skirt ensemble that looked both disturbingly sexy and regal at the same time. Her face was a black humanoid mask, with full lips inset with mandible-like teeth and a pair of beady compound eyes. Her upper arms were held in a relaxed posture at her side.

Her gaze swept over the room, and I felt a sudden fawning love for this long-legged, golden-furred Goddess.

My Queen!

*Bing!*

Milestone Used

[Unbending] has prevented [Royal Adoration].

Agh! Not my Queen! Was that an attack or just a passive?? Should I unsummon her? But she wasn’t doing anything, just spinning around in a circle, her antenna twitching curiously. Eventually her attention landed on me, and she began to buzz in a way that my Abilities read as English with a heavy Spanish accent.

She looked like a gigantic anthro flamenco dancer, so, of course.

“Are you the one called the Rough and Tuff?”

I pointed at myself. “Me? Um… Aye?”

“Mmm… adequate. Very well, I will begin my royal tour immediamente.” She ticked her chin up in a decidedly queenlike fashion.

I blinked. Dammit Val! “... your what?”