Chapter 477: Fear in Jo-Pil’s heart—Trauma speaks

In the car, I could barely keep myself from losing my mind

I sat in the far corner, keeping myself at a distance from the rest of them as I trembled.

I don’t know, but the more time passed with my heat surging, the more fear got a grip on my heart.

"Jo-Pil," Ki-hoon called, worriedly watching me as I trembled in the corner of the car and I shook my head.

"Don’t..." I said, my voice shaky and raspy. "Don’t come here."

The space was already too small for an Omega in heat, and my thick pheromones were probably already filling their senses. If I could see it, I was sure it would be something like a cloud, and they were lost in the middle of it.

I clamped my hands over my ears, trying to shut out the questions of the reporters that kept ringing. The shuttle sounds, their ’Is it trues?’ and their devouring eyes.

It was all starting to hunt me the moment everything settled. I felt like I could drown in the feeling, drown painfully.

The four of them watched me, unable to do anything about my condition because I didn’t let them.

This was usually the time they would get into action, try to pleasure me and help me have a few releases to calm the heat, even by a little, but there was an invincible restraint keeping them glued to their seats.

"This is fucked!" Seo-Jun hissed, as he too couldn’t move.

And then, the car stopped right in front of the entrance of the mansion.

I quickly reached for the door, hurrying out as if my own pheromones were suffocating me.

The thick air of the car immediately got aired out as soon as I opened the door and began to run upstairs. I stumbled, my legs giving out, feeling like they were made of lead, but I did not stop.

No one was chasing me, but I was running.

My biological condition didn’t come as simply as I thought it would. Usually, the heat would come, and I’d crave my Alpha’s touch, crave getting touched, but at this moment, for whatever reason, I felt dread towards the thought of their touch.

I barely got up the stairs, and the more steps I climbed, the closer their footsteps got. It made my spine tingle and my skin crawl in fear.

They were coming. I thought and quickly got to my room, shutting the door right after.

Even as I looked forward to this moment during all my intimate times with the Alphas, never did I thought that the feeling that would cross through me during my heat would be this fear... This dread.

It was probably a psychological reaction of the last remaining bit of fear that lingered, the one I tried to forget too much, the one I tried to dismiss as being irrelevant.

Well, now or was relevant.

I gripped my arms, feeling Jin-Yeok’s coat fabric. I immediately tossed it aside, as if it would grow fangs and bite me.

I stepped back, my body trembling, my vision hazy, and my mind quickly sinking into trauma.

I knew they would come. They wouldn’t just let me be, not when they had already sniffed my heat Pheromones.

And then came the knock on the door,

"Jo-Pil." It was Ki-hoon. His voice made chills run down my spine as I pushed my back to the wall, slowly slipping down, clutching my arms so hard it would bruise.

"Jo-Pil!" It was Seo-Jun this time. "What’s going on? Open the door."

No, no, I couldn’t open the door. I didn’t want to.

"Hyung," I placed my hands over my ears, clamping them hard to keep their voices away.

"Jo-Pil, we can’t let you suffer. Tall to us." Jin-Yeok said but I remained silent, shivering. "Jo-Pil, you have to tell us what’s going on before we break the door down."

Ah, they were going to break the door? That suddenly gave me a memory I didn’t want to recall. The one with Jin-Yeok actually breaking the door because I wanted to get away, wanted to hide and not be touched—forced—by then for an entire day.

It was gruesome.

This time, it didn’t feel like I was a reader, but the person who actually lived through that experience. It filled my senses, remembering his glares, remembering how much I screamed.

Why? Why was I having these traumatic memories right now?

I don’t want to.

I don’t want to be scared of them. They aren’t scary. They love me.

Do they?

Or have they been waiting for this moment the entire time while they acted with ’love’?

Ah, my mind was slowly breaking apart. The doubt I never thought I would have was surfacing.

Paranoia was kicking in and I could no longer tell what was real and what was my imagination.

"Jo-Pil," Jin-Yeok called again and I flinched, immediately getting up to my feet. I rushed to the bathroom, closed the door, and then turned on the cold shower.

I needed to clear my head. I needed to regain my senses so I could think properly.

But even as I drenched myself in cold water, drenched my white suit and my shoes I still hadn’t taken off, I felt fear creeping into me.

There was a devil on my shoulder, whispering to me that people never changed. Telling me that if they wanted me to be truly happy, then I would be free. I would have my own house, my own space, and wouldn’t need to be in the same space as them every single second.

There wouldn’t be security cameras in my bathroom either.

I looked up at the security camera and felt my heart shake.

Was that how it was? Was I still living in a cage despite trying to tell myself that I had freedom within these walls?

Of course, a bird had freedom in its own cage. But am I truly a free bird?

No, I’m trapped. I’m still trapped. Loved, and adored, but trapped.

Just like a bird with colorful feathers, loved and taken care of by its owner.

Yes, that’s what this is... I can never be free.

And with that, my mind slowly broke, wrapping darkness around my true feelings.

It hurts.

Tears slid down my cheeks, washing down with the cold water, my flushed face twisted as I cried bitterly.

It hurts so much.

Someone... Please save me.

I don’t want to doubt their affection, their care... Their love.

I don’t want to doubt the smile on their faces. I don’t want to doubt anything.

So, please, get me out of this misery.

And then, a heavy thud that vibrated the entire mansion rattled me. They actually... Broke down my door.