Chapter 957: Chapter 750: Terrifying Thoughts (Part 2)

He quickly continued: "Looking back now... with Fangfang... I feel there’s a lot I feel guilty about."

Before Nan Zhubin could press further, Chen Lizhou, as if being chased by something and eager to vent, swiftly said: "I’ve been in sales for so many years, used to seeing how people’s thoughts are hidden, and have gotten used to putting interests first in everything."

"Sometimes, I even apply this thinking to our marriage... using the ways of dealing with clients to figure out Fangfang."

At this point, Chen Lizhou paused.

"It’s not just that."

"For work, to close deals, and to entertain clients, I often drink until late at night... Sometimes clients drag me to messy places, and I also voluntarily take them there."

"A few times, I almost did things that would betray her... No, maybe it’s already considered betrayal."

Chen Lizhou looked at Nan Zhubin, not avoiding eye contact.

"Some of these things... happened when I first stayed in Beidu, in a different city, and a few times after we got married."

"It wasn’t until we had a daughter and my resources improved, and I no longer had to harm my body to entertain clients, that I finally stopped."

"These things make me feel guilty towards Fangfang..." Chen Lizhou opened his mouth.

"But... there’s also grievance and dissatisfaction."

These are two completely opposite and conflicting emotions.

Nan Zhubin maintained the posture of a listener, nodding gently.

Letting Chen Lizhou continue to speak.

"I feel I’ve done well already, I work hard to support the family, even if I’ve had bad thoughts, I never actually did anything to betray her, I’ve been very restrained—these can serve as proof, proof that I’ve given a lot for this family, for her."

"So... when she said she wanted to go back to her hometown, I felt... she was denying me."

Chen Lizhou suddenly widened his eyes, his facial expression once again showing signs of collapse.

"I feel... she was denying all my efforts, denying everything I’ve given to this family, denying all these years of persistence."

This is the moment to pause.

...

From a self-exploration perspective, Chen Lizhou shared many new things, revealing many new conflicts.

He also displayed many new triggers of [Dissociation].

For example, the current [self-denial] and [self-justification].

From the recent narrative, Chen Lizhou feels "selfish" and "sorry towards his wife" internally.

Thus he feels guilty.

But at the same time, he feels wronged for his contributions.

These conflicting emotions have long been suppressed deep inside, unable to find relief. As it stands, these emotions will greatly impact Chen Lizhou’s mental bearing.

Which would then lead to [Dissociation].

In past consultations, Chen Lizhou never mentioned this; from his own account, he hasn’t thought about it for a long time; even when he recently recalled it, he consciously felt "unable to bear it."

Thus, Nan Zhubin needs to help Chen Lizhou confront this conflict, rather than escape through [Dissociation].

...

Nan Zhubin leaned forward slightly, locking eyes with Chen Lizhou, engaging eye contact.

This allows the visitor to directly feel the safety of being "noticed and accompanied."

"Let’s take a break here for a moment."

Chen Lizhou was taken aback, feeling he was just getting into it.

But in Nan Zhubin’s eyes, the other party was slipping into an unfathomable depth.

As a consultant, he needs to stabilize the visitor’s state.

"Let’s take a deep breath. Come, follow my rhythm."

"Inhale—exhale—very good, once more."

"Inhale—exhale—"

Watching as the fluctuating elements on the person’s face gradually stabilized, yet without hardening as if covered by a mask.

Nan Zhubin asked: "How do you feel now?"

Chen Lizhou was startled, as if he suddenly realized something.

"Sorry, Teacher Nan." Chen Lizhou gently shook his head, "I... couldn’t control myself. Whenever I think of these things, I become strange. That’s why I told you I couldn’t recall these alone..."

Nan Zhubin gently waved his hand to indicate no need for an apology.

"That’s the role I need to play, and I’m glad to keep you in the present of our conversation."

Nan Zhubin gently opened his hand, indicating: "Do you think we can continue?"

He handed the decision to the visitor. Although there were gains, it shouldn’t be rushed.

Chen Lizhou lowered his eyes, experienced a slight self-reflection, and nodded.

"Where did I get to?"

Nan Zhubin reminded: "You felt that your wife’s request to return to her hometown was denying you."

"...Yes."

Chen Lizhou pursed his lips.

The conversation was redirected for the second time.

"With this thought, I became increasingly unwilling to talk to her. Our lives together... also became more bland, as plain as water."

"Sometimes we only say what’s necessary and related to life the whole day."

Chen Lizhou said: "From that time, I focused on work. Didn’t I tell you before that I often worked overtime, and then while working overtime, felt the ’unreality around me’?"

Nan Zhubin nodded.

"That’s when it started." 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝙚𝙬𝓮𝙗𝒏𝙤𝒗𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝒐𝓶

"And when the workload became normal, I felt life after coming home became very... routine."

Chen Lizhou said softly: "After finishing work, I come home, she’s already made dinner, so we eat; after eating, she tidies up, helps the child with homework, and I go to the study to handle work."

"We don’t disturb each other."

"In this situation... I..." Chen Lizhou’s voice began to tremble again, making it hard to complete the next sentence, "I..."

Nan Zhubin opened his mouth, but then closed it.

This time he did not intervene, letting Chen Lizhou wrestle with his inner self.

After two breaths, Chen Lizhou forced out: "I... had thoughts of divorce."

After saying this sentence, Chen Lizhou seemed to have consumed a great deal of energy, showing exhaustion.

"I feel this kind of life... doesn’t make sense. I’ve given so much, yet cannot gain her understanding and recognition. The pressure this family gives me far exceeds the joy it provides..."

Chen Lizhou gently shook his head: "But it’s just a thought, just a fleeting idea. I can’t bear to part with the children, nor... nor this decade-long relationship."

Chen Lizhou exhaled deeply.

"I know, Fangfang is a competent wife, even a perfect one."

Chen Lizhou’s gaze softened a bit: "She works regularly, so she comes home regularly too. Even when there are gatherings with friends or colleagues, she always comes home on time to take care of the kids, and take care of... me."

"Many colleagues complained about their wives giving them anxiety, but I never had that problem."

Chen Lizhou kept saying: "Fangfang raised the child single-handedly, never using a nanny, saying she doesn’t feel at ease; never calling our parents to help, saying she’s afraid of troubling them, more so afraid of generating conflicts, fearing I’d be caught in the middle."

"So on one hand, I feel life is too bland. On the other hand, I feel neither of us made mistakes bad enough to lead to unreconcilable ends."

"Sometimes I’m troubled, wanting change, but unable to change."

"Until..."

Upon reaching here, Chen Lizhou swallowed.

"Until... when she left."

As if facing something terrifying, Chen Lizhou suddenly bent over. He pressed on his abdomen, not for [Dissociation Blockade] this time, but as if something inside him was fiercely impacting him.

"At that time... I had a terrible thought."

"It was just a moment, came and went." Chen Lizhou’s voice began to tremble, "But it really appeared."

"I felt... from now on, I don’t have to worry anymore."