Chapter 958: Chapter 751: The Love Between Partners

After saying those words, Chen Lizhou curled up on the sofa, clutching his head with both hands.

He seemed unable to narrate anymore.

However, such intense physical reaction was not a negative sign in Nan Zhubin’s eyes.

This was an emotional outburst.

A [Personality Dissociation] emotional outburst.

Quite precious indeed.

After confirming that the visitor’s thoughts hadn’t further slipped downwards, Nan Zhubin acted as if he didn’t quite hear clearly and asked the visitor:

"No more worrying?" Nan Zhubin deliberately used a tone of confusion, "What is it that you don’t need to worry about anymore?"

Chen Lizhou’s shoulders trembled: "It’s... not needing to worry about those things anymore."

Chen Lizhou took a deep breath: "When my wife... left, I was working late. Everything happened so suddenly. It was her colleague who used her phone to call me."

"... Yet I didn’t answer."

"During that period, I was really troubled. Sometimes, I would deliberately use work as an excuse not to talk to her. I thought her call was just to talk about trivial matters..."

"I stayed at the company very late until a call from the hospital came... saying she was gone."

Chen Lizhou looked up: "At that moment... my first thought was that I would never again need to make excuses not to answer the phone. Also... no more struggling over such issues, no longer thinking about whether to divorce, whether to continue..."

In Nan Zhubin’s eyes, Chen Lizhou’s shoulders suddenly shook.

"Teacher Nan... can you believe it? When my wife left, my child was thinking about how she cared for them before; my parents-in-law were reminiscing about her playful, joyful moments from her childhood; even my parents were reminiscing about when she first came home with me, how understanding and kindly she was."

"They were crying uncontrollably, whether at the hospital, at home, or at the funeral parlor."

"Even her former students were thinking about her kindly and tirelessly imparting knowledge."

"And I..."

Chen Lizhou pulled his mouth down forcefully facing Nan Zhubin.

"And I... even in front of the mirror, doing this gesture, couldn’t cry."

"The thought in my heart was, unexpectedly, this... this kind of ’without a wife, there’s no more worry, life’s easier’ thought..."

"It’s really... filthy... ah."

...

Chen Lizhou’s shoulders trembled violently.

Nan Zhubin paused for five breaths, waiting until he was sure Chen Lizhou could hear his voice, and then asked: "These... you couldn’t recall before. It was only until your wife’s students reminded you that you could finally remember, right?"

"... Yes." Chen Lizhou replied.

Nan Zhubin let out a long sigh of relief in his heart.

This was the critical turning point he was looking for as a consultant.

The complete thread of Chen Lizhou’s [Personality Dissociation] finally unfolded before his eyes.

The core of Chen Lizhou’s personality dissociation was long-term psychological burnout and emotional suppression manifesting concretely.

Firstly, it involved the long-term accumulation of conflicting emotions. Chen Lizhou felt deep guilt for having neglected his wife’s needs, considered divorce, and even entertained thoughts that crossed boundaries, alongside being misunderstood and unappreciated despite his hard work.

The tug-of-war between these extreme emotions couldn’t be reconciled, and he was accustomed to hiding emotions and bearing them alone, without a true release, eventually exceeding his psychological endurance limit.

Secondly, was the ongoing impact of Chen Lizhou’s cognitive bias. He centered his understanding of "scrambling to root in Beidu, earning and supporting the family" as equating to love for his wife, yet overlooked his wife’s real need "to return home and pursue a relaxed life", misinterpreting her demands as "ignorance and unthankfulness".

This cognitive bias intensified the estrangement in their marital life, and it exacerbated Chen Lizhou’s internal conflict as well.

Thirdly, was Chen Lizhou’s fixation on unfinished inner matters. Despite having cognitive biases, deep down in his subconscious, Chen Lizhou clearly also realized his thoughts were wrong, and this realization led to feelings of guilt — as shown in his previous narrations.

But the sudden tragedy of his wife’s passing deprived Chen Lizhou of the chance to bridge the gap, offer a sincere apology, or explain the knots of his heart. Especially the regret of not answering the last call and the fleeting ’relief’ thought upon her departure plunged him into extreme self-denial.

At this point, [Personality Dissociation] became his defense mechanism for escaping this pain and self-blame.

It also became an inevitability.

Nan Zhubin nodded inwardly.

Such complex causes were indeed more reasonable compared to Chen Lizhou’s previous demonstration of "excessive grief over wife’s passing lead to [Dissociation] into [Personality Dissociation]" record.

And the core of Chen Lizhou’s previous inability to recall these details was also the defensive mechanism of [Personality Dissociation] at work.

He subconsciously suppressed all the memories related to his wife that might evoke pain, including her mentioned desire to return home, thus reducing his psychological burnout.

Under this mechanism’s effect, Chen Lizhou rigidly maintained the remaining stability of the family and the normal operation of work.

Until a few days ago, Chen Lizhou, chatting with his wife’s students from when she was alive, heard them mention "wife repeatedly expressed desire to return home."

This became the key to breaking the repression.

Chen Lizhou’s "peaceful life" he maintained to protect himself, was shattered.

Even in this circumstance, Chen Lizhou still had to keep life steady and exert great effort to prevent himself from recalling.

However, the human body is indeed marvelous, and the subconscious power inside Chen Lizhou’s body isn’t single-faceted.