The Legend of William Oh-Chapter 142: Kill’em With Kindness

Anna poked Will in the cheek, causing his eyes to snap open.

With three big blinks, he was awake and aware. The caravan had cut its way into the Wyrd Stronghold’s clearing, and about twenty feet inside the clearing was the welcome party.

Beyond them, a massive stone wall jutted out of the grass, an impressive hundred feet tall. The sort of thing you could sit and stare at…if one were so inclined.

Stifling a yawn, Will pushed himself out of Anna’s lap and hopped off the wagon, heading towards the front with Loth.

She was wearing her new modified Cuirass of the Cruel Tyrant, so Will wasn’t too worried about an ambush. She could soak an absurd amount of damage, and in doing so, would boost the stats of all of her allies.

Will peered at the figures ahead of them as he matched Loth’s pace.

There were some obvious bureaucrats, men with ledgers, ink stains on their fingers, myopic vision and weak shoulder muscles.

The figures at the center were both familiar and unknown. One was Mark Wyrd, watching Will with intense focus. The other was a woman with dusky skin who bore a passing resemblance to Nephir Akul. She had the same ink stains as the others, but the way she carried herself felt much more dangerous to Will.

The bureaucrats had a hyperawareness of both the approaching caravan and the jungle beyond. A behavior that told Will flat-out that they were weak enough to fear what was out there.

She seemed completely at ease at an approaching army of Climbers.

Interesting.

The woman took a step forward and gave a graceful bow.

“Welcome to the Wyrd Stronghold.” She said, her voice cutting through the silence. “My name is Amanda Akul, the wife of Mark Wyrd. It is an honor to receive a celebrity such as yourself.”

Will snapped his fingers. “That’s who you remind me of!” he exclaimed. Will had heard the baron mention a daughter…shortly before exploding.

“I bid you welcome you to our stronghold.” Amanda said, motioning behind them. “It isn’t much but any respite from the constant threat of the jungle is a blessing.”

Our Stronghold? Will thought.

Amanda glanced past them, her gaze lingering on several identical Anna’s and Ria’s before returning to Will.

“You are Wiliam Oh?” She asked.

Loth nudged Will’s wrist, slipping him the box with the gauntlets.

“That’s correct.” Will said, taking the box and stepping forward. “Here is small bribe, as a gesture of goodwill.” He placed the box into the Akul scion’s hands.

“Gift,” Loth corrected quietly.

“But it’s a bribe?” Will asked, glancing down at Loth.

Amanda’s lips twitched in a barely suppressed smile as she opened the box and inspected the Relic.

The faint smile slipped off her face.

Gauntlets of Bloody Rejuvenation

+8 Resistance

+8 Focus

+5 Strength

+12% Thorns

4% Lifesteal

A small amount of lifesteal above what is required to completely heal the wielder is stored to be used on future wounds.

“How did you get lifesteal on a pair of gauntlets?” She asked, handing the box to Mark Wyrd, who gave a similar wide-eyed expression as he inspected the Relic.

“We found a pair of Gauntlets with good Thorns damage and had a crafter in Akul add the lifesteal affix.” Loth answered.

“Ah. Shame it isn’t a natural affix. Still, it’s an outstanding…gift.”

Will glanced past Amanda at Mark, who was studying the gauntlets with a pensive frown.

“Why hasn’t he said anything?” Will asked.

“…Greetings,” Mark Wyrd said, a tone of barely suppressed pettiness coloring his voice.

Ah. Will’s eyes narrowed.

“I decided that I was better suited to handling diplomatic matters,” Amanda said, moving to stand between the two of them. “Especially after the…tension between you and his father.”

Will cocked his head.

“You decided?”

Amanda took a step back and ruffled her taller husband’s hair in an overly familiar way, causing the rugged Thorns Tank to turn beet red.

“We make all our decisions together, but admittedly, this was a bit more me than him. We’ve been married since we were twelve, you know. Ten years now, actually!”

“We should do something to celebrate-” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed her husband’s red cheek as Mark silently glared daggers at Will.

“Now let’s not stand around forever, we need to get your caravan sorted before dark. This way to the entrance!” She stepped away and motioned for them to follow her. “Come along, Mark,” She chided her husband gently, causing the nigh-unkillable Thorns-Tank to blush more, and follow along behind her with his head hanging down.

“…I like her.” Loth said.

Will raised a brow.

“It’s an act, obviously,” Loth said, “Designed to defuse tension. But it’s her act, not Mark’s. Which, in and of itself, implies that some of what she said is the truth.”

“Right this way!” Amanda Akul hollered, waving back at them. “The entrance is around the moat to the south side!

“Is Travis handled?” Will asked.

“He’s gotten crippling ‘food poisoning’, if that’s what you’re wondering.” Loth replied. “He shouldn’t be in any condition to do anything stupid for at least a couple days.”

“Alright, let’s do this,” Will muttered, rolling his shoulders before motioning for the caravan to follow him.

The next few hours were the most tense Will had experienced in recent memory. Despite the grand welcome and hospitality, everything felt as though it were an instant away from catching fire.

Anna was pale and trembling, Bee and Ria both looked like they were going to start a fight, and Jean was mortified, her fingers shaking as her body seemed to revolve between rage and fear.

When June stepped away from the dinner table, was that to stop a heist, prevent Travis from causing trouble, perform her own heist, or just to use the bathroom?

Did Reggie eat so fast because he was trying to get in position for combat…or was it because he was Reggie?

What About Mark’s minions, entering and leaving constantly?

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

One by one, everyone excused themselves, until it was just Will, Mark and Amanda.

“Sorry, we don’t have the money to bring servants all the way up here,” Amanda said, gathering everyone’s dishes and taking them to the kitchen, leaving just Will and Mark alone in the room.

“…I want this to go smoothly,” Mark said, leaning his chin on his knuckles. “If we fight here, we’ll cripple both of our Strongholds…at least.”

“…I want everything to go smoothly too.” Will said with a shrug.

“Then why are you so tense? You look like you’re a hair’s breadth from jumping across the table and trying to kill me.”

“Because a good chunk of my caravan has…history with the Wyrd family.”

Even Will had some. Mark had almost killed Loth, after all.

Although Will had vented most of his anger when they fought on the 4th Floor.

“I see…” Mark mused.

“How many of them are left?” Will asked.

“How many of what?”

“How many of the handlers who tortured young Climbers into Tangled, lobotomized them, and used charm Abilities to control them…are still alive?” Will asked.

“…Most of them.” Mark said.

“Why?”

“Because they’re assets. Valuable ones. You don’t destroy an axe because its prior owner used it poorly. They use their Charm Abilities to keep monsters away from the Stronghold, or pull them in to be harvested. They produce value for this Stronghold.”

“I have it on good authority that several of them enjoyed their time under your father.” Will said.

“I can assure you that nothing like what my father did is happening now.”

“It just seems odd that you’re offering these people sanctuary, when it would be in your best interest to mend bridges with other Lords by distancing yourself as far as possible from the Tangled experiments as possible. I know you’re not particularly squeamish. You’ve got half the Tangled pipeline lingering around, ready to start back up any time you want. You can see how other Lords might take that, right?”

Mark opened his mouth to answer.

“…Are you and your father immune to Charm Abilities, Mark?” Will asked. “Or in the relentless pursuit for the perfect Thorns Build, did you neglect mind control? What’s your Focus at?”

Mark’s jaw snapped shut.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about the fight with Frederick Wyrd,” Will continued. “How his Build worked, what the weaknesses might’ve been. Sure you can’t punch him to death, your head would explode, but it’s not like all mind-affecting Abilities cause damage. Would Thorns even detect it as damage? Could someone have used him like a puppet without triggering Thorns? Food for thought. There are more ways to win than simple violence.”

Mark froze for a nearly imperceptible moment before recovering, seeming to have realized something.

Mark looked Will up and down. “You know, I think we could scratch each other’s backs here. How does a permanent zero percent throughfare tax in exchange for a favor sound?”

“Make it three percent for three years.” Will said.

Mark frowned. “Why!?”

“Because if it was zero forever, some other Lords would get the bright idea to use my name as an umbrella to shield themselves from tax, say, pay me three percent to deliver their goods to them… This would eventually cause a problem between us because your Stronghold would slowly wither as tax revenue dried up. You would be forced to aggressively renege on the deal, creating bad blood between you and other Lords.”

Mark stared at him for a solid minute.

“Loth’s been teaching me about statecraft.” Will explained.

“…I can’t believe you’d haggle yourself up,” Mark said, palming his forehead. “Fine. Three for three years.”

“Whaddya need?” Will asked.

“What’s your Focus?” Mark asked. It was a rude question, especially given the topic of conversation, but Will had the feeling this was genuinely going somewhere.

“Right now? One-thirty-two,” Will replied, fairly confident that it wouldn’t be easily broken through even if someone knew the total.

“One-thirty…how the-you know what, nevermind. That’s plenty.”

“So whaddya need?” Will asked.

“I need you to-“

“Dessert!” Amanda said, bringing in a tray of what looked like glazed doughnuts.

Mark’s mouth snapped shut, and he glanced at Will, shaking his head so minutely that Will almost thought he imagined it.

“Try the pastries,” Amanda said, offering them to Will. “Most of the ingredients are from outside our Floor, but there’s plant we grow in the jungle, with a floral, slightly sweet sap, and if you boil it down, you can make a fantastic glaze out of it.”

Will had to admit, they were good doughnuts.

“Exotic teas and spices are one of our biggest exports, actually.” Mark said, smiling up at his wife. “You know, I’d love to show off to Will with some of our tea, do you think…”

“Oh, of course!” Amanda said with a beaming smile. “I’m so happy to see you two finally relaxing.”

She turned and left the room again, her footfalls disappearing around the corner.

Mark stood up and walked around the table to lean down beside will’s ear, cupping his hand around it to protect from superhuman hearing.

“I’m gonna…stir some shit up. I need you to stalk my wife. You’ll know what to do after that.”

Will raised an eyebrow. His first instinct was to refuse. A blunt ‘stalk your own wife!’ came to mind. But mending relationships between the Wyrd Stronghold and the Oh Stronghold was a high priority for Will.

That and paying 2% less throughfare tax for three years would save them a ton of money while they constructed and staffed Will’s Stronghold.

Will gave a slight nod.

“Excellent,” Mark said, returning to his side of the table. “You got an extra change of clothes?”

Will frowned, and nodded again.

“YOU SONOFABITCH!” Mark Wyrd shouted at the top of his lungs, overturning the table, sending pasties and juice splattering all over Will’s chest.

“Don’t you DARE suggest anything of the sort!” Mark shouted while Will looked down at the food on his shirt, bemused.

“GET OUT! And take your caravan with you before I burn it to the ground!”

Will played along, shouting back about Mark’s failings as a leader and strongly implying that Will would personally see to the Stronghold’s downfall.

Amanda arrived a few seconds later at a dead sprint, forcing herself between the two of them, trying her best to calm them both down, but Will scraped some of the food off his shirt and flicked it into Mark’s eye, causing the Thorn Tank to nearly bowl her over to get at Will.

After a few seconds of this posturing, Will stalked off with a parting insult before the mean comments actually got his blood up.

Reggie was sitting within earshot of the dining room, a doughnut halfway to his face, frozen in fear.

“What…was that?” Reggie asked, his expression pale, half-eaten doughnut hanging near his mouth.

“Nothin’. Tell Loth and June I want them to round everybody up and get them ready to leave. Right now.” Will said, wiping the last of the gunk off his clothes and soaking up some of the liquid with one of the tapestries hanging along the stone hallway.

“Hey, what’s that?” Will asked, pointing towards the end of the hall.

Reggie glanced over and Will launched himself up to the vaulted ceiling, his body turning invisible as his Rogue Archetype gear rendered him invisible.

“What are you-“ Reggie glanced back, his eyes widening as he discovered Will’s sudden inexplicable absence.

Will crept back the way he’d come, watching Amanda trying to calm Mark down.

“No, not this time,” Mark said, standing in the center of the room and shaking his head. “He’s lucky I’m just kicking him out, I should kill him!”

“Deep breaths, sweetheart. You know this isn’t what’s best for the Stronghold.” Amanda said.

After a couple minutes of trying to placate him, Amanda sighed and shook her head. “Why don’t you take the night to cool off?” She said, patting Mark’s arm. “I’ll tell the cooks they don’t need to bring out the rest.”

Mark nodded, pacing with feigned agitation. Or perhaps it’s real? Who knows? Will thought as he scampered across the ceiling above them, his form so nearly invisible that he faded into the ceiling, undetectable even to these superhuman Climbers.

The shouting and clattering of silverware and broken plates helped keep people’s eyes on the floor, too. If someone looked directly at Will they might be able to make out his faint shape against the ceiling.

Will followed Amanda back through the kitchen where she told the two on staff that they wouldn’t be needing the next dessert.

Then something strange happened.

Amanda went through the kitchen and down a flight of stairs, hustling through a labyrinthine series of halls until she stopped at a series of well-appointed rooms, knocking on the door of one.

“Jasper?” She whispered.

A moment later the door unlatched, revealing a man with rich clothes, a shaved head, and a villainous goatee.

It couldn’t be that easy, could it? Will thought, running through his Memory Key to make sure nobody was playing with him.

“What is it?” the bald man, ‘Jasper’ asked.

“Can I come in?” Amanda asked.

“Be quick.” Jasper said, stepping aside and motioning for her to enter.

Will took the opportunity to slip inside, crawling silently across the ceiling.

‘Jasper’ paused a moment, frowning.

“Something wrong?” Amanda asked.

“No, nothing, go ahead and sit. Tell me what’s bothering you.” ‘Jasper’ said, sitting across from her.

Amanda sat down and began spilling every detail of their diplomacy, consulting this strange older man with a level of trust that Will felt was…unhealthy.

Over the course of their conversation, Will inferred that ‘Jasper’ had been one of Amanda’s regular jailors over the three years she had been a hostage here, and over that time, an inexplicable bond of trust had grown between them, such that she seemed take any suggestion he gave at face value.

Deeply suspicious, Will thought, eyes narrowed. Objectively, the situation stank to high heaven.

“You just have to convince Mark to look past his feelings,” Jasper said. “Reigning in her husband’s worst impulses is part of a wife’s duty.”

“I know, it’s just…out of the ordinary for him. It was just such a sudden change in attitude…it scared me a little. He seemed really mad at something.”

Pretty sure I know what he was mad at, Will thought with his arms crossed from where he clung to the ceiling by his toes.

“There, there,” Jasper said, extending his hand to brush Amanda’s temple in a gesture so casual that it nearly didn’t register as strange to Will.

The Charge that Will could feel passing between the two of them…that registered big time.

“You need to remind him what’s important.” Jasper said as Amanda’s eyes grew vacant. “Once the Stronghold is stable again, we can rebuild this place back to it’s former glory. We can’t allow anything to jeopardize that.”

Having seen enough, Will silently dropped down behind the Charm Archetype.

Muse in the window.

Nail through foot.

Sick soup.

Choking on stolen peanut butter.

Loth joining the Party

Will fluctuated his memories rapidly one last time to make sure he wasn’t ensnared in mind-control before he buried his axe in the back of Jasper’s skull.

The Charm Archetype sank to the ground with a soft groan.

Now that he was no longer trying to hide, Will was perfectly visible. He pulled his axe out of Jasper’s skull and cleaned it off.

“You’re welcome,” Will said, using Jasper’s velvet cape to wipe the man’s blood off the Blessed Steel.

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